Looong story short:
My brother died in October under very mysterious and tragic circumstances. He was missing for 6 days before his body was found in the river in Boston. This all happened one week after my grandmother passed away after being very ill for some time.
DH and I live in PA and our families live in NC (in cities 45 minutes apart). When my grandmother died, my MIL demanded that we come see her while we were in NC. This wouldn't have been a problem except that her whole schedule was booked for the entire time we were going to be there, so she demanded that we tell her a time we'd be available so she could rearrange her schedule. At this point, the funeral hadn't even been planned, and we weren't sure where we'd be needed (there needed to be a lot of help cleaning up her house, etc), so we said that unfortunately we weren't able to make any commitments and we'd have to see her another time.
Two weeks later, we were home again after being in Boston helping with the search for my brother, this time helping my mom plan her second funeral that month. Again, MIL demanded that since we were in town for a week, we absolutely had to come visit her and spend the night. I thought that was totally selfish and unreasonable and told her so, and we saw her at the wake and at the funeral.
We visited NC a few more times between then and now and visited her at her home during those visits.
Now we are about to be home again. While we are there, my parents are going to be meeting with MA State Police to go over all the evidence in my brother's case and they are going to tell them their conclusions. Up to this point there has been no ruling in the cause or manner of his death, so we'll be finding out if they have ruled it accident, murder, or suicide. Regardless of what it is, it will be insanely difficult for my family. Of course, MIL is already laying the pressure on about how unfair it is for us to spend the entire week with my family and not bring DD to spend the night with her while we're home. I sort of feel like I need to spend these days with my family, but I know it's difficult for her not living near her granddaughter. At the same time, it makes me incredibly angry that she is pressuring us this way. WDYT?