Lets discuss telling a baby "no"

kit443 · January 2010

I have a friend with a LO who is about 8 months old. She was telling me that her DD has started lunging for cords (power, usb, etc) so she has started telling her "NO" in a stern voice.

Is this an effective strategy for a baby? I have no idea since my LO is younger, and don't really know what I would do when Monk is that age.

For me, currently, I just try and re-direct by taking away what I don't want him to have and replacing it with his toys and rewarding good behavior (saying "good job", "Yay" etc always makes him smile).

Thoughts?

mjlx207 · January 2010

We tell her no, and redirect her attention, or move her away from whatever she is getting into. Not necessarily in a stern voice, but more a "No Madalyn, you cannot eat the dog's food/play in the trash can/lick the toilet"

However, right now, she thinks "no" is HILARIOUS.

Jennilynn · January 2010

We started "No touch" right around Christmas with redirection and he already understands and obeys REALLY well. When he stops in his tracks he gets praise.

kit443 · January 2010

mjlx207:

We tell her no, and redirect her attention, or move her away from whatever she is getting into. Not necessarily in a stern voice, but more a "No Madalyn, you cannot eat the dog's food/play in the trash can/lick the toilet"

However, right now, she thinks "no" is HILARIOUS.

Yeah I see that as a backfire.

Also, lick the toilet? Really?

Heather & Nayt · January 2010

what we d ois redirect, but as we do it i tell him "no drew doesnt play with mommy's glasses" or "no, drew doesnt pull on daddys laptop" that way he hears what he is doing wrong, and hopefully will one day put two and two together. we also make a huge deal of him doing something good, that way he will hopefully learn. but i might be majorly off base but it works for us.

puhorst03 · January 2010

So I'm in the camp that for REAL safety issues (like cords and things) it's a parent's responsibility to get rid of as MUCH as possible, then teach your child the limit as soon as possible.

Personally, my daughter was so stunned the first time I said NO! to her (when she bit me nursing at 8 months) that she NEVER did it again. But... she's always been a verbal child, and I've always been able to use words to teach her. always.

I have a feeling my son is not going to be the same way. He's 6 months, and is MUCH more physical than my DD, I think he's going to end up needing a lot more physical intervention in the form of redirection, and possibly a handswat for REALLY dangerous situations (not a spanking or a slap, just a little swat on his fingertips with a verbal NO! if he attempts to touch something like a hot stove).

I'm a big believer in multiple intelligence theory, and that different kids need instruction in different forms. If your friend's daughter is verbal, then NO! should do the trick. If not, then your friend will need to find a new way of teaching her daughter safety.

esutton76 · January 2010

We are dealing with this right now with our almost one year old. I think ?no? just comes out naturally for me and I would love to stop this habit. I try to redirect his attention, but sometimes that just doesn?t work. I know in the past when we have said ?no? to DS, he would laugh at us, but just recently when we have said it he starts to stick out that lower lip of his and he gets his feelings hurt?it just breaks my heart. I would love to hear what other parents are doing in this situation.

DiAnne82 · January 2010

We've told our DD "no" for a while now. Now she (generally) knows not touch the cords or the computer, as well as stay out of the dog water/food bowls. I know we still have a long way to go, but it has helped some.

pharmacygirl · January 2010

we do the same - we tell him no no and redirect. He thinks its the most hilarious thing in the world. I don't think he gets it quite yet. But we still tell him not to mess with things he is not suppose to. Especially if its something that must stay in its place ( like the garbage can). He likes to knock them over.

Fish4Fun · January 2010

Jennilynn:
We started "No touch" right around Christmas with redirection and he already understands and obeys REALLY well. When he stops in his tracks he gets praise.

Same, except I don't know about her obeying REALLY well. She's very good at stopping in her tracks, but then she usually gets this sneaky smile and defiantly touches it slowly. Luckily, the process is drawn out enough to give me time to get to her before she actually touches anything nasty. (It's always the toilets. WHY, Isis, WHY.)

ljlkm · January 2010

I don't think a child that young can understand. I think you pretty much have to redirect at that age.

DEBBIE33CASEY · January 2010

I read in WTE:1st year that by 9 months your baby should know what NO means but will not necessarily obey it. I've tried saying NO to her but obviously she doesn't really react to it, and i won't say it in a really mean voice b/c i'm not comfortable with that at this point.

So do I know if it works? no. Do I expect it to work? Not really. But someday she'll know what NO means. So I do like you do and redirect her to something else.

Jennilynn · January 2010

Fish4Fun:
Jennilynn:
We started "No touch" right around Christmas with redirection and he already understands and obeys REALLY well. When he stops in his tracks he gets praise.
Same, except I don't know about her obeying REALLY well. She's very good at stopping in her tracks, but then she usually gets this sneaky smile and defiantly touches it slowly. Luckily, the process is drawn out enough to give me time to get to her before she actually touches anything nasty. (It's always the toilets. WHY, Isis, WHY.)

LOL, luckily when I forget to shut the bathroom door Ro just plays with the scale... so far.

Also wanted to add that we explain why when we re-direct. And after he does stop in his tracks & we praise him we tell him to come into a different area or go pick him up and re-direct him.

kit443 · January 2010

puhorst03:

I'm a big believer in multiple intelligence theory, and that different kids need instruction in different forms.

Me too, good point.

mjlx207 · January 2010

kit443:
mjlx207:

We tell her no, and redirect her attention, or move her away from whatever she is getting into. Not necessarily in a stern voice, but more a "No Madalyn, you cannot eat the dog's food/play in the trash can/lick the toilet"

However, right now, she thinks "no" is HILARIOUS.

