Ever feel like you just can't win? Ever?

AnnapolisLari

I am really depressed today. MH made me feel like sh*t. Again.

He's been all gung-ho about this second interview in Cleveland. He always interviews well, and feels better when he looks great. He's got a new suit, tie and shirt for it, and I've done the alterations.

So yesterday, to really clinch it, I went out an bought him a new topcoat and shoes, so that he looks super-sharp and feels more confident. I used the money I earn from my coupon board, so it was a gift from me to him. He said that the coat and shoes are perfect, and he loves them.

About an hour later, he came to where I was sitting and basically ripped me a new one. "There's no guarantee I'll get the job, let alone move, you need to stop pressuring me, you should be happy I have a job, blah blah blah."

I realize that he is stressed. Got it. But if I back off and let him do his thing, he accuses me of being cold, angry and bitter. If I am supportive and enthusiastic, I get this crap. I just can't win.

And thanks in advance for the flaming that I am sure to get from the Sunshine Patrol. Fuckyouverymuch for kicking me while I am down.

 

mlm1128

Sounds to me like you are trying to help him, not pressure him.  It's understandable that he is stressed, but does he think it's a circus every day for you living with your mom?

monchichi

No flames here. It really does sound like you can't win.  I hope he comes to his senses

katie277s

I totally understand.  When DH is stressed, it doesn't matter what I do, it always seems wrong.  It sucks, but I've learned that if I just let him be grumpy for awhile, he always calls and apologizes. 

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) and I hope this Cleveland thing really does work out!  

joseysbride

Sorry, Lari.  It sounds like you both are stressed about the situation (I can't imagine how you wouldn't be), and I'm sure he does feel a lot of pressure, no matter what you do.  That does not make it okay for him to act that way, though.  Hopefully after the interview is over he will realize that you are just doing your best to help and be supportive.

omurray

Ugh.  Sounds like he's pretty stressed and took it out on you.  I'm sorry that happened.  It was really nice of you to use your extra money to get him the coat and shoes.  He probably just overthought that.  Sorry its a bad day =(  I hope he gets the job and you can all move forward with your plans!!!

 

DandelionMom

(((hugs)))  I hate it when DH involves me in his little pissy freak outs. 

knmommy

(((hugs))) Hope it works out for the both of you.

Andrewsgal

Aw ((HUGS))) DH is the same way when facing a major life change, I am sure he is nervous and does not want to let you down. He went about it the wrong way, and I hope he realizes he was wrong.

AnnapolisLari

Thanks, ladies. I am really upset about it. He really ripped into me-- "This is your pipe dream, not mine. I want to do what is best for my family, blah blah blah."

OK, so not earning enough at your current job for the lifestyle you want is best. A wife who is constantly stressed is best. Living with your MIL is best. Right. Totally on board, dear.

 

cnybride2be

he totally sounds like my dad...he would so say this kind of stuff to my mom when HE was feeling unsure about something, and after she went out of her way to make everything as right as possible.  it is def. the stress he's feeling, but doesn't excuse the way he just lashed out at you.  soo..my mom learned to confront him with how he made her feel when he got through his stessful meeting, appointment, interview what have you.  she used to just let it go, but that didn't make him accountable for the hurt feelings nor curb them the next time he was stressed. 

it sounds like you are being super supportive about the big interview and he wants to get it for himself and you and the kids, otherwise he wouldn't be so darn crabby.  he's being mean to you because he doesn't want to disappoint you.  if you are already mad at him, it won't matter so much him not getting it.  it's not nice, but how he's dealing right now.

feel better because you are just being supportive.  hopefully, there will be no wait time finding out the results of the interview.

Zenya

I would be so hurt.  I'm sorry.

xbrooklyngrl

I wouldn't take what he said to heart. It does sound like he's just putting what he actually feels on you and making it like they are your feelings.

Once he calms the f*ck down, I'd bring up to him how f*cked up that was. You went out of your way to make him feel good and show your support.

