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Parenting
TriciaChick
member
Question to moms of 3
TriciaChick
member
in Parenting
We just found out that we are pregnant again (big surprise!) Just wondering how hard it was going from 2 to 3 as compared to 1 to 2. I went from dreaming about another baby last night to wondering how the heck I will do it after a very hectic afternoon with the boys today.
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Re: Question to moms of 3
My #3 had several medical issues (not a big deal, just took way longer than it should have to diagnose), so for a few months things were really rough. But now that she's on the proper diet and medicine...
I would say most of the time it's not much harder than having two. The things I thought were the hardest were 1. I think I was overconfident thinking I knew what I was doing and every baby is different so you have to figure it out each time and 2. three seems to have been the tipping point to me having no downtime. I've gotten kind of used to it now, but it was hard at first.
Mostly it's been good though!
On a good day, it's controlled chaos. On a bad one, it's just complete chaos. And we wouldn't have it any other way. Our lives, our family and our world is complete with the three of them in a way it wasn't before (for us). I don't know that 2->3 was the hardest. I know it was for DH. The girls are so close in age that they've always done everything together. Because of that, we only had to deal with one "set" at a time. They just do everything together at different stages - the park, shopping, school, gymnastics, whatever. Adding DS to the mix can make that hard because he's the baby. Even though the age difference between him and DD#2 isn't that much more than between the girls, DD#2 has grown up faster just trying to keep up with DD#1. So yes, it totally and completely rocked DH's world. I'm doing better with it because the girls can (and usually do) play together while I take care of DS and they adore him. It works for us. A while ago, shopgirl posted this about having three kids. Hopefully it doesn't scare you too much. It's 100% true.
FWIW - We couldn't imagine our lives any other way.
On Having Three Kids
By Jennifer Eyre White
Where I live, just north of Berkeley, hardly anyone has more than two kids. I suspect it's because so many families have two career-oriented parents, and kids are really bad for careers. Or maybe it's because it's so expensive to raise kids here. I dunno. Anyway, when Kennard and I decided to have a third child, we became something of an anomaly in our social circle. And after little Kirby was born six weeks ago, a lot of our friends started asking us, what's it like having three kids?
Here's what it's been like so far.
1. With three kids in the family, someone is always grumpy. Often, everyone is grumpy. When Kirby was five days old, we went on a family outing to Copeland's Sports Store (I'm having trouble remembering why we thought that was a good idea or what we wanted there). On the 15-minute drive home in the minivan, Kirby was screaming and Ben was whining, "I wan dat bike, I wan dat bike!" (we had made him get off dat bike and leave it at dat store). Riley was sulking in the back seat because we wouldn't buy her a sandwich at Togo's. Kennard looked at me and said, "Our family is starting to sound like the seven dwarves -- Screamy, Whiney, Sulky, Grouchy, and Sleepy." I'd like to think that I was Sleepy and he was Grouchy, but I can't be sure.
2. I hate it when people advise me to "sleep when the baby sleeps." What am I supposed to do with the other kids? Tie them up in the back yard?
3. Having three kids cuddled up to me on the couch feels like heaven.
4. There is always a little person in need of something. Food. A drink of water. A boob. A bath. A hug. A mouth, nose, or bottom wiped. A timeout. Electroshock therapy. Oh no, sorry, that's me.
5. La Leche League's book on "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" doesn't tell you how to nurse in combat situations. There is advice on keeping a toddler occupied while you nurse an infant, but that's not my problem. My problem is supervising two additional kids who often view nursing as an opportunity to try to maim each other. What I really needed a couple of days ago was something along the lines of: "If, while you are nursing your newborn, your toddler and school-aged child become engaged in a vicious fight over a pair of children's scissors, with your toddler attempting to stab his sister and the sister biting him on the arm hard enough to raise welts, do X-Y-Z."
What I did was to yell, "STOP THAT!" followed by, "STOP THAT GODDAMIT!" with no noticeable effect. I considered treating them like labrador retrievers and dumping a bucket of water on their heads. I considered ignoring them and letting it be a painful learning experience, one possibly including an educational trip to the emergency room. Finally, I lurched up from the couch, cradling Kirby in the crook of one arm so as not to dislodge him from my breast. I stomped over to Riley and Ben, pulled them apart with my free hand, and dragged the wailing Ben across the room to get him away from his sister. Problem solved, but I couldn't help wondering if there was a more elegant approach.
My tenacious little Kirby managed to hang on and maintain suction throughout the entire episode, though he must have felt like he was nursing on the high seas. His little head bobbed up and down, and he briefly opened one eye to look around, but he never let that nipple go. The bad news is that my nipple is now half an inch longer. The good news is that if this keeps up I'll soon be able to leave Kirby on the sofa with my nipple and it will stretch far enough for me to reach all the rooms in the house.
6. The third kid gets dragged around a lot. Our schedule looks like this: Take Ben to preschool. Take Riley to school. Pick Ben up. Pick Riley up. Take Riley to soccer or ice skating. Take Riley home. Do big families homeschool just to cut back on car trips?