Yeah I see that as a backfire.

Also, lick the toilet? Really?

that was me being sarcastic. And it's really just us talking to her while redirecting/removing her from the situation. I don't really think telling her "no" is going to get her anywhere at this age. Does that make sense? I don't feel i'm explaining myself well.

me&mymonkey · January 2010

mjlx207:

We tell her no, and redirect her attention, or move her away from whatever she is getting into. Not necessarily in a stern voice, but more a "No Madalyn, you cannot eat the dog's food/play in the trash can/lick the toilet"

However, right now, she thinks "no" is HILARIOUS.

We do all of this. Problem is that ds now looks at us when we say no and tells us yes. Crazy kid.

MStason · January 2010

We say NO Q lets not play with that, it isnt a toy. Here you can play with this. Isn't this fun. She does not seem to care if we say no or not.

PregoCC · January 2010

ljlkm:
I don't think a child that young can understand. I think you pretty much have to redirect at that age.

This. I get weekly Infancy updates from my hospital (like the weekly pregnancy updates) and this is exacly what they said.

kit443 · January 2010

ljlkm:
I don't think a child that young can understand. I think you pretty much have to redirect at that age.

I guess this is my real question. I am not sure a baby can understand "no". Maybe after a while they can associate "no" with Mommy/Daddy being mad. IDK. My only experience with kids is with mine, so I don't know how much the older ones can understand.

kit443 · January 2010

mjlx207:
kit443:
mjlx207:

We tell her no, and redirect her attention, or move her away from whatever she is getting into. Not necessarily in a stern voice, but more a "No Madalyn, you cannot eat the dog's food/play in the trash can/lick the toilet"

However, right now, she thinks "no" is HILARIOUS.

Yeah I see that as a backfire.

Also, lick the toilet? Really?

that was me being sarcastic. And it's really just us talking to her while redirecting/removing her from the situation. I don't really think telling her "no" is going to get her anywhere at this age. Does that make sense? I don't feel i'm explaining myself well.

HEHE. I was just kidding. I think kids are funny - they all go through that stage of doing gross stuff. MJ you always make sense

htomeo · January 2010

mjlx207:
We tell her no, and redirect her attention, or move her away from whatever she is getting into. Not necessarily in a stern voice, but more a "No Madalyn, you cannot eat the dog's food/play in the trash can/lick the toilet"

However, right now, she thinks "no" is HILARIOUS.

Same with us. Except now Willis is at the age that he is starting to understand "No".

mjlx207 · January 2010

kit443:
mjlx207:
kit443:
mjlx207:

We tell her no, and redirect her attention, or move her away from whatever she is getting into. Not necessarily in a stern voice, but more a "No Madalyn, you cannot eat the dog's food/play in the trash can/lick the toilet"

However, right now, she thinks "no" is HILARIOUS.

Yeah I see that as a backfire.

Also, lick the toilet? Really?

that was me being sarcastic. And it's really just us talking to her while redirecting/removing her from the situation. I don't really think telling her "no" is going to get her anywhere at this age. Does that make sense? I don't feel i'm explaining myself well.

HEHE. I was just kidding. I think kids are funny - they all go through that stage of doing gross stuff. MJ you always make sense

Printing this off to show my husband. Thanks Kit

BelleBaby · January 2010

Our pedi told us at their 6 month appt that we should start telling them "no" and redirect their attention so they start to learn what it means. We just look them in the eye and say "no" in a stern voice now and they pretty much know what we're saying. Of course now they're also learning to be defiant, so that sucks.

lwrigley2000 · January 2010

I have a friend who instead of saying "no", makes the "ehhh" sound in a stern way. This way the infant/toddler isn't always hearing the word "no" but gets the point that they are doing something they aren't supposed to be.

I have a feeling I'm just going to be a "no" mom.

One of the baby books say that when you say no, keep your sentences short at this age. Ex: "No, don't touch. No, don't pull. No, don't bite."

outnumbered · January 2010

My opinion is that 'no' does not work well at a young age. If you use 'no' keep it simple 'no touch, no play, no run'. A baby will tune out anything longer. My pediatrician (a father to 4 young children) encourages practicing positive parenting for babies. He says to redirect and praise. He told me that it is really hard to do and he caught himself saying no too often. Once babies are older no is more effective.

MrsBeckaT615 · January 2010

Max occasionally whines. I will tell him no and he instantly stops. There's nothing wrong with being assertive towards a baby from the beginning. In fact, I think it's for the best.

rebus82 · January 2010

Just saying "no" is pretty pointless, IMO. The child has no idea what he's being told no about. Cords? Lunging? That spot particularly? I think something like "cords are dangerous, we don't touch those" is much better, and a loud "no" to get their attention if there's immediate danger (like an attempt to chew on said cord) followed by redirection and explanation.

SIL/BIL tend to just scream "NO" at their daughter when she's doing something she's not supposed to, like go behind the TV stand. Never once have I seen them go and get her, and say "no, we don't go back there, it's not safe for little girls" (or whatever.) They just scream and scream and eventually go and grab her and put her in time-out (which is a whole 'nother ball of stupid at her age.) It doesn't work, yet somehow it always seems to come back to her being a naughty baby rather than a totally clueless one.

CalinsBride · January 2010

Moses has started doing that too. It's driving me nuts. If he's touching something he shouldn't touch, I either say "Let go" or "Give me that, please". I think that's more positive than "No!" Then I redirect. Obviously he doesn't know what "let go" means, but he will eventually get it.

If he's grabbing my hair or pinching me or something I say "that hurts" instead of "no." It's important to try to limit the use of the words "No" and "Don't" with children.