Babies: 3 - 6 Months
StrawberryAlarmClock
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F/U to "MIL kissed DS's penis" (long)
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
ETA: I'm having trouble sending & replying to PMs on my phone. Please know that I am reading them and so thankful for your encouragement! I don't want you to think I'm not appreciative, I just can't respond for some reason. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you weren't one of the 5,000+ views of my original post: ~~MurphyGirl made it clicky for you in the very first post below. Thanks, Murphy!~~
Let me preface this with a genuine and heartfelt thank you to the Bumpies that, very sincerely, took what happened to my baby boy to heart and responded with such concern that I could tell they were responding as if it was their own DS who had gone through it. Your anger (towards MIL), advice, support, T&P and supportive PMs meant the world to me. It's
amazing how close you can feel to people
whose faces you have never even seen! Thank you so very much for your support!!
The past 48 hours have been a whirlwind we're on day 4 of a heatwave (103 today!) and there
was a countywide blackout last night. DS
overheated and had to go to the hospital (he's
alright now, thank G~d!!) and our car broke
down (the hits just keep on coming, don't
they?). However, in the midst of all this
DH and I made this issue top priority and, after
two several hours long conversations and a
restless night's sleep, came to this conclusion:
We are not involving the police since the social
worker at CYS said that "the second biggest
piece of the puzzle is proving malicious intent"
(with the biggest piece, of course, being harm
to the child). She does not think the judge will
see this as a sexually driven act, but a
misguided decision by a sick woman. We
decided that all contact is cut between DS and
the ILs (both!!) until they whole fam-damily
does intensive therapy (still trying to figure out
how we should decide when/if they are
"done"). They saw how serious we were when
we did not allow them to see DS in the
hospital!! SIL will not allow contact with her LO
either until further notice. DH and I have our
preliminary counseling session next week and
MIL has until Friday at 5pm to set up an appointment with the psychiatrist the social
worker recommended or else 3 things happen: 1. DH cuts contact with her, too 2. I make her an appointment 3. I inform her priest what happened (trust me, with this woman, that is waaay worse than telling the police. She is fiercely religious).
I'm not sure how to know if she's "better" but I think this psychiatrist has a sort of a program (if I understood correctly) instead of just an indefinite period of time. I have to look into that, but, regardless, her time with DS (if & when the psychiatrist gives her the OK) will ALWAYS be supervised.
BIL is being a holdout. He won't go to therapy at all- not even with their priest who he's known since he was 5. DH is willing to go with me but not with his mom unless FIL goes too. FIL is a total schlmeel so I'm not sure if he'll get his lazy butt off the couch to go at all. Maybe to support DH he will.
I feel like I'm leaving something out but my head is spinning right now and I'm still a little worried about LO so I'm going to go listen to him breathe the rest of the night and I'll be back in the morning. Again...I can't thank you ladies enough for being here for us!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you weren't one of the 5,000+ views of my original post: ~~MurphyGirl made it clicky for you in the very first post below. Thanks, Murphy!~~
Let me preface this with a genuine and heartfelt thank you to the Bumpies that, very sincerely, took what happened to my baby boy to heart and responded with such concern that I could tell they were responding as if it was their own DS who had gone through it. Your anger (towards MIL), advice, support, T&P and supportive PMs meant the world to me. It's
amazing how close you can feel to people
whose faces you have never even seen! Thank you so very much for your support!!
The past 48 hours have been a whirlwind we're on day 4 of a heatwave (103 today!) and there
was a countywide blackout last night. DS
overheated and had to go to the hospital (he's
alright now, thank G~d!!) and our car broke
down (the hits just keep on coming, don't
they?). However, in the midst of all this
DH and I made this issue top priority and, after
two several hours long conversations and a
restless night's sleep, came to this conclusion:
We are not involving the police since the social
worker at CYS said that "the second biggest
piece of the puzzle is proving malicious intent"
(with the biggest piece, of course, being harm
to the child). She does not think the judge will
see this as a sexually driven act, but a
misguided decision by a sick woman. We
decided that all contact is cut between DS and
the ILs (both!!) until they whole fam-damily
does intensive therapy (still trying to figure out
how we should decide when/if they are
"done"). They saw how serious we were when
we did not allow them to see DS in the
hospital!! SIL will not allow contact with her LO
either until further notice. DH and I have our
preliminary counseling session next week and
MIL has until Friday at 5pm to set up an appointment with the psychiatrist the social
worker recommended or else 3 things happen: 1. DH cuts contact with her, too 2. I make her an appointment 3. I inform her priest what happened (trust me, with this woman, that is waaay worse than telling the police. She is fiercely religious).
I'm not sure how to know if she's "better" but I think this psychiatrist has a sort of a program (if I understood correctly) instead of just an indefinite period of time. I have to look into that, but, regardless, her time with DS (if & when the psychiatrist gives her the OK) will ALWAYS be supervised.
BIL is being a holdout. He won't go to therapy at all- not even with their priest who he's known since he was 5. DH is willing to go with me but not with his mom unless FIL goes too. FIL is a total schlmeel so I'm not sure if he'll get his lazy butt off the couch to go at all. Maybe to support DH he will.
I feel like I'm leaving something out but my head is spinning right now and I'm still a little worried about LO so I'm going to go listen to him breathe the rest of the night and I'll be back in the morning. Again...I can't thank you ladies enough for being here for us!!
