It?s like getting sucker punched

elizabeth&james

A co-worker/friend just told me she?s 11 weeks pg. I was supposed to be in my 16^th week. Another co-worker in my small department announced last week. She is somewhere between 16 and 17 weeks. Exactly where I so want to be.  My reaction to the first was nausea and anger and envy. My reaction to the second was resignation and sadness and self pity. She asked if I was pg too b/c she figured we might end up being pg together.  I had to say no and it makes my heart hurt. Both of these women are in my very small department of 10 ppl. I am going to be dealing with their joy and celebrations for months?seems unbearable at this time where one single day takes so much effort and feels so endless. I know we all have to deal with pg ppl around us but it seems to be the thing I struggle with the most. If anyone has tips on coping, please share.

AmyRM

I don't know what to say about coping. I too have two colleagues who are expecting. It's so hard to see them, and listen to the planning chatter in the halls. Both are much further along than I would be - but one is a dear friend, and we were so excited to be having babies just months apart. She's been so sweet to me since our loss, but seeing her amazing belly, and thinking about the coming two months (she's due in June) with all the baby celebrations...yeah, it hurts.

You said it well - sadness, resignation, self-pity, and envy....I feel it all. I cry at my desk and don't hide it.

elizabeth&james

AmyRM- you and I had our BFPs on the same day. Best Valentine's gift ever. I feel like crying at my desk too but am just so exhausted and tired of being sad that I don't really want that either. Plus nobody at work knows so they don't know to expect anything other than me being my "normal" self. I'm so sad- I give up. Not in a mentally-unstable-and-ppl-should-worry-about-me kind of way-- it's just I don't have the fight in me anymore to do much more than feel sorry for myself. Ugh. Oh- and yes, the growing belly- the one who is 16 weeks- it's like a knife in my heart every time I see her.

magdalina.h

I have a lot of co-workers that are pg or due now. I was the first person to get pg so they all knew about me and I about them before I had and lost Aidan.  The way that I deal with it or cope is to remember that I don't know their story, well most I do, but I don't know if they've recently had a loss or having trouble getting pg. I also tell myself that I will be pregnant again and I will be sharing my excitement again.

bgarson

I know exactly how you feel. At the school I work at, there are several teachers who are pregnant. The only way I know who to cope with it is to leave any conversation or situation that gets me upset. I don't do it to make anyone feel badly, but I need to take care of myself. It sucks! I really want to be happy for them, I really do. I am just not there yet.

*Chicken*

I'm sorry that really stinks.  I just found out my cousin's wife is pregnant and is due the same month I would have been.  I'm happy for them but sad for me. The blessing in this is that they live out of state so I will only have to see them at special occasions.  Which might not be until Thanksgiving.

I don't really have advice for coping, I just remind myself that one day somehow (whether biologically or adoption) I will have my own child.  Sometimes it works to help me get over my self pity.... other times it does not. 

 

millejj1

As horrible as it is, avoidance of the conversations and celebrations has been my tactic. It's getting better though.

SmallestWilk

So frustrating isn't it? A few days ago, someone posted something that's really, really helped me...It said something like, "you never know what she went through to get pregnant." And then I started to think of the future me...the six and eight and nine month pregnant me and the number of women that will see me and HATE me because I'm pregnant. What they will never know is my miscarriage story...So now when I see a pregnant woman, yes, I'm sad...but I always think "Maybe she does know what it's like to be me."