Had a Bad Day

angiemedic56

Today was my EDD. I miss having my big belly, I still protectively touch it like I did while I was pregnant. My husband and I sent balloons to Aiden up in Heaven today at his grave site to honor the date I had been looking forward to for the past several months.  

It's been 17 days since we said goodbye. I cry every single day, even when we're having "good" days, I'm always sad. I forget what it's like to feel happy. My husband and I visit Aiden every day at the cemetery.

We're both still off of work, and I thought maybe to get our spirits up we'd go to Disneyland, which used to be one of our favorite places to go. It seemed like every other woman we saw had a big belly or was carrying a newborn. We knew we'd have to face a see of happy families, but this was way more difficult than we could have imagined. All I wanted was to feel happy, if even for a little while.

erbarmywife

I am soo sorry for your loss.  I cant imagine going that long, only to lose your child.  I am certainly not looking forward to my EDD, so I feel for you!  You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Lorange-8

I'm sorry, sending you lots of hugs, other then all the bellies and newborns I hope you enjoyed your time.

megstarwsu

I'm sorry for the loss of your son and I'm sorry you had a bad day.  I just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts.

kmb718

I am so sorry, sending lots of T&P your way. I can't imagine how hard that must be. Take care of each other

jesslw

Oh honey. What you are going through is one of the saddest things I've ever heard. There are tears in my eyes right now as I type. I never want pity, I'm a self described 'tough girl', and I especially don't after my m/c, so I don't want to pity you, I just want you to find comfort. I don't have anything to offer or any words of wisdom, though I know I feel like nothing anyone could say or do could make anything better anyways. Nothing can bring back anyone's baby. You and your DH are grieving and you are doing a lot of grieving for a very big loss. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. Your loss must have swallowed your whole lives, your entire beings. I noticed your wedding ticker, you two haven't even been married a year and it would be so hard to have that insane excitement turn into such intense sadness. Our house burned down three months after our wedding and then after the nightmare of losing our first LO to a m/c, I can tell you, all of this has brought us much closer. We have even more confidence that we can make it through whatever bullsh!t this unfair life has to throw at us. I'm sorry your Disney vacation didn't go as planned, but I hope you guys had smiles on your faces for even a short time. You both deserve to be happy again. Maybe a therapist or grief counselor specializing in infant loss could really be worth the time and effort. Whatever lies in your future, I hope you and DH find peace and love in each other's arms and find comfort today, on this especially difficult day. I am so sorry for your loss and you will both be in my thoughts and I'm sure in the thoughts of your family and friends. Mine have been wonderful. Lean on them all you need to. One of my bosses actually said this to me and it really helped. Well at least more so than all the 'I'm sorry's'. This actually made me smile even though I didn't want to. "There's better days ahead. How far ahead, no one knows, so just smile til they get here so you'll be ready."

allybaby85

I am so sorry about your loss and that your have had a bad day.  Being through something very similar (I just wasn't quiet as far along as you) I can say it does get better and I can definitely relate to pregnant women or newborns being everywhere.  I hope in the near future you and your DH can find some peace.  sending lots of Thoughts and prayers your way 

jertie

Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't ever seem to be adequate, but please know that I am very sorry for your loss.  Crying will play a big part in your recovery and don't be afraid to let your emotions lead the way.  (My doc warned me that postpartum hormones would also do their best to "jack" with me and they did!  So don't hesitate to contact your doctor either.) 

There will be hope or happiness again - it will come back and you will smile and laugh (note: this will probably startle you and make you cry).  One day you will wake up without tears in your eyes and fall asleep without crying.  I know it sounds impossible that could ever happen - but it will.  RIght now, you are grieving for your beautiful baby boy and while it is absolutely miserable - it is also something that you have to do in order to begin healing. 

I am so, so sorry for you.  I hope that you and your husband find comfort and peace with one another on this difficult road.

jertie

Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't ever seem to be adequate, but please know that I am very sorry for your loss.  Crying will play a big part in your recovery and don't be afraid to let your emotions lead the way.  (My doc warned me that postpartum hormones would also do their best to "jack" with me and they did!  So don't hesitate to contact your doctor either.) 

There will be hope and happiness again - it will come back and you will smile and laugh (note: this will probably startle you and make you cry).  One day you will wake up without tears in your eyes and fall asleep without crying.  I know it sounds impossible that could ever happen - but it will.  RIght now, you are grieving for your beautiful baby boy and while it is absolutely miserable - it is also something that you have to do in order to begin healing. 

I am so, so sorry for you.  I hope that you and your husband find comfort and peace with one another on this difficult road.