Well Kudos To You A**Hole... [Vent and long!]

keelyxrosepetal

Apparently the ex has been chatting away with my best friends, I don't mind that he does, but they've all sent me copies of what he's said (without me asking for them, of course). In the most recent one, he said this "I know for damn sure I'm not gonna bust my ass and fully support my child." Uhmmmm.... excuse me? He also said "Keely isn't going to be able to take care of my daughter. She isn't a good person."

Does anyone else see this as both an inappropriate to be talking about with my best friends as well as talking about that at all? I don't say mean things about him to my friends, it's not my place, what happened between him and I is between us. I'm just supremely annoyed at this and it doesn't help that we had been together for two years and apparently he's cheated on me twice, lied to me for two years straight, and been in love with another girl the entire time (oh geeze, bi-polar relationship!). I was finally brave enough to leave on my own.

Now, I don't want to cut him out completely, but my dad (adoptive father), said something that really hit true for me, and is completely correct. He told me that my daughter doesn't need her birth father, she just needs a father figure. I've talked to my therapist (I see her once a week for bi-polar therapy as well as someone to talk to), said that my dad is completely correct, and that the place of a father figure can be filled by any male family member, friend, or love interest. I'm very content with being single, but I'm also scared. Every girl needs a male role model to look up to. I'm very, very glad to be back in my hometown with my family and friends, they are the best support I could ever ask for!

I'm just appalled at how my ex has been acting. 

Phew, vent over. Definitely glad I left, I feel relieved, but scared even more, but that's part of being a single mom! I know I can do this. :]

Sorry for the length, haha. :]

skimberlin

Sorry to hear this. I do find it inappropriate, but I also wonder why YOUR friends are even talking to him. I know that not having db there for a father would probably be in their best interest, but it's hard to accept some times. It sounds like your doing very well though. I am glad you have the support.

mommamelmo

Reason #1 I am no longer friends with my best friend.... 2 months after we split she sent X a message on facebook saying that she was there for him if he needed to talk, never extended that to me. I understand that when you are in relationships your friendships blend, but if my friends were talking about me to my X I wouldn't talk to them anymore. I personally think that it shows a huge disrespect.

I also agree that children do need a father figure, but that isn't always the bio-dad. X hasn't been constant with DS but it doesn't bother me because he has 3 of the best father figures I could ask for: my dad, brother, and brother-in-law. DS identifies more with his Grampa then his Dad anyways.

 Xs are jerks, that's why they are Xs. It will get easier, you will get into a routine of things and you wont even notice you don't have the extra set of idol hands.

achase123

skimberlin:

Sorry to hear this. I do find it inappropriate, but I also wonder why YOUR friends are even talking to him. I know that not having db there for a father would probably be in their best interest, but it's hard to accept some times. It sounds like your doing very well though. I am glad you have the support.

This.  If one of my friends was talking to DB like that, we would no longer be friends.  Period.

keelyxrosepetal

achase123:

skimberlin:

Sorry to hear this. I do find it inappropriate, but I also wonder why YOUR friends are even talking to him. I know that not having db there for a father would probably be in their best interest, but it's hard to accept some times. It sounds like your doing very well though. I am glad you have the support.

This.  If one of my friends was talking to DB like that, we would no longer be friends.  Period.

I thought I might have worded the first part right but I'm guessing it was worded a little wrong. My best friend didn't say those things, my ex did! I apologize for any confusion! 

DarthNBJenni

If your ex sent your friend a message, and she simply forwarded it - that's fine. But for her to have an on-going conversation with him seems like a betrayal of your trust.

My ex husband reached out to several of my friends on Facebook (simply just requesting them as friends), and not only did they deny his request, but they blocked him. I also get texts any time my friends see him out - which, while thoughtful, I've asked that they not do this. What he does in his time away from the girls does not affect how I live my life.

mcsheetobe

The things mentioned in the OP do not seem like grounds to dismiss him as the father of your child.  He has not yet even had a chance to be a dad.  Don;t you think he has that right?

As much as it seem like your kids would be better off without him, that is a choice for them to make not you.

He may not be your dream "baby daddy" now, but he was at some point, I assume based on that fact that you are having his child.

Its frustrating and annoying YES, but, again think of your child.  Not yourself.  This is her father, the man you CHOSE not her, and you can't just un-choose him because of allegations and things you have heard or he has said.

Being a good mother is about more than just taking care of your child.  It is about being mature enough to make selfless decisions and sacrifice, even when it's hard.

keelyxrosepetal

mcsheetobe:

The things mentioned in the OP do not seem like grounds to dismiss him as the father of your child.  He has not yet even had a chance to be a dad.  Don;t you think he has that right?

As much as it seem like your kids would be better off without him, that is a choice for them to make not you.

He may not be your dream "baby daddy" now, but he was at some point, I assume based on that fact that you are having his child.

Its frustrating and annoying YES, but, again think of your child.  Not yourself.  This is her father, the man you CHOSE not her, and you can't just un-choose him because of allegations and things you have heard or he has said.

Being a good mother is about more than just taking care of your child.  It is about being mature enough to make selfless decisions and sacrifice, even when it's hard.

My ex is choosing to not do anything towards our daughter. Of COURSE I wont cut him out completely, He's her father. I grew up not knowing my real father and it was a pain in the ass, but I would never give up the family I have now. She needs better than HIM. He's treated me like crap for the past two years, cheating, hitting, abusing his freedom (when I'm at home and he's gone), etc, etc. I refuse to let her be raised by someone who thinks it's okay to get high every single day, and cheat and fight? No, I don't think so, sorry.

I understand where you're coming from, but my ex is an abusive, pothead who doesn't deserve to see her. If he straightens up his act, then he's more than welcome in her life. Until then, she's being raised by people who have their priorities straight.