Community› The Bump Message Boards› Parenting after a Loss
Parenting after a Loss
New Discussion
Options

MIL's gifts - WWYD?

mh2tmh2t
in Parenting after a Loss

Brief background: My ILs live in another state too far away to drive in.  My parents live in the next town over, so we see them a lot.  MIL has always been kind of touchy about the fact that we live near my folks and makes lots of backhanded comments.  (We don't live near my folks on purpose - it just happens that this is where DH's job is, so we live here).  Because of MIL's touchiness, I try to go out of my way not to rock the boat with her.  Also relevant is that DD has major skin problems and I only clothe her in soft cotton so as not to further irritate her skin.  MIL is very much aware of the skin issues as well.

Lately she has been sending DD lots of gifts - like, a new outfit every couple weeks.  She of course then wants photos to prove that DD is wearing the outfits, and I'm happy to oblige ... EXCEPT that she has been sending synthetic stuff that I don't want to put DD in.  She sent a headband made out of some super-scratchy synthetic stuff and I really didn't even want to put it on DD for the photo because I knew it would bother her.  Yesterday she sent an outfit - cotton leggings (fine) and a totally polyester top (not fine).  I told DH that DD can't wear the top.  He was all, "Well, let's just put it on her once and take a photo."  I really want him to explain to his mom that DD is only wearing cotton, but he is balking.  If he doesn't do it, I will, but I'm already the bad guy to her for "making" him live far away and I don't want to make things worse.  What do you think?

Report Reply to Post

Re: MIL's gifts - WWYD?

  • Options
    UseonfireUseonfire
    I guess I am unclear - is MIL sending your DD things to wear knowing that she can't wear them? or is a matter of the fact that MIL thinks these fabrics are OK and just doesn't know better? If the latter is the case, I'd definitely let her know that DD can only wear cotton and that you simply can't put her in anything else.  If the former is the case, then she is a controlling know-it-all like my MIL (who I love dearly, but again thinks she knows best!) and there will be nothing you can likely do to get through to her except set firm boundaries that you and DH agree upon.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MrsPattersonMrsPatterson member

    DH and I have a deal - we each deal with our own set of parents.  If something uncomfortable needs to be conveyed to his parents, HE does the dirty work.  

    Your DH doesn't have to get confrontational.  He can just say something like, "Mom we really appreciate your generosity, those outfits you are sending are so cute.  But last time we tried to put her in one of the outfits you sent, DD's skin got really irritated since it wasn't cotton.  We don't want you wasting your money on clothes she can't wear, so if you find an outfit you like, can you make sure to check that it's cotton before you buy it?"  And if she continues to send clothes your DD can't wear, you will always have that conversation to refer back to when she asks for pictures, like, "Oh it wasn't cotton so we can't put it on her" as sweet as can be!  Kill her with kindness.  ILs can be such a minefield.    

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    mh2tmh2t

    imageUseonfire:
    I guess I am unclear - is MIL sending your DD things to wear knowing that she can't wear them? or is a matter of the fact that MIL thinks these fabrics are OK and just doesn't know better? If the latter is the case, I'd definitely let her know that DD can only wear cotton and that you simply can't put her in anything else.  If the former is the case, then she is a controlling know-it-all like my MIL (who I love dearly, but again thinks she knows best!) and there will be nothing you can likely do to get through to her except set firm boundaries that you and DH agree upon.

    I think she just doesn't think.  She also generally thinks that I am too rigid on rules with DD (like, when we were visiting, she and FIL didn't get why I couldn't just take DD out of her carseat - in a moving car - to nurse her - I had insisted on pulling over during a long drive), so it's possible she thinks it's OK to clothe her in less soft fabrics.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    UseonfireUseonfire
    imagemh2t:

    imageUseonfire:
    I guess I am unclear - is MIL sending your DD things to wear knowing that she can't wear them? or is a matter of the fact that MIL thinks these fabrics are OK and just doesn't know better? If the latter is the case, I'd definitely let her know that DD can only wear cotton and that you simply can't put her in anything else.  If the former is the case, then she is a controlling know-it-all like my MIL (who I love dearly, but again thinks she knows best!) and there will be nothing you can likely do to get through to her except set firm boundaries that you and DH agree upon.

    I think she just doesn't think.  She also generally thinks that I am too rigid on rules with DD (like, when we were visiting, she and FIL didn't get why I couldn't just take DD out of her carseat - in a moving car - to nurse her - I had insisted on pulling over during a long drive), so it's possible she thinks it's OK to clothe her in less soft fabrics.

    My MIL did something similar.  We made the mistake of allowing her to put DS in his carseat once... big mistake.  SHE FORGOT TO STRAP HIM IN! So then as we're driving, I'm yelling at DH to pull over so I can take DS out and put him in his car seat properly... clearly the last time we let her near the carseat. 

    My MIL also thinks it is perfectly acceptable to give the baby Tylenol or Benadryl if he is waking too often to eat (I don't think waking up once or maybe twice at the most is too much).  And when he was 2.5 weeks old, she of course told me to give him cereal to  "make it through the night."

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    vml14vml14
    We also are battling bad skin issues, and only put my LO in cotton.  I would go the route of killing her with kindness by saying something like "I LOVED LOVED LOVED the outfit you just sent!  I tried putting it on her even though it wasn't cotton because it was so darn cute, and within an hour her skin was a disaster.  I'm so sad she won't get to wear it again."  At that point, I don't think you even need to say "so stop sending us stuff that isn't cotton."  If she can't pick up on it from that, and continues to send non-cotton stuff, just pack it away or donate it.  When she asks, say, remember I told you that her skin can't really handle cotton....
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jnealetjnealet member

    imagevml14:
    We also are battling bad skin issues, and only put my LO in cotton.  I would go the route of killing her with kindness by saying something like "I LOVED LOVED LOVED the outfit you just sent!  I tried putting it on her even though it wasn't cotton because it was so darn cute, and within an hour her skin was a disaster.  I'm so sad she won't get to wear it again."  At that point, I don't think you even need to say "so stop sending us stuff that isn't cotton."  If she can't pick up on it from that, and continues to send non-cotton stuff, just pack it away or donate it.  When she asks, say, remember I told you that her skin can't really handle cotton....

     

    I like this answer - I think you should use it!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"