not having proof...

inbetween

As soon as H told me he was leaving, I came to the conclusion that he was a. cheating. b. doing drugs or c. gay.

Mil has denied all and seems to think that he is having side effects from a very serious wreck he was in as a child.

Last night I had a cop pounding on my door at 12:45 in the morning!!! I was scared, and then just got pissed off. Apparently H left his car parked in front of some strangers house.

Well mil messages me this morning asking about it, I asked how she found out. She said she has esp.This pisses me off because I'm not stupid obviously she talked to someone, so I called sil, the only perosn I had talked to, and her husband visited mil today.

Now they seem to think H is involved with drugs, or very heavy alcohol, and mil was all 'you will call the family if anything happens to him right.' My response was that of course I would, but before long he will not be my responsability.

Having proof of him cheating or doing drugs, wouldn't change the fact that this has happened, but things would make a lot more sense, and I would be able to let go of the guilt and blaming myself.

I do realize I may never know the truth.

Is anyone else in a similar position?

 

meghan_marie

Please don't blame yourself for what he did or is doing. You did nothing wrong.

achase123

Gawd your mil sounds like my xmil.  So in denial!  There is a good possibility that he is on drugs.  My XH was and I didn't know it for a long time.  A huge change in their behavior is a red flag.  He started keeping weird hours too.  It explained a lot for me, hopefully you get some answers.  Maybe ask him about random drug testing?  XH hates it when I bring up a hair follicle test-he freaks about it and does whatever he can to try to get out of it-my mom said she would pay for one for him the other day when he was squawking about how expensive they are.  That shut him up!  GL, and if he IS on drugs make sure you have your lawyer draw up something about drug testing being mandatory before he can have any kind of unsupervised visits with DD.

judyzee

My situation is a bit similar but my stbx is somewhat of a functioning drug/alcohol abuser, if he is one.

I knew before dating him that he used to use coke in college.. recreationally.. half if not more than half of our school used. After that though i never suspected anything and i figured if he did do it it was just once in a while because i never found anything on him etc.. He is a big drinker and always has been but we are very social and always had a busy social life involving bars/partying. Kind of the culture here in NYC however H would sometimes take it to an extreme.. always wanted to stay out later than everyone else etc..

I found coke on him 3 times after i got pregnant. I'm not sure if it just started again once i became pregnant or if it had been going on the whole time. Right before he left he had been going out NON STOP and was definitely doing coke. The thing is i dont know if the Coke was the cause of him leaving or if it was the stress of him leaving driving him to do it.. which is what he said to me. When he broke down and told me that he wanted to leave he said "i've been doing coke... this is how bad i feel"

I want to blame the drugs and say he did this irrationally and that in a normal state he never could have walked out on our near perfect life when i was 6 months pregnant, that he never could have done this to me. On the other hand, its just possible he's telling the truth. I'm starting to realize this now. It kills.

I dont really know much of what he does anymore. We dont speak unless it involves money and he doesnt seem to have any interest in being involved with the baby. This is not the man i married, thats for sure and i dont know what the real driving force behind this all is but i think when someone hurts you this badly you just dont want to believe that they really mean what they're doing.