***This space reserved for photo of new squish***This discussion has been closed.
Re: F/U to "MIL kissed DS's penis" (long)
https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/39291404.aspx
Linky. I am off to read and catch up
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1a1ae8.aspx[/img][/url]
You have been on my mind all day. It sounds like you have all of the arrows pointing in the right direction. Keep strong for your family. My thoughts are always with you.
Good luck with everything. I hope everything works out. This all sounds like a good solution.
I hope DS is feeling better soon and that you get a break in the heat (it's bananas hot all the way up here too!)
I am sorry you had to deal with this crap. I want to say something in regards to the social worker's comment regardign malicious intent. She/he is wrong. Intent has nothing to do with whether or not a crime is commited. Especially when a child is involved.
I usually say my job was in testing/forensics or I say my degree is in mental health counseling. I have spent the last five years working with the Mentally Disordered Sexual Offender program in Miami Dade County. Basically I ran therapy groups for convicted sexual offenders and predators. My job was to evaluate them to see to see if they were competent to stand trial, make recomendations for treatment following jail/prison, give treatment to the family of the abuser, provide individual treatment to them as well as group therapy. We follow the guidelines for treatment set forth by Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers (www.ATSA.org). I can honestly tell you that as far as the courts/ATSA are concerned "intentions" don't matter. Any inappropriate touching of a sexual area - butt, breast, vagina/penis, groping - is considered sexual battery in most states. The police and the courts do not care if the person intended to cause harm. They are concerned with what the person did.
Now, if you would rather not contact the police it is completely your call. I just want you to know that you can call them. Either way - I am sorry you have had to deal with such a stressful situation. (((hugs)))
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
I've been thinking about you all day!
I'm glad things seem to be going in the right direction! Hugs for you and DH (I'm so glad he's going, too!) and tons of cheek pinches and toe tickles for your DS! Good luck!
Kudos to you for handling this situation in such a constructive way.
I could care less about your MIL because she seems like a sicko, but I'm glad you are getting on the same page with your H and getting your family (IE you, H and LO) healthy first.
Even if MIL doesn't go to counseling, at least you guys will know that you are standing together as a family to protect your child.
I missed your first post but just wanted to say this. I'm super kissy with my LO. I kiss every inch of her all the time. It has never once occurred to me to kiss her genitals.
That is just beyond strange and there is no way I would let that woman have unsupervised time with my child. just be thankful you were in the room to see it happen because at least now you know that she's crazy and thinks her behaviour was normal.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I don't know how I missed this, I'm so sorry your going through this. I'm glad that your trying to get help and I hope everything works out for your family. Don't let anyone try to talk you into anything your not comfortable with, if you don't want your DS to be anywhere near your MIL even after counseling then thats your decision and you have every right to make it.
Whew I never commented on your 1st post because I missed it completely until tonight when it was reposted. I read that whole damn thing and yes I whole heartedly agree it was molestation....like soko said (I think it was soko) there are degrees of molestation....was it a quick touch or hours of touching? was it lips that touched the genitals or hands? were the fingers inside or outside the genitals? I say who the fvck cares! that was the 1st time the OP saw the MIL do that...doesn't mean it hadn't happened before or if it was something similar or different....the point is she saw something that wasn't right. If the MIL didn't intend to get aroused or wasn't aroused to me doesn't matter either....it looked like she was molesting or it had an appearance of molesting, and she had a desire for some reason to do that. Those two reasons alone are good enough to report the woman. Adults should know not to do that just for the fact that it can be taken very very wrong and can be prosecuted because it is a criminal act in our society. Kids get in trouble for taking a gun to school....even if later authorities find it is a water gun instead. It appeared to be a real gun and you can't risk not taking action. Next time it could have been a real gun. Do you want to be the the person who doesn't protect kids by not taking it seriously?
Sure there are different definitions, rape and sexual assault are more serious but molesting can be so many things.
Honestly, if my MIL had texted me her passive aggressive apology...all I could think of for a reply would be, "die mother fvcker die!"
I have been molested before and there is NO WAY I will ever let that happen to my daughter EVER, EVER, EVER. I know it sucks but if my DH wasn't on board with taking action and so on. I would have to not care about his feelings.....It's not about DH or his families feelings or repressed memories or whatever it's about DS not getting molested again EVER, EVER, EVER again. I so wish people would stop making up excuses for these damn people....oh she has boundary issues! BS!!!! When our grandfather molested all of us grand kids one of my Aunts made kept saying he wasn't feeling well for a time! ok that is an understatement of a lifetime! and he molested some of us grandkids in different degrees as well....was anyone less molested????
good luck and god bless
she is creepy
Yeah, that's BS. It doesn't matter what was meant by it. It's inappropriate. If a child came to school & told me that someone did that to them, you can bet your a** I'd call CPS. Stick to your guns. You are not overreacting.
ETA: We teach all kids if someone touches you in your private spots, tell an adult. Why should it be any different for your son just because he's not old enough to tell anyone about it.
I'm sorry your dealing with this, but it sounds like you have a supportive DH and an excellent plan of action. GL to you!
I am so happy to hear that you guys have come up with a plan. Doubly glad that your DH and you are on the same page. It breaks my heart that you are dealing with this, please know that you are in my prayers. (And yes I do absolutely pray for bumpies!)
I hope your DS is feeling better soon. Thanks for the update, I hope you feel comfortable to continue updating us. I pray that no matter what your little family (DH, you and LO) will come out of this a stronger family. Stand Strong Momma! You have a lot of support behind you!