was i being ridiculous?

wishingforpositive21

Ok so last year when my SIL was pregnant we had a huge feud... and when I say huge I mean explosive!  DH and BIL had always had this "plan" to name their boys after one another... DH would name his Daniel Joseph which is his bro first name and his own middle name and then vice versa BIL would use Timothy Jay... WELL, obviously they made these plans long before they were married lol.  Anyhow, my SIL didn't want to use Timothy Jay because if she was going to use his bro's name she wanted to be able to use hers so she came up with Timothy Joseph... ummm I lost it a little.  That would make my nephew have the same EXACT name as my husband and it totally rubbed me the wrong way.  My argument was what if DH and I wanted a jr.???  Or being that my DH deploys a lot what if heaven forbid something happen to him and I wanted to give his unborn child his legacy?   So they ended up using something else and now she is being crabby at me because we have decided on Levi Joseph... basically saying, see i could have used that name and you didn't want me to.  I think its ridiculous but was I out of line for ever getting upset before???  Do I owe her an apology or did I have a good argument before???  This name game is insane... now im getting snubbed for using Rose (the family female name) as my middle name, i can't win for losing

ritzgrrl

I'm starting think people are way too sensitive when it comes to this baby naming thing.  I shouldn't talk because I've been stressed out about it, too, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate with your situation.  But when you think about it, is it really something everybody should be getting all worked up about?

plunderb

I think you owe her an apology. You had a temper tantrum and she graciously backed down in deference to your "claim" on the name that meant something special to her and her DH. Then, you ended up not using it anyway. She has a right to be a little ticked off.

I would have told her to use Timothy Joseph in the first place, since your demands seem unreasonable.

wishingforpositive21

plunderb:

I think you owe her an apology. You had a temper tantrum and she graciously backed down in deference to your "claim" on the name that meant something special to her and her DH. Then, you ended up not using it anyway. She has a right to be a little ticked off.

I would have told her to use Timothy Joseph in the first place, since your demands seem unreasonable.

I will agree with you it was a bit of a temper tantrum... however she did not GRACIOUSLY back down from anything lol.  Just had to throw that out there.  Plus it wasn't just me, my husband didn't like it and neither did hers it was almost as if she did it to upset me which I don't put past her... but i do agree I over reacted.  I just think its a little ridiculous a year and a half later to be badgering me about it

braveangel2

This post made my eyes cross.

 

 

Moon_Safari

braveangel2:

This post made my eyes cross.

 

 

Yeah, my ADD kicked in a couple sentences in and I zoned out. 

PunkyBooster

I think this entire post is petty and ridiculous.

KCooker

I do think it's a little odd that they would want to name their child the same first and middle name as your husband, I can't imagine naming my child the same name as my BIL and not my DH, it just seems weird.

ZTAsunshine

KCooker:

I do think it's a little odd that they would want to name their child the same first and middle name as your husband, I can't imagine naming my child the same name as my BIL and not my DH, it just seems weird.

This!  It sounds like she would like for you to say you are sorry for acting like a child.

*Mrs*M*

You cannot own a name FFS.

fraglette

wishingforpositive21:

DH and BIL had always had this "plan" to name their boys after one another... DH would name his Daniel Joseph which is his bro first name and his own middle name and then vice versa BIL would use Timothy Jay

Wait...so let me get this straight, the original plan was to have your son named "Daniel Joseph" and her son named "Timothy Jay" and THEN you were going to have a second son named "Timothy (the first name of his first cousin) Joseph (the middle name of his brother)"?

queenbone

Well... I think you were both a little ridiculous.  I can see where you were coming from, her idea was weird...but she was pregnant with a boy first.

Temp38995750004016

You were not even pregnant, you should not have claimed the name.

strangebird

Is it just me or do a lot of the "parents" posting on this board seem far too immature to have children?

To the OP: Grow up. A name is a name. Contrary to popular opinion, temper tantrums are not excusable due to pregnancy hormones and behaving irrationally might get you what you want, but it doesn't make you all that cute. Perhaps your SIL just liked the name; regardless, she was entitled to use it, and, considering your knee-jerk reaction, it was awfully considerate of her to revise her name, whether she did so "graciously" or not.

You need to consider a few cardinal rules of baby naming: whoever has a baby first, gets to name a baby first. Their baby, their choice. Nobody owns a name.

Further, given your tantrum you should have named your baby after your husband, so you could have your junior; not doing so was petty and I can understand your SIL's annoyance that you've chosen something else--what a slap in the face that must have felt like!

Whether or not your SIL was being childish too, reacted with a total lack of grace, and/or is now pouting like a two-year-old hardly matters. Your behavior set the tone for the whole argument--in other words, you made your bed, lie in it. Or perhaps, try developing an ounce of grace yourself and apologizing for the entire fiasco. After all, she's family and you're supposed to be adults.

SarahZ05

I think you had a reasonable claim to the name as far as that goes, but I think you owe her a monster apology for flipping out on her. There was no call for a feud - a calm and collected talk between you and SIL should have been sufficient. I'm sure she would have seen your point and agreed to make an adjustment, no family animosity necessary.

mcmann05

KCooker:

I do think it's a little odd that they would want to name their child the same first and middle name as your husband, I can't imagine naming my child the same name as my BIL and not my DH, it just seems weird.

This. The end.

Laura & Harrison

qtsreign

Yes I think you're being ridiculous.

Having said that, I didn't bother reading past that line because your long asss paragraph was way too hard on my eyes.

 

NewFamily09

It's just a name.  You really don't have much of a right to tell someone else what name or not name their child.  That is 100% their decision.  Why is it such a huge deal to have the same name as your DH?  It's not like people use the middle name anyway, so most people wouldn't catch the connection.  Even if they had used it, you could have used it for your son too.  In my family, my aunt who is the youngest of my mom and her 4 sisters, named her sons Matthew and Andrew, even though her sisters had already used the name.  My brother is Matthew and I now have 2 cousins named Andrew.  Nobody thinks twice about it.  If it were me I'd give her an apology.  You just got a little wrapped up in the whole naming thing- happens to the best of us.

UrbanHippieMama

Yep, you were.  You need to apologize.

wishingforpositive21

Well, I understand how you ladies feel who believe I over reacted.  A lot of it was due to the fact that I had been TTC for over 2 years and was going through a lot with all of the BFN's, and she got pregnant without even trying.  A lot of resentment there I guess.  I apologized for not using the name and told her I realized how that could upset her.  Of course she is still going on about it but I am over it and just trying to blow it off!   Thanks for the honesty!