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Buy your own lunch?
What would you do if your shower, though hosted by 2 cousins, was a dutch treat lunch? They got a cake, decorations and invititations, but I feel uneasy about people having to pay for their lunch. It wasn't even indicated on the invitations.
Would you leave it alone or secretly call the restaurant and arrange to pay for everyone?...which would be around $150.
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Re: Buy your own lunch?
I'd be upset if I was invited to a shower and expected to pay for my own lunch, especially if I wasn't notified beforehand.
If it really bothers you and you can afford it, then by all means go ahead and pay for it. But if you do this, then I really think that you need to have a conversation with your cousins before the shower.
FWIW, I've been to both - showers at resturants that I have paid for my own meal and ones that my meal has been paid for me. I did not bat an eye at paying my own meal, but that is just me.
I would call ahead and arrange to pay for the food. I'm w/ you - people shouldn't have to pay for their food at a shower. As yo usaid- your cousins could have done a much simpler shower at someones house that would have cost next to nothing.
And to not give people a heads up- bad. If I at least knew I'd be paying for myself, I could come prepared.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
PLEASE don't secretly pay for the lunch since it's YOUR shower! Frankly, I can't even believe your cousins would even think about surprising the guests with "guess what? you have to pay for your lunch" without even saying something on the invitation. I think you need to call your cousins immediately and tell them your concern. Then, maybe all of you can come up with a plan that works for everyone. This could mean that the 2 cousins split the bill (which I only think appropriate since they are the hosts), and if you're willing, maybe you could split it 3 ways...but I'm firmly against you having to shell out for your own party. Or, the cousins will have to let guests know that they will have to pay their own way BEFORE the day of the shower (maybe they can indicate this when people rsvp) I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I would feel uncomfortable too:(
So did your cousins tell them they had to pay their own way AFTER they had already RSVPd? If no one seemed put out I am sure they were just being polite.
I really think you need to call your cousins and make some other arrangements. Not only would I be put out for paying for my own food to a shower, but if I found out the mom -to-be ended up paying for everyone, I would feel terrible. It i just an incredibly tacky position to put your guests in. If they couldn't afford to have a restaurant shower than they shouldn't have had one there.
I disagree, I think it's fine that people would pay for their own food. If it's at a restaraunt, then I don't see what the big deal is. I went to a shower like this, and thought it was the best way to go. I actually would have felt bad if the hostess paid, because I ordered more food than I ate and took a whole meal (basically) back home out of my leftovers.
Really, I would let it go. Maybe it's a regional thing, but I would have no problem paying. Plus, guests already know, so they can show up less hungry if they don;t want to pay.
"This ribbon has been reported." - lovesnina
It would be just about as tacky to complain as it is to tell guests to pay for their own lunch. Really, this is completely unacceptable.
Around here it is kind of a common thing to have showers that people buy there own food at, although it isn't optimal. I would just let your cousin's know that a couple of your guests were perhaps unaware and you wanted to make SURE everyone knew before hand. If it truly stresses you out, perhaps you could purchase appetizers for the table so if there are guests who don't want to eat or spend money, they can just snack!''
I will say you will stress about it way more than your guests will and as long as they can politely each cheap or bow out of the meal if they want to save money, you are fine!
Oh, I like this even better. SInce many people are already expecting to pay, buy some appetizers, and then no one will feel like they have to buy anything. Good call!
This. And I would not get hostess gifts for the hostesses.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
I may be the minority here; but this is what we normally do at work. All of the co-workers know that they have to purchase their own lunch and they pitch in $5 or $10 for a group gift. But this is a "work shower". Then a handful of people will pitch in to buy the lunch for the mom-to be and have cake, balloons, and some decorations (usually the boss, and a couple of the mom to be friends).
But for regular shower where you expect people to buy individual gift; then meals should be taken care of by the hostess. I would probably pay for the lunch, and yes, skip the gifts for the hostess.
I am ending up basically planning my own shower. We decided it would be better to go to a restaurant and have a dinner instead of the usual baby shower as there will be men there also. I have no way of paying for everyone, so I'm just going to let them know that they will be expected to pay their own way. I don't think it is tacky for people to pay for their own meal, but I do think it's tacky for the guests to expect everything to be paid for them. (Especially since no one but my out of state aunt offered to through a shower).
You pay because you are hosting GUESTS. If you want to sit around and have dinner with your friends then that is not hosting an event and of course, people can pay their own way.
If I am going somewhere as a GUEST, then I expect to be treated as one. And in my view, if you can't afford to treat people as guests then host something you can afford.
There's nothing wrong with having a coed shower at someones house and making food that you can afford to serve.
But "buy me a gift for my shower and pay for a meal too" is just not classy at all. The fact that no one offered to throw you a shower is irrelevant.
Do yourself a favor and don't call it a shower. Call it something else.
And yes, that's tacky in the extreme.
The reason "guest... expect everything to be paid for them" is BECAUSE THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE.
I have to laugh at aborgra's comment. Are you like 16? You don't invite someone to YOUR party and then tell them once they are there that if they wanted something to eat then they should have brought something for themselves. Not only is that tacky...it is poor manners. I wonder who raised these people who think it is OK to host a shower and then expect the guests to pay their own way. I guess it comes down to this...either you want guests to buy gifts you can use for your baby OR you just want to get together with them and have lunch/dinner and they pay for that. It would be different if you were just having a potluck party or something like that (but not for a shower). I won't even get into hosting your own shower.
If your cousins were not financially able to host a shower at a restaurant and pay for the food (just pizza and soda would have been fine) then they should have had it at someone's home and just had the cake and punch thing. It will be interesting to see if some of those who gave a "yes" RSVP end up not coming and just send a gift.
BTW...I have heard that this is a common practice in Florida (sorry to single out this state) from previous posters. But...it is indicated on the invite that you will be "charged" to attend the baby shower. Yes...I meant to say "charged". lol
Ugh, very awkward. Personally, I would not be offended if I went to a shower and had to pay for my own lunch at a restaurant, but at the same time I would never want an event thrown for me to be done that way. At this point, it's really tough, because everything is already arranged.
I would talk to your cousins again and express that this is really bothering you, and tell them you are planning on paying, then make arrangements with the restaurant. I wouldn't want to keep it a secret, and I'd be very apologetic for changing their plans, but I'd just emphasize how uncomfortable it makes you and that it's what you feel you need to do. Hopefully they would be willing to chip in at that point, but if it was me, I'd pay either way.
This!
this