Name Debate

Ms.Messmer

Let me start this with we don't know what we're having yet so I know I may be making a big deal out of something that I don't need to worry about yet, however it's bugging me so I'm venting to you all...

Back story, my husband's brother Nick was killed in action about 5 1/2 years ago in Iraq and meant a lot to both of us.  We were both very close with him and miss him dearly.  My husband wants to pass Nick's name down to our child if we have a boy, which I'm okay with if it's the middle name.  We're having some arguments about it since my husband wants the name to be a first name not a middle name.

My issue: I feel like giving our future son the name of Nick is sort of discrediting his brother Nick (we'd always be using the name for our son and I feel like the name isn't as significant).  Am I crazy?  I'm really objecting and just can't imagine loving this name...I'm trying not to think about it but I need advice on how to talk with my husband about this but I'm having a hard time explaining my reasoning...help!

Emjay221

I think he may want to use the name all the time, for the reason that he feels why bother giving him the name if you're just going to bury it in the middle name. 

My son is also named after his deceased uncle and it seemed pointless to give the name just to say you gave it, if you aren't going to use it.  

You going with Nicole if it's a girl?  He may ask for that also.  Not a bad name, at least.  

 

pawcall

Ms.Messmer:

Let me start this with we don't know what we're having yet so I know I may be making a big deal out of something that I don't need to worry about yet, however it's bugging me so I'm venting to you all...

Back story, my husband's brother Nick was killed in action about 5 1/2 years ago in Iraq and meant a lot to both of us.  We were both very close with him and miss him dearly.  My husband wants to pass Nick's name down to our child if we have a boy, which I'm okay with if it's the middle name.  We're having some arguments about it since my husband wants the name to be a first name not a middle name.

My issue: I feel like giving our future son the name of Nick is sort of discrediting his brother Nick (we'd always be using the name for our son and I feel like the name isn't as significant).  Am I crazy?  I'm really objecting and just can't imagine loving this name...I'm trying not to think about it but I need advice on how to talk with my husband about this but I'm having a hard time explaining my reasoning...help!

I don't see it as discrediting his brother in any way - but the bottom line is that you don't want to name your son Nick.  If you don't love the name as a first name, that's a completely valid reason not to use it. 

As for your husband - he doesn't have to agree with your reasoning, but imo you both have to respect each other's opinions when naming your son.  My husband and I both had "veto power", no explanation necessary, over any and all names.

nurseJK

I agree with pp, don't bury it if you don't love it. It's like my brother giving his son the middle name of Jonathan after my dad- whose name is John not Jonathan. It really doesn't work. My dad was kind of like gee... thanks I guess. If he was a special guy to the two of you then I would use it as a first name. To me, it seems important to DH and I would just go along even if I wasn't a huge fan. Nick is a fine name. It isn't like his brother was named something unfortunate. 

companion cube

We're naming our baby girl after my cousin who was my best friend) who passed in a car accident last fall, and it was really hard to make the call to do so, until I told my aunt, her mother, about it. She has been so touched by it, and it's really given her something to look forward to and be happy about.

We had asked my aunt for her blessing to use the name before the big u/s, and that morning, I texted her "It's a girl!" as she was at work. She works at a photo counter, and as she received the text there was a customer printing out photos of her grandson, this woman proceeds to tell her, unsoclicited, a story about how the grandson is named after an uncle that passed years before his birth, she said at first it was hard to get used to having the grandson named after the passed son but  that it has really been a blessing and it has meant so much to have her dead son's legacy passed on. 

The fact that this woman told this story, not even knowing about my aunt's lost daughter, or the fact that she had just found out a baby was going to be named for her, just gives me the chills.

I also think, long story short, you won't be dishonoring or discrediting your husband's brother by naming the baby Nick. However if the name just isn't your style, maybe it is best suited as a middle name. Or perhaps you can make Nick the first name, but always call your son by his middle name, as sort of a compromise.

Sorry for the long post. 

AmericaMowry

I don't know about discrediting, but I'm in a similar situation. My sister died last year and I want to use her name as the baby's middle name.

I wouldn't use it as the first name, and I cannot articulate my exact reasoning.. maybe it is worry of discrediting. I would be more open to a similar name if I wanted to honor her with the baby's first name though.

Example: If you were having a girl, it would be nice (IMO) to name her Nicole (or something in the family) in remembrance of H's brother. Not that this helps you, and I probably sound like sorta schizo, but I feel for ya is all I'm trying to say!

krista613

i think it would be hard to have a sibling pass and then give your child the sibling's name. also how would your in-laws feel about it? i just imagine that it could end up being hard for them to think of new baby nick and not remember thier baby nick, you know what i mean? i don't think i'd call it discrediting, more like a sore spot?

Ms.Messmer

krista613:

i just imagine that it could end up being hard for them to think of new baby nick and not remember thier baby nick, you know what i mean? i don't think i'd call it discrediting, more like a sore spot?

 This...sort of how I'm feeling.  I'm not a big fan of the name anyway so maybe that's part of it.  But I feel like the name Nick belongs to my brother in law and not a future son as a first name.  I've never been a fan of naming a child after a parent (ex. my husbands name is Richard and his dad's name is also Richard...I just think it's weird).  Personal opinion I know. 

maltwin1

krista613:

i think it would be hard to have a sibling pass and then give your child the sibling's name. also how would your in-laws feel about it? i just imagine that it could end up being hard for them to think of new baby nick and not remember thier baby nick, you know what i mean? i don't think i'd call it discrediting, more like a sore spot?

This makes a lot of sense to me. While you want to honor his brother, it could bring up painful memories.

Have you considered calling him a variation of Nick? Maybe name him Nicholas and call him that? Or maybe use Nick's middle name as the baby's first name, that way it doesn't run the risk of having him constantly compared to his namesake.