7. Riley and Ben have become closer. Since I'm so tired and frequently nursing, I've begun recruiting Riley to help take care of Ben. She brushes his teeth in the morning and helps him get dressed. She holds his hand at the grocery store. One weekend she spent the night in his room, then got up with him at six the next morning. She poured him a bowl of Cheerios and turned on his Bob the Builder video and only woke me up an hour later when he began throwing things at her. She suddenly seems older and more competent. More confident. More useful.
8. Both of the kids -- and in fact all the kids we see -- adore Kirby. There's just something about a newborn that no-one can resist. Even a grouchy and sleepy third-time mom like me.
This essay originally appeared on literarymama.com.
5. La Leche League's book on "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" doesn't tell you how to nurse in combat situations. There is advice on keeping a toddler occupied while you nurse an infant, but that's not my problem. My problem is supervising two additional kids who often view nursing as an opportunity to try to maim each other. What I really needed a couple of days ago was something along the lines of: "If, while you are nursing your newborn, your toddler and school-aged child become engaged in a vicious fight over a pair of children's scissors, with your toddler attempting to stab his sister and the sister biting him on the arm hard enough to raise welts, do X-Y-Z."
This EXACTLY! It wouldn't be nearly as hard to have 3 if my older two weren't constantly fighting and whining. Honestly, though, the change hasn't been that hard going from 2 to 3. Good luck!
Congratulations!
2-3 wasn't too bad in the beginning but #3 has been super easy/not too fussy/great sleeper, etc. Now that she's 9+ months, and only really napping once a day (yeah--yikes), things are harder. Most days I get literally NO down time..... #1 doesn't nap anymore, and sometimes I get lucky and #2 and #3 nap at the same time, so i turn the tv on for #1 so i get some "uninterrupted" time. I wouldn't have it any other way, and love my girls so much. I'm a SAHM, and some days I long for a car ride by myself or a "lunch hour" to work out like DH gets. The love that my oldest has for the baby is just PRECIOUS. (#1 and #2 fight like cats and dogs though, so although I know they love each other....... its can be a crazy battle...). Lots of rambling here--but really--3 kids is a lot of fun.
Good luck, and CONGRATULATIONS!
Congrats! Welcome to the crazy world of three!
I wish I could take credit typing the above but it was C&Ped from a blog/website:
https://www.havingthreekids.com/eightmonthslater.html
I thought 1-2 was sooo easy! For the most part, DD is a great listener and hardly ever gives us too much trouble. I was able to keep her schedule and just work DS1 around that. And that part wasn't hard for DS2, because we had a routine for the older kids and just worked DS2 around that. My hardest transition continues to be 0-1. It just rocked my world transitioning from relatively no responsibility to overwhelmed with someone else's total care! The fact that DD was ill at birth and would not nurse, I felt like such a failure...
The hardest part going from 2-3 was relying on my first son to walk AND STAY WITH ME anywhere. DS1 was used to being carried. When J got here, he had to walk. I wish I would have trained him before hand to keep with me! There were a few times that I had to leave DD and DS2 10-15 ft behind me to go grab DS1. That is scary. I eventually developed a routine for getting in and out the car. We hold hands in the parking lot. I also make sure DS1 is the first one in and last one out the car. I communicate much better how we will get someone where and how we will act while there...
I swore I'd never PT a toddler with a baby again. That was the hardest part for me going 1-2....guess what? I did it again. I wasn't as bad the second time (training DS1 with a baby, DS2) . I think by now, I just accept that sometimes J just has to wait his turn. One mommy vs three kids. Everyone has to be patient. We talk about patience all the time. I think it's a natural lesson learned when you have siblings.
I do fine going out all three esp to kid friendly places which is where we frequent most anyway. I have taken all 3 out to eat alone (albeit McDonalds, Burger King and Cracker Barrel). In a crowded children's area, I do find myself counting them all the time. Since J is almost always with me, 1-2...5 mins later 1-2 and 3 if someone else is holding J. I run to the store with three but I try to keep those trips short and sweet. I still have not grocery shopped with three. I wait for DH to be home or going during work, speaking of which, 3 in daycare is EXPENSIVE even when you live in a low COL area. Holy Moly! This summer has been hard. I am working on a teaching certificate (one more class) and hopefully will find a job in education relatively fast. And hopefully, next summer will be differnent.
#3 is just getting mobile. I am sure that will bring some more challenges. Thank goodness, he just started STTN. We do fell complete whereas we didn't before. J loves to laugh and smile, we needed him in our family. Just like when #1 and #2 first interacted, it is great when all three do. It makes your heart swell. I love having all of us at the dinner table (J has a spacesaver highchair = Love) or having us all huddled in the bed in the am..every one comes to our room! I love my family of 5 and wouldn't change it for the world...
Because I love (and live) her writing:
Eight Months LaterBy Jennifer Eyre White
I've been the mother of three for eight months now and I still don't have the hang of it. Mostly I feel like a six-year-old kid trying to walk a 90-pound Great Dane puppy: I'm nominally the one in charge, but it's difficult to tell that from watching.
