What word did you teach your ps?

aknjcp

Hi... New to this board - didn't know it was here! :-)

I have a 3 year old little girl and recently she asked what her private area was called... She knew butt, but never brought up the "other side" lol... I told her that it was called her vagina, and all girls have one. My parents never gave us any nicknames... They taught us the proper words from the get go and were never made to think that we should be ashamed of the words. So, I figured I would do the same.  DH, of course, was at work - we never had this (in my mind) unnecessary discussion of what we would call Audrey's private parts. I take things as they come. Well, she referred to her 'gina' to dh today (she asked him to wipe it after she went potty). He was like, 'shh... don't say that' and then later proceeded to flip at me. He thinks it is very inappropriate that a 3 year old should be referring to that as that and what not... I apparently should have just called it her "pee-pee" or something. He is not happy, but I think I am right and I should not have to correct her or reprimand her for saying it. There is no shame in her saying her ARM hurts, or she needs her BUTT wiped. 

What are your opinions? Am I wrong or is dh being immature about it all? 

brightning

I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority, but I use other words for her parts. I was raised by my Filipino grandmother and uncle, who would have rather fallen over dead than hear me say those words.

I think in 2010, most people use the proper terms. That's probably a good thing. There's a part of me that is a 90 year old woman and cannot accept current times!

(And FWIW, it's out of character for me to use nicknames. Horses are not "horseys," pacifiers are not "binkies," etc.)

howleyshell

Maybe he's uncomfortable about it because it's his daughter and she's a girl?  His only connotation for girl parts (specifically that one) may be sexual and that may freak him out a bit.

Maybe try asking him if he'd feel the same about teaching a boy to call his parts a penis?

We're 100% correct anatomical terms around here.  

I'm in your camp.

I do think I'd try to talk calmly with DH and see if you can figure out what exactly bothers him about it and help him work thru it.

My DH isn't super comfortable with this kind of stuff but he will chuckle when he hears one of the boys make up a "penis" song or get a bit too enthusiastic at yanking on one in the bath.  Overall if it was up to DH I'm sure it would either never be mentioned or it would have a different made up name. 

Today we had a bleeding incident and my oldest overheard me telling DH that his stools were not hard so I knew it wasn't a torn anus.  He then proceeded to quiz me over exactly what an "anus" is.  When DH got home he turned to DH at the dinner table and asked DH:  "Did you know your your anus is where your poop comes out?"  100% straight faced.  I thought DH was gonna die!

Some people are just more comfortable with anatomical stuff than others are.  I plan to do everything in my power to see that the children I raise are comfortable with the anatomically correct words for their body parts.  No shame here! 

eta:  We did have a discussion tonight about not discussing your body parts at the dinner table.  I'm trying to teach them that body parts are things they discuss with Mom, Dad, or their doctor because they're private.

MrsT1209

DD knows vagina but she also calls it her "hoo hoo" as well.  I wanted her to know the correct anatomical names for things in case, God forbid, something ever happened and she needed to be able to effectively tell us.

April37

We use the proper words.  At first my DH was a little taken aback by it because it is a little odd to hear it from a 3 yr old.  Like you, I don't want my DD to be ashamed of anything.  I think 'vagina' is only taboo because society makes it that way.  Anyways, we do have lots of conversations with DD about appropriate times and places to talk about those things so it's not like she's saying vagina to other kids on the playground.

MrsAmers

DH and I actually talked about this for a long time.  We were torn between wanting to use anatomical terms and not wanting DD to be shouting them in public.  :-)  But in the end, we realized that it is important to use "real" words and to not treat them as being any more taboo than arm or tongue or toes.  They are body parts, period.

And yes, my daughter has said "my daddy has a penis" at a playdate.  But we were surrounded by moms of fellow toddlers who understand how things work with a 3 year old!

We use penis and vulva (since technically, the vagina is internal).  I also had to name DD's clitoris the other night because she was looking at herself on the potty.  I'm hoping it will be awhile before she points at her brothers other parts.  ;-)

bridesrighthand

We call Kellen's his penis, which he has shortened to penie.  I agree with you, but I do understand why your DH is freaked out.

neverblushed

I feel like it's "the norm" today for kids to know the proper anatomical names for all their body parts, including the ones we keep private. It's not "wrong" or "improper" for a little girl to refer to her parts by their real name -- especially when she's in the bathroom, with a parent, asking for help with going to the bathroom!  Other than the doctor's office, I can't think of a more appropriate situation to use the word "vagina."

Here's how I handled this with my kids:  They know that their private parts have proper names like penis, vagina, testicles, anus, etc.  But they also know that people sometimes like to refer to these parts with nicknames instead of the real names, because that helps with the whole privacy thing.  So, for instance, my son knows that he can call his part a penis or a pee-pee, whichever is most appropriate for the situation.

crystal959

DD calls hers a "hoo ha" growing up we never really called it anything, until my sister was around 4 (I was 11 and understood what I had) and my mom used to tell her when she was in the bath, "Don't forget to wash your coochie!" I wasn't about to continue to use THAT one.

ali2005jason

MrsT1209:

DD knows vagina but she also calls it her "hoo hoo" as well.  I wanted her to know the correct anatomical names for things in case, God forbid, something ever happened and she needed to be able to effectively tell us.

