I think this MC has wrecked my life... — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I think this MC has wrecked my life...

Okay. I don't really know how to put all of this into words. I'm so frazzled right now and I'm running on absolute empty.

Hubs and I have been fighting, fighting, fighting. It's gotten to be so unbearable. I have no idea if we can really make it through this. We had problems before our MC, but after talking to him last night...I think it's apparent that it might be a contributing factor.

We don't really discuss it anymore, just because I've moved on for the most part...okay maybe not. But to me, it does no good talking about it with him because he just doesn't understand. Anyway, last night he brought up some things that have been stressing him out/bothering him and the MC was one of them. He went on about how he wanted that baby and he's sad too and all of that. It's all very frustrating to me. I honestly sometimes wish it had never happened. That I had never gotten a BFP or that I never told him. There's nothing I can do to fix the situation and obviously getting PG again is just not in the cards for us. Babies don't fix marriages, as much as I'd like to believe they do.

I just feel like nothing is helping and nothing is going to but perhaps time? It's been over 3 months now and like I said, I feel I've adapted pretty well but I wish I could just wake up and it would have never happened. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind kinda stuff. 

Re: I think this MC has wrecked my life...

  • elisbuelisbu member

    The fact your husband wants to talk about it is really good! You may wnat to shut it out of your mind and pretend it never happened, but that's not fair to him. He has emotions he wants to express and you need to be there for him.

    This did not just happen to you.

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  • I agree with them.. Communication is key in any relationship, especially your husband:)  I pray you are able to work through this and come to a comprimise!
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  • me and my DH arn't really getting along right now either.  He told me to pack and come over to my mom's today and that he was going to file a divorce...ITS ONLY BEEN 3 WEEKS since our loss.....obviously he just doesn't get it! I tried explaining to him that the baby lived inside of me for 8 months and that its not just gonna go away! Yes i'm going to be sad and cry alot.  I don't really know what happened.  Until this morning he was being so nice and supportive about everything. So I guess we will just wait and see what happens.  
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  • BlakeGBlakeG
    Ninth Anniversary
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    I'm so sorry you guys are having a hard time.  You both have been dealing with so much and it seemed like you were getting to a better place with his anger and all.  As much as it might hurt, it is great that he wants to communicate his sadness with you.  You can't just shut him out because he's saying things that make force you to deal with the m/c.  Pretending nothing happened doesn't work, believe me I've tried this method.  It's great if you've really healed and moved on but if your just pretending it never happened I think it will come back to haunt you.  I hope you guys can work through this and deal with your grief together.  Maybe a counselor would be a good idea to get you both on the same page.
    Natural BFP - 2/13/10, Natural M/C - 3/9/10 (Missed m/c found at 8wks 4days) Prenatal B/W shows I'm a Beta Thal carrier & so is DH. Onto IVF w/PGD... Jan 2011 - IVF #1 - C/P Mar 2011 - IVF #2 - Day 5 PGD, no ET, 5 snow babies May 2011 - FET #1 - BFP!! Twins!!! 2/9/12 - Our precious miracles arrived! Baby A 7lbs 13oz & Baby B 5lbs 13oz
  • First of all a miscarriage is a trauma....its a loss..it is definitely something that can put a toll on a marriage. My DH thinks its time to "be over it". Nobody can understand unless they suffered the loss.

    I am not sure of the specifics of what your issues were prior to your BFP and your m/c.

    However, IMO, a marriage is worth working for & saving. IF you love each other and you want to make it work maybe you guys should try couples counseling.

    Prior to getting married I said to my husband that I wanted to try EVERYTHING to save our marriage should we have trouble. It sounds like the two of you love one another enough to fight for it. would you try the counseling.

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  • Thanks ladies. We've done all of the above. Marital counseling, individual counseling, etc. Some things occurred and the Army had to step in and basically requested we no longer do marital counseling until the individual stuff was taken care of. He's in anger management group therapy (well, soon to be) and some individual counseling. I've been in counseling since I moved out here in February. It's just exhausting and I'm starting to feel like this PG/MC was the last thing I needed. We had issues before all of this happened and the MC only exacerbated them.

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