When do you think....

Lisa7

That it's too late to have a baby? Like what age? I know a lot of people have babies later now but there has got to be kinda a certain cut off point, lol. I'm turning 30 next week and guess has gotten me thinking. I just don't have the BOTB urge yet and wondering if by the time I get it, if it'll be too late. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this, sorry this is kinda random. Thanks ladies

Ms.Beachbum08

I think that it depends on your own personal preference. For me, I said no more kids past 30 and I turn 30 in July.  However, I have coworkers who had their first child at 40 and are still having kids.  You need to do what is best for you.

natalee215

I agree that it's a total personal preference as well.  I wouldn't risk having kids after 40 personally.  I'm turning 34 this year and having my first now and we don't intend for it to be our last.  We plan on 1-2 more if we are lucky enough to have them.  My SIL had her first at 34 and her second this past Friday at 37 and both were uncomplicated pregnancies with perfectly healthy babies.

Butterflie6381

They are saying 40 is the new 30 when it comes to having kids.  I would take into account your health and your family history (like when your mom started menopause) and discuss that with your doctor at your next checkup.  I think that would give you some guidelines of when it would be easiest to conceive. 

IDK why, but for me, 30-35 always seemed to be the window for having kids.  Not that it really means anything, since I was 28 when Lil Miss was born. 

Jennifer43

ditto pp... and personally, I wouldn't risk having kids after 35, just because of the greater chance for complications and such. I hope to be done with having kids by 30-32...depending if we have 1 or 2 more.

niuchick21

Personally, and barring any unforseen complications or problems, I don't want to have any kids after 30.  It helps that I'm only 24 so we still have some time.  My mom had me and my brother when she was 20 and 22 and so now she's only 46 and her kids are grown and she can do whatever she wants.  I really like that, I don't want to be 80 and still raising kids

ludyjanboltz

Well, since I'm the old fart around here....

I had my first at 39 and my second will arrive while I'm 40.  I definitely wasn't ready for kids in my 20's or early 30's.  Thi is just how it worked out for me.  For the most part I had a pretty easy pregnancy - no m/s, etc, but I was put on bed rest at the end due to low AFI.   I think it's just totally your preference on when you're ready for kids.

A good friend of mine is an ob/gyn and she's delivered babies to 50 year olds!!!!!  (That is definitely not a goal of mine, I am done after this one!  )

oohlypinon

My window is 30-35.  I am just not there yet and with DH in school it is just to much to even think about kids yet.  I think every family has to make that choice.

sarlah

I'm going to be 27 in a couple months & have nothing even remotely twinging on BOTB right now. I thought I was going to want to start trying this year, but that's gone from "yeah we'll try soon" to "no not ever". I don't know when or if we'll ever have kids. I'm having too much fun right now with how things are.

If you aren't ready then you just aren't ready. 

Lisa - do you know you definitely want to have kids? Are you just waiting to feel like it's the right time? DH is 32 and therefore has a lot of friends in their 30's. I've heard some of them say that they always knew they wanted kids but they never felt like the perfect timing was coming along, so they just did it & now they're all parents and seemingly very, very happy with that. It's an incredibly personal decision, that's what I've learned from others and being around here.

BlondeBeachBride08

I always said I'd like to have my first by the time I'm 30, and I'll have this baby at 29 so I'm a little ahead of schedule. In a perfect world I'll have 2 more by age 35 then be done.

That being said, most of my friends aren't even THINKING about kids until after 35. I'm really young for my OB practice actually. I think it's a city thing and a lifestyle choice.

My baby will be the first and only in our friends group for probably 3 years but we knew that going into this! We'll make more friends that have kids! 

MelVic

For me, I would have loved to have children in my 20's..that is what my Mom did and I loved that my Mom was always the "young" mother etc...However that was not in the plans for me. I had G when I was 30, and I definitely plan on having 1 or 2 more before I turn 35.....However with that being said, I have numerous friends who are over 30 or 35 and who are not even married yet but definitely want to have children, so IMO you have plenty of time...

