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Parenting
I really need to vent
And all I want is support or hugs or wine because at this point, I feel like I'm doing all I can.
STBX is unemployed. He's "living" off unemployment and off of me. He's not paying child support right now...claiming he needs money to live. The state is taking 20% of his AGI as child support....he says he needs it so I give it back to him each month (and even did this BEFORE he lost his job). What angers me is all I've done to encourage and support him and I end up being sh!t on.
1. I'm pretty sure he's at my house all day, eating my food, watching my TV, doing his laundry. He doesn't have cable and says his cabinets are empty because he can barely afford rent.
2. He's not even LOOKING for a job. I check the history on my laptop each day and all it shows is facebook and porn.
3. Dude has a Bachelors degree and has embarked on year EIGHT of working on a Masters. He's up to his eyeballs in debt.
4. He has collections people calling MY phone because he's too chickenshit to give out his number.
5. I'm still waiting on him to finish school before I can go back. I really feel the kids need at least one parent who can focus on them and be available for stuff while the other is in school.
I'm miserable. I'm broke because of him and I almost regret the day I even met him. I was NEVER this unhappy with myself, with my life, or with my situation until him. And I REALLY feel like I can't get out or get the old me back.
Oh...and he could probably move back in with his parents but, as bad as it sounds, I have no support system here and need him to still be around for the kids. If he moved back in with his parents, he would never see the children because his parents are 7 hours away.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I really need to vent
No answers, but I'm sorry. That sounds miserable.
Why in bloody FOCK are you giving him the money back?
You are helping him be an ass.
(((HUGS)))
I hope that things change, for the better, soon!!!
Why is he at your house on a daily basis? If he's doing nothing more than surfing the internet looking at porn and FB, then he would need to do that at his own house.
Buy him a newspaper, give him the classified ads, send him home and tell him that he needs to get a job or you're keeping the child support you are owed.
Kori,
If I don't give him the money back, he gets evicted, moves in with his parents...and that's all she wrote. I can get by without it but it certainly did help.
And....he just sent me a text saying he's bored.
I said "Go get a job".
I guess I need to stop being so nice.
I know he's watching the kids, I know you want him to be there for the kids when he can.
But. BUT - yes, you need to stop being so nice. He's not bothering to do anything because he knows you'll help him anyway - he's getting a free ride from you, why would he stop and have to pay for his own?
I'm sorry he's such an ass, A. I do wish this was easier for you. :-(
I think what needs to be done here is to find some alternative childcare. And that's not easy on two incomes, never mind one. Until that is achieved, there is a dependency on him, unfortunately!
Do you have any friends that you could barter with? Trade off daycare? Do you work "conventional" hours?
Jodi, I work 7a-2:30p.
I rearranged my work schedule around his so no childcare had to be paid for. One of us was always available.
And no, none of my friends have hours better than mine. They're all 8-5. The only friend who MIGHT be able to do it lives in the next county, she lives with her parents who smoke 3 packs a day inside the house.
I am not trying to be harsh but it doesn't sound like you want to do anything to make this situation different. This situation sounds terrible and I do feel for you. You are enabling him by giving him money, letting him in the house, etc. I would change the locks, keep my money and figure out how to get the kids cared for on my own. You will have to do it eventually.
ETA: I say all this because I was a child in this sort of situation. It was toxic for everyone. I think my mom thought she couldn't do it on her own. But she eventually discovered that she could and we were all so much happier. My dad never ended up being worth much in the money department- or really the helping out with the kids department. I think she realized at some point he wasn't going to change unless she set some boundaries.
This. And none of this is new. You have been venting about this sh!!t for years. I know this and I don't even know you. You don't need hugs and wine. You need a better plan. Seriously.
Christmas 2011
You are totally enabling him to be like this, I don't get it you said in your OP you gave the money back then in a response that you did not?
Where does he live? Why is he not watching the kids there?
You are creating this problem in your life.
This. Have you investigated your options for financial asistance from your county or state? You NEED to get some help so you can kick this jerk to the curb.
This. Sounds like you are co-dependant on each other.
Do NOT give his money back and change your locks.
ETA: Ah, I see he's watching the kids during the day. I agree that you need to explore other options. Otherwise, password protect your computer.
As far as the money goes, so what if he gets evicted and has to move in with his mom? That's his problem.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
Christmas 2011