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kada626

dd knows vagina & pee pee. She doesn't refer to it often but she could call it either one.

dnagal

We alternate between "bottom" and "privates".  I have told her the real words for parts, but we just don't use those words in regular rotation.

One of her daycare teachers was calling it "your coolie" and that really rubbed me the wrong way, I felt like it was kind of a derogatory term. I'd rather she said "vagina" than "coolie"

jlw2505

We say vagina and butt or tushy.  I don't see any issues with a child calling it what it is.

momofolivia

we say vagina (although the proper term would be vulva).  Agree with pp - i want her to know what parts are in case something happens to her.  Also, I think nicknames has a connotation that the there something "wrong" with the original word, and therefore the body part.

AshlynsMom

It seems counterproductive to teach her one thing only to have to reteach her something else later on.  We use vagina and penis. 

When she was 2.5/3ish, she saw the sitter changing a little boy's diaper and asked me that night why Clayton had a tail in his diaper.  And giggled uncontrolably.  So we let her call it a tail because, well, it was hilarious and it's not like she would need to talk about it ever.  Now that DS is here and she 'helps' change his diapers we call it a penis.

I'd mention to DH that penis and vagina are terms understood by all adults, so if, god forbid, something ever happened to a kid involving those parts, they'd be able to convey that to a trusted adult.  That sold my DH. 

SLM05

Well i guess i am different, we never really had a plan as to what we would have DD call it.  She showed great interest in potty trainingearly on (age 1 1/2)  and when things came up i refered to it as her "girl parts" and that term has stuck for her.  So now when DD asked about her brothers we said it was their boys parts. I don;t have a problem with the proper terms it just kind of happened that way.

Read2Me

MrsT1209:

DD knows vagina but she also calls it her "hoo hoo" as well.  I wanted her to know the correct anatomical names for things in case, God forbid, something ever happened and she needed to be able to effectively tell us.

Eva calls it her hoo hoo too!  She knows she has a vagina but hoo hoo refers to the whole area. 

AshlynsMom

I don't understand the "helping with privacy" thing.  Maybe I'm being dense.  Help me out.  If a little boy says something about his peepee, how is that more private than using the word penis in the same situation?  It's not like everyone doesn't know what he's talking about.

If he called his penis his elbow or something, maybe...

HarrietNJMommy

It's a body part. At 3YO they are not using it as anything other than a description - hand, foot, etc.

My kids call it vagina and penis........DH and I don't believe in "pee-pee" "wee-wee", etc.

2 weeks ago my DD#2 fell down, came running to me and said "Mama I hurt my back and my vagina" LOL!

 

Emiliana7

I prefer using the proper names, however we use slang/cutsey names too. DD knows what her vagina or cootie is and she knows butt/bottom/bootie.

With DS we'll teach him penis, but I also refer to penises as wee winkies too. This came up when I was babysitting my nephew who is 3 (year and a week older than my DD)- and I wasn't sure what his parents had him call it- so wee winkie it was.

Another funny is when my neices were little (they're teens now) they came up with their own term for their vaginas, they called them front-butts.

mrs.doubleD

I am a social worker and used to work at a CAC (child advocacy center). We focused alot on prevention. You are doing the right thing by teaching her the proper terms. Children who show that they are not ashamed and know the names of their body parts are less likely to be targeted by abusers. Educating your child about her body is really protecting her should god fobid anyone try anything with her. I understand your husband feeling weird about it, mine didn't want to change diapers when our son was born because he was weirded out by touching his penis ( I told him to get over it real quick!). But knowing the proper terms is really in their best interest.

 

WaitingOnTwoPinkLines

SD's mom calls it a "tootie" but we usually use vagina. I am a firm believer in using the real names. I don't think that children should be raised to be ashamed of their parts, and I think that giving them nicknames makes it seem like something taboo or hidden (not saying they should be flashing anyone, but you know what I mean).

CubbyMama

I'm on the fence on this one.  As far as being generally opposed to any "nicknames," I think that's a little weird--would that mean teaching a child to say "abdomen" rather than "tummy," "urine" instead of "pee," and so forth as well?  Even adults don't always use the medical term for every body part and function.  I think it's OK to know the correct term but use a different one.

I also never get the argument about a child not being able to communicate about abuse if they use a nickname.  As long as parents are aware of what the term is, wouldn't they understand if their child came to them and said someone touched their hiney/bootie/hoo-hoo/whatever, just as well as they'd understand if they said buttocks/anus/vulva? 

Plus, vulva is the correct term for girls' general private area, but it's such a rarely-used word and just sounds odd coming from a child, to me.  We just call it her "privates" for now.