 

Mrs.G_09

Like others have said it's really personal preference and taking your health into account. My mom had me right before her 30th birthday and her last when she was 34, no complications with any of us. She always says she would have liked to have kids younger when she had more energy, but she didn't meet my dad till she was 25. I've had BOTB for years now and always felt ashamed about it because everyone told me I was so young and to be patient. Ideally I want to have one before I'm 30. I think we'll be in the 'one and done' crowd, but I'll see how we feel after we have one. I don't think I'd want to have any kids after I'm 35, plus with having endo I have no idea how things will play out medically. Both our families are pushing for us to start a family, but we're not ready financially and DH is not ready period.

modom3278

When I was in high school I remember wanting to be married at 23 and have 3 kids by the age of 30.  Then I got to be 23 and did not at all feel ready for marriage or kids!  In fact, even now, at 32, I still sometimes feel too young to be living such an "adult" life!  But like Morgan said - I think that it's a city thing to a certain extent because it seems like 30+ is more the average age for first babies around here.  Either way, there are pros and cons to starting early and waiting.  Obviously, medically speaking, younger is better, but mentally, you need to be in a good place too - and if that does not happen until later, that's okay too.  If you know in your heart that you want kids, you will eventually start to move in that direction.  And if not, there's no reason that you ever need to have babies.

nataliejp519

I really don't have an answer to this.  This varies from person to person and me personally don't see anything wrong with having babies at a late age.  I mean my dad just turned 60 and my stepmom will be 40 in a few weeks and has a 3 month and 5 year old.  Whatever works, works.

That being said, I just turned 27 and would like to have at least one child before 30 but if something doesn't work out not starting our family until a later age it wouldn't bother me at all. 

One of my best friends is going to be 30 in 8 months.  She's not married, not even dating anyone.  She occasionally freaks out b/c when her mom was 28 and had already had her 3 kids.  I have to tell her to slow her roll and that everyone's time is different.

beachybride10

I have always thought having my first (maybe only) kid around 28-30. But now I'm thinking anytime between 30-35. I'm just not ready for kids yet.

It's really interesting to see everyone's opinions! 

CanadianBride84

I want to be done having kids by the time I am 30.  I will be almost 26 when this one is born, and I want one more, so hopefully this will be something I can do.  My mum was my age when she had me, and she had a lot of problems and got told not to try for another child for at least 5 years, so they stopped after me.

ash.flea

This is such a personal question that I don't really feel like I can even answer it.  I want to say 40ish is probably as old as I would go, but who knows really.  But honestly I'm only 25 now so I'm planning to be done with kids by around 30 or so (if we even have another).

My parents had kids both at a young age (my dad was 20 and mom 19 when I was born) and then again later in life (mom was 35 when she had her last, dad 44 with his) and both have said that it was better/easier the second time around & that they feel like they are better parents now than they were able to be when I was young.  So there is definitely something to be said for having kids later in life!

FutureMrs.McC

beachybride10:

I have always thought having my first (maybe only) kid around 28-30. But now I'm thinking anytime between 30-35. I'm just not ready for kids yet.

It's really interesting to see everyone's opinions! 

This almost exactly.  Except I wouldn't have just one.  I'll be 28 in August and do not have BOTB at all.  I'm just not ready.  I may never be.  The more older, childless couples I meet, the more I want that life.  

jebuell

I worked for a special needs nanny program in NYC and through that met many, many, many children with special needs and in our training we learned that about 80% of the kids were born to parents over the age of 35.  That FREAKED me out.  Not that special needs are the end of the world- I absolutely adored all of the kids with Downs- but if I can avoid having to live that life I'd like to.  So for me, if I'm 35 and still have no babies- it's adoption for me.

Of course, having a baby at 26 or even 18 doesn't exclude you from having a special needs child.  There's still that 20% who's parents weren't over 35 so it can happen anyway.  And my Mom's cousin had her first kid when she was 49 and the second when she was 51 and they are both happy, very healthy little girls.   So to each their own.  But I think anyone having a child at that age needs to be prepared for their increased chances of a special needs child and educated on the matter.

Lisa7

sarlah:

I thought I was going to want to start trying this year, but that's gone from "yeah we'll try soon" to "no not ever". I don't know when or if we'll ever have kids. I'm having too much fun right now with how things are.

This is exactly how I feel right now. Thank you for your input ladies, I really appreciate it. 

dexspsandqs

Having my first at 30 I was one of the younger people in my social circle.

IMO, age has much less to do with children- I'd rather place maturity, happiness in a relationship and the ability to co-parent effectively and financial security above my age.

As an older parent (and really, I am young in the grand scheme of things) I feel I offer much more patience and understanding in addition to my life experience. I won't get into marriage (since i am pro gay couples anyhow) or a myriad of other topics but having children isn't all about meeting a set check list such as age- it's much more important (regardless of age) to be ready to take such a life altering change and approach to life- because having a child forever changes YOU!