Deployed for Delivery — The Bump
Military Families

Deployed for Delivery

Hi everyone!

   Just wondering if any of you have been through (or are going through) a deployment now while you are preggers?.. It was a really tough good bye this time for my husband and I just because I was 12 weeks pregnant.. and you never know if they will get extended or what not.. (He was suppose to get home 2 weeks before my due date).. And I am a labor and delivery nurse so I understand that you have no control when your body wants to go into labor.. So of course there was a chance of him missing the delivery anyway.. But they justttt got extended until 2 and a half weeks afterrr our due date.. So now we know it won't happen...

   But I was wondering what you girls did (or are doing) to try to make your husband feel included in the pregnancy. He just feels like he is missing everything.. and he is.. He wishes he could feel the kicks.. be here for the cravings.. and dr. apts and ultrasounds.. But i do my best to send him sudio of thebabys heart beat.. ultra sound pics.. and I sent him weekly belly pics.. Does anyone else have idea that I could do for him?

   And when it came to deliver.. how did you do without him?.. Who did you have in with you?..


Thanks girls!

Re: Deployed for Delivery

  • Hi! A lot of us have to go through this, we wrote about it a few days ago.

    This could be a good starting point for some of your questions. :)  

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  • Have you heard of Operation Special Delivery?

    They provide Doulas for free for military spouses who's husband is deployed, or hurt during their service..

    Umm I have a web address, Let me find it and I'll post it...

    I was going to do this, but now there is a big chance MH will be home for the delivery, (his command is going to be doing their best to keep him home as long as possible for the birth) and if he is not, My mom will be here, plus I have several good friends here more then willing to be in the room with me.. 

    But let me look up the address for you...  

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    here is the site I was talking about, great resource! 

    I know several ladies who went with this, and they rave about their experiences! 

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  • My husband was in the reserves when I was pregnant with my son so he left for training when I was about 15 weeks, got a week of leave when I was 23 weeks and then I/we didn't see him again until our son was about 5 months old.

    We used Skype a lot so he got to see my belly getting bigger and we would talk about my appointments and other pregnancy related things.  I found out the sex of the baby, but didn't tell anyone until I talked to DH so he could call people and have a modified "It's a boy!" moment.

    My Mom took me to the hospital and was with me for most of my labor but when it came time to push, she left.  There isn't anything special that I did to get myself through delivery - your doctors and nurses are there to help and you just do it.  Leading up to delivery I would sometimes get nervous, but keeping him in until April wasn't an option so I just did what I needed to do at that point.  You can do it.

  • My DH deployed when I was 13 weeks. He didn't make it back in time for the delivery, but it wasn't as horrible as I expected, plus the feeling I got when I was able to introduce him to his son for the first time was beyond amazing and made up for any pain I felt for being alone.

    I had my mom and a good friend with me when I had him ( I went back to PA)

    Where are you stationed at in Virginia Beach?

  • My husband has been deployed since about the third month of my pregnancy.  Sending audio of the heartbeat, u/s pics, and belly pics are about the extent of what I have been able to do.  We did pay out of pocket for a 4d u/s, and he was really excited so see the video of our baby.  Other than that, I sent him a calendar of his favorite team and wrote down all of the things that happened each week on it.  He said he liked reading each day's fact about the developing baby while he was getting ready for work.  It's been hard sometimes, but honestly being pregnant and preparing for the baby has made this deployment fly by on my end.  Good luck!
  • I forgot to add I got the u/s picture of the gender and mailed it to him. Then when he got it and called me again he got to tell me what we were having. I got my own copy, but had the u/s tech put them both in envelopes and seal them.

    He was so surprised and excited to be the first to know. It killed me waiting for the snail mail to get there thoughIndifferent

  • imagemommakx3:

    I forgot to add I got the u/s picture of the gender and mailed it to him. Then when he got it and called me again he got to tell me what we were having. I got my own copy, but had the u/s tech put them both in envelopes and seal them.

    He was so surprised and excited to be the first to know. It killed me waiting for the snail mail to get there thoughIndifferent

    Wow.  I commend you for the patience that had to have taken.   

  • Well, I feel like a sucky wife for not doing more/much to include DH in the pregnancy. 

    DH left for training when I was about 20 weeks along.  He left for the Middle East when I was 30-some weeks along.  We knew that he would not be home for the delivery and were not even going to try to time R&R. (Which is good because LO arrived nearly 2 weeks late!)  It would have been too much stress for me, wondering and worrying if LO would arrive during the proper window of time.

    I had talked to my OB about an elective c-section because the thought of laboring without my DH seemed like more than I could deal with.  My OB shot me down and said that it was much safer for the baby and for me to delivery vaginally.  So, I put on my BGPs and sucked it up. . .

    Well, unfortunately, I got my "wish".  At nearly 42 weeks gestation (though, my OB begs to differ, despite my having done IVF and KNOWING when I got pregnant), I developed HELLP Syndrome and LO was delivered by emergency c-section.  My SIL was going to be my labor coach, but instead, she accompanied me into the OR.  My family was there, as were my ILs.

    For me, not having DH there at the hospital was hard, but it was even harder for me once we were home and I was recovering.  In addition to HELLP, I developed pretty severe (according to my psychiatrist) PPD.  I was a wreck.  Fortunately, my mom and dad were here to take care of LO and me (which they did for nearly 2 months). 

    It was hard, but, DH is now home (as of about 3 weeks ago).  He missed most of LO's first 9 months, but, because he was so well cared for, and so young, LO does not know that his daddy was not here.  He just knows now that he is here.

    I hope that things work out for you and your family.  Take time to build your support network and it will be less difficult for you.

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  • Thank you girls so much! I appreciate it!
  • I didn't go through the pregnancy while hubby was deployed but I did buy a house. I took a dvd video camera and recorded every square inch of the house. I don't see why you couldn't do the same at every doctor's appt and ultrasound appt. Not to mention, you could make a video diary to him and send him a dvd say like once a month ( or more) so he can continually see the growth. To me, a video would be make me feel like I was more there than pictures. However, as a PP said, I would sign up immediately for Skype as well.
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