Here are a few other observations:
1.) Going anywhere with three kids feels like a huge accomplishment. When Kirby was three months old, I took him, Riley, and Ben to a movie all by myself. Not only did we sit through Shrek 2 in its entirety, I actually managed to buy popcorn and not lose any of the kids. This was in spite of the fact that Riley and Ben kept heading in different directions and I had to track them while carrying Baby Kirby and pushing a stroller and weaving through the 10,000 other people who went to the movies that day. All four of us were happy for two whole hours -- even Kirby, who spent the movie clamped onto my breast like a tick.
When I got home I was flushed with adrenaline as though I'd just done something perilous and daring. I'm more proud of being able to wrangle three kids in public than of anything on my resume.
2.) Whenever I'm out with the kids I constantly have to count them. Somehow I can no longer immediately remember how many kids I have. So there I am in the grocery store muttering, "One, two, three . . . okay, is that all? Three? Yes, yes, that's all." Then five minutes later I have to do it again.
3.) The bad news is that we never leave all the kids with a babysitter, so Kennard and I are hardly ever alone. The good news is that now when we're down to one kid it feels like a vacation. Like on one recent weekend, when Riley was away at a sleepover and Ben was down at Grandma's house and all we had left was Baby Kirby. For two whole days.
At all times, one of us was off-duty. When Kirby napped, we were both off-duty. There were no playdates or birthday parties, only one bathtime, only one bedtime. It was practically like being at Club Med.
For dinner, we ate huge bags of potato chips while swigging margaritas. After the baby was in bed we stayed up late doing what we've been wanting to do for ages but which is almost impossible to do with three kids in the house -- we varnished our cork floors.
It was like being on a date, maybe the best date we'd had all year. We slopped varnish all over the place while dancing to music on an all-80's radio station. We made naughty remarks about other uses for slippery, varnish-like substances. It was especially fun at the end when (after three margaritas apiece) we discovered we'd missed several spots the size of dinner plates. We went skating barefoot across the slick, wet varnish to fix them, pinwheeling our arms for balance, nearly weeping with laughter.
Afterwards we sat on the side of the tub together trying to un-varnish our feet. "I can't remember what I thought was so hard about having one measly baby," I sniggered.
The next morning I remembered, too late, one thing that was hard about it -- getting up at 5:30 am. I also remembered our sacred rule about drinking, which is that three drinks is always too many. Kennard and I trudged downstairs, our heads pounding, to find the harsh light of day shining on our handiwork. This was when we realized that, in our only-one-kid exuberance, we'd neglected to prepare the floor quite as well as we should have. As a result we'd sealed in a fair amount of red Play-Doh, plus a couple of dead flies under the window. Our floor now has an unusual nubby texture. But it was a damn good date.
4.) We've only had three kids for eight months, but already there have been nights when we've needed three vaporizers. Nights when we've needed three barf bowls. These are not good nights. I've concluded that we've reached the critical population size in which there are enough hosts to allow viruses to mutate and reinfect the original host. We can pass around a bug for months at a time.
Apparently, it's practically illegal to be as sick as we've been. One afternoon I went to the drug store and loaded up my basket with various packages of infant decongestant, infant Motrin, children's Sudafed chewables, children's Motrin, adult Sudafed, and Nyquil.
When the checker got to the adult Sudafed, he told me, "I can't sell this to you. You've exceeded the legal limit for over-the-counter drugs."
I looked at him blearily, coughed, and said "Please tell me you're kidding."
He shook his head and informed me that pseudoephedrine, the active ingredient in Sudafed, can be used to make methamphetamine. Obviously I don't have my finger on the pulse of illicit drug production, as this was news to me. I reluctantly handed back the adult meds, figuring that Kennard and I could just eat a bunch of the kids' chewables.
This was not the first time that I wondered how all those moms with six kids manage. Do they traffic in black-market decongestants? Do they skip the vaporizers and just convert the family room into a steam room? Do they have banks of washing machines to handle all the barf-covered clothing, bedding, and towels when everyone has the flu?
5.) Somehow, even though the house is unbelievably noisy and messy and I can hardly catch my breath and I sometimes wonder if I'll ever again be anything other than a servant, having three kids feels right. Three is enough in a way that two wasn't quite. Three is joyful, crazy-making chaos.
Each baby was a tough transition for me, but I think it took me longer to get to a point where I was comfortable when #3 came along. I felt like I had no down time. DH was not able to take paternity leave this time, and he had to jump right back into working 12 hour days, about 6 days a week. I also had PPD that got worse with each baby.
I'm finally at a point where I can really enjoy having three kids, and it's wonderful. Thomas is walking around trying to be just like his big brothers, and it's so much fun watching them all interact with each other.
Congrats on #3!
We have 4 children. For me, going from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3 or even 3 to 4! You just adapt. It's like you go into survival mode and you make things work. Our life is organized chaos, but I love it!
Congrats & GL to you!
Our Angel Boy- m/c in 2007 @ 9wks due to Trisomy 17