really? necessary for in town in-laws to STAY at house?

carolina1178

boys will be here in about 10 weeks...hopefully they hang out that long :-)

I will be having a c/s and ds will be 2 y/o next week. He is not in any toddler programs, I stay home with him.

dh and I are trying to decide what we need help with when babies are born...we have agreed on 2 things:

1) an extra pair of hands to help/play with ds due to my c/s recovery, I expect at least 2 weeks to get myself together after that

2) food! the last thing I want to do or think about will be cooking :-P

My in-laws who live 20 minutes away feel it is necesary for them to STAY at our house for a week or two. This stresses me out more than having 3 under 3 LOL I love them but it is different when they are under same roof for an extended amount of time. I do not feel it is necessary for them to stay at our house.....am I just being hormonal?

In my mind....if they could come over in the mornings to help with ds until he goes down for nap, bring us food for lunch/dinner...that would be sufficient.

When ds was born...we thought we would need all this help so we just let people do whatever. We were so stressed because people were in/out and it was just too much for me recovering from c/s and adjusting to life with newborn. I don't want to deal with that again...I want us to have family time, not a house full of people 24/7.

I am grateful that I have family here that can help but I just don't want a repeat of when ds was born and things get all crazy...well crazier than they are going to be lol

TIA!

Temp159135562506975

hell to the no!

there is no need for anyone to stay over - you know what a baby means... so it's that x2 - and since your DH is there to help- you'll do just fine.  Sure- you'll be tired - but tired and stressed with in-house guests = worse.

i would simpy tell them that you do not need any overnight guests... if they push it - let them know you do not WANT anyone staying over - that you and your DH would like to be home alone as a family with your 3 children.

We never once had anyone sleep over ... barely even had people over for more than a couple hours to play with Griffin.... we did just fine.  Even recovering from a c/s - i had no issues.... now, if i was stuck in a bed feeling horrible or something- sure, we'd need more help... but the avg c/s recovery is pretty easy and you'll do fine with the 2 babies with your DH's help.

I agree- help with your toddler will be great - we kept Griffin in full time daycare - since you don't have that i'd ask people to come visit and play with him outside (so you don't have to take the babies out in the summer heat)... or even take him to the park, etc.

carolina1178

lol thanks goldie! thats what I was thinking but some days my hormones make my second guess things :-P

And yes dh will be home for 2 weeks after boys are born...I think we will be fine too, just need someone to bring us food! lol i can only eat so much take out :-)

leviandlandensmom

No way. 20 minutes is nothing, my in laws live 5 hours away and I won't even let them stay overnight. Yeah, I'm rude but they stress me out. Tell them exactly what you need help with, don't be vague. If they really want to help they will do what you need help with not just what they want to help with.

macchiatto

It's totally personal preference. If they want to help with the "night shift," and you are OK with that, then fair enough. For me, I wouldn't have liked it ... but then, when my parents did visit for a week (they live 600 miles away) my mom took the night shift for us two different nights and it was heavenly! Really though, it all depends on how well your babies sleep at night, how you and your H divide up the work, your relationship with the ILs, and just what you're comfortable with. I definitely wouldn't feel bad letting them know you would prefer they come over during the day to help out.

carolina1178

we did discuss them helping during night but the babies are going to be in our room anyways...we will wake up regardless : /

of course, all this depends on a lots of circumstances which we will consider once we get there.

We talked more about this last night, after I posted actually, we are going to wait until we bring the babies home...if we find we need overnight help, we can ask at last minute..they won't mind. I just don't want 6 people over here twiddling their thumbs when it turns out we don't need anything right away :-)

thanks for your insight ladies!

macchiatto

Sounds good!

erinri02

I like what Goldie said!  Hell to the no! LOL!

My MIL felt the same way when the boys came home from the hospital.  That lasted about 2 days and I couldn't take it anymore.

I would have a family meeting just to say that you appreciate any help you get but that you don't feel it is necessary for them to move in.

Just explain that it makes you more tired when you have a house full of people to entertain.

 

 

benkari

When the babies first came home my DH was still undergoing chemotherapy so the night he had his treatment and the next 2-3 nights someone would stay over to help me with the night shift because he was so sick and weak at that point but once he was feeling better we would go it alone until the next round of treatment.  I think it would have been too much to have overnight guests!