Remind him you are a team, working together for better, not against eachother.

 

winery

To echo the other posters who mentioned that he didn't mean it, I'm saying he's just stressed and lashing out at you (because he needs to be that way to someone) to relieve his stress.

It's not right and after he gets the job, you can whoop his butt for it, but that's all it is.

Luck to D.

AnnapolisLari

I know he's just lashing out, and I can usually roll with it, but my feelings were REALLY hurt this time.

We spent the afternoon hiking around Arundel Mills (winery knows how big that place is) looking for shoes that I knew he'd like and the coat that he told me he wanted. AND I got decent deals on them, which was the icing on the cake.

melmax

DandelionMom:

(((hugs)))  I hate it when DH involves me in his little pissy freak outs. 

This Lari.  Hugs and feel better!  Can you leave the kids with you mom for an hour and go get a manicure or pedicure?

Andrewsgal

AnnapolisLari:

I know he's just lashing out, and I can usually roll with it, but my feelings were REALLY hurt this time.

We spent the afternoon hiking around Arundel Mills (winery knows how big that place is) looking for shoes that I knew he'd like and the coat that he told me he wanted. AND I got decent deals on them, which was the icing on the cake.

I love Arundel Mills, not so much with kids.

I am sorry your feelings are hurt mine would be too.

AnnapolisLari

Yeah, the kids were pretty good, though. We went to Bass Pro Shops and followed the footprints in the floor and watched the huge fish tank twice.

I may go get a pedicure-- I need one. But I've chewed all my fingernails off from the stress.

lsufan

I am constantly telling DH that being stressed is not an excuse for snapping at me.  He usually apologizes afterwards, but it still hurts.  Sorry your DH did that to you.

melmax

AnnapolisLari:

I may go get a pedicure-- I need one. But I've chewed all my fingernails off from the stress.

I do that too- dang habit since I was a kid.  All the more reason to make your toes pretty, and do something nice for yourself!!

femmegem

(((hugs))) I'm sorry. I hate it when DH takes his stress out on me, too.

goodheartedmommy

Wow, that sucks! All you did was give him a very nice gift--I don't see how that's pressuring him. I'm assuming he's very stressed, but that reaction was still not okay.

Kapalua

I haven't read any of the other replies yet, so sorry if I'm repeating.  Anyways, my first thought is that he doesn't want to dissapoint you and he knows how much you want this (and he does too!).  But, if he frames it the way he did-less pressure on him, you know?  It's silly and boys don't get it...but I know this to be true b/c I get the same stuff from MH and it makes me feel like he thinks I'm trying to force him into moving or something.

That was rambling, sorry...but I can relate, that's all.

Hang in there!  And loads of luck on his interview! ((hugs))

summerbrideDC

stress can be so disruptive to normal communication.  Sounds like he's afraid of letting you down.

I'm sorry he hurt your feelings.  

 

shopgirl78

MH is the same way when he is stressed.  Hugs!

eclaires

I think Kap is probably right.

I'm sorry he took it out on you, but I know I'm guilty of doing that, too, when I feel stress or pressure from MH.  I am always sorry after the fact, but sometimes I can't control my stress level and response.  It's not right, but just try not to take it personally!

When is his interview?  I'll be sending major job vibes!

AnnapolisLari

He's coordinating his schedule with the CEOs-- it's either going to be late this week or early next.

Thanks, ladies. Logically I know why he did what he did, but I am feeling so defeated with the length of time that this whole thing has taken. There's only so long that I can be a perky and supportive cheerleader.

 

MelandJeff

Sorry Lari... that stinks. I can imagine how stressed out he is, but you have been nothing but supportive.

I am sure he will apologize. 

EliseB0323

Yeah, MH freaked out because I actually brought him a piece of paper with information he needed on it, rather than shout each piece of information at him from another part of the house when he requested it. So I sympathize. Somehow men think they are the center of the universe when they are under any kind of stress.