Is it b**ch-y to think...

karatechrissy

Ok, so my DH and I are going to register for our baby shower in the next couple of weeks. I had a conversatin with my mom on the phone about what we need and colors I'm planning on.  She says something to the effect of 'I think registries are stupid, you're just asking for gifts, I feel like whatever I want to get someone and I think is cute is what I'm gonna get and they will either take it or leave it'

This statement left me baffled! I proceeded to get a tad snippy with my mom (who, let me clear up, I have a wonderful relationship with, but we have our moments just like any mother and daughter) and I said 'That's the reason people register! So people know what I need and what I LIKE! I don't want someone to get me something that THEY like and it's something I DON'T like!' we got in a small argument on what's the 'polite' thing to do. Am I wrong or bitchy to think that people should, for the most part, stick with the registry? I don't want 10,0000000 blankets and onsies and none of what I actually NEED. My mom called me a spoiled brat. :-( Am I?? If so then I suck, but seriously, I don't want someone thinking they are doing me a favor by buying cute bedding when I've already registred for something else and then I feel like I have to use that said bedding just because they got it for me. I want what I register for!

ToBeFrank

You should be gracious and grateful that anyone would buy you anything because no one has to get you a thing.

That doesn't mean it's not nice to get what you specifically want and need. As someone who doesn't have a lot of space, I am really hoping that people don't waste their money with a whole bunch of extras that I'm not going to be able to keep. I am really thinking of them not wasting their time/money and not me getting what I want.

.....BUT I am will still be grateful and humble and I will never make a big deal publicly about sticking to my registry to someone who will be buying me a gift. That's just rude. If I need to vent, I'll speak to DH or write it in my journal.

 So it's only natural to have those "stick to my registry" thoughts, but have the decency to not have that type of discussion in mixed company because it can make you sound bad. And your reasons do make you sound like a brat.

ximena0298

No...you're not spoild or stupid. You just know exactly what you need. I registered a couple weeks ago and my husband thought it was rediculous. I explained to him that at my babyshower I want what I need, not what I already have. He looked at me and then said that it made since. I just don't want to end up with two strollers or two baby baths. No matter how cute some stuff is I think it's better to let my family know what I need and like. So if I were you I'd keep filling my registry with everything I'd want and need!!!

summerne

The best we can do is register and hope for the best. If registries were so stupid, they wouldn't offer them! Sometimes people buy what you need, but it's not exactly what you picked, like nail clippers or wipes and it won't matter. And sometimes you can just take back an item and get what you need or like. Also there might be things you get that you didn't know you would need or love. Best of luck!

EastCoastBride

I think this is a stupid thing to get in a fight over.  Yes, I wanted people to buy off my registry, but what I always kept in mind (and what you need to realize) is that it's a WISH LIST.  Period.  If people want to buy off of it, wonderful.  But if they don't, so be it. 

There is an aspect to your attitude that I do find a bit b1tchy, to be honest.  It sounds like you're going to be ungrateful for gifts you get that aren't from your registry.  Not that you would be that to their faces, but even behind the scenes, yeah.... I find your attitude a bit off-putting.

And really- MOST people who don't buy off your registry aren't going to buy you a bedding set.  They are going to buy you cute outfits, or something they found particularily helpful when they had a baby, etc. 

karatechrissy

It's not that I"m going to be ungrateful for anything anyone buys me at all. I think it's awesome that anyone buy anything for our LO in the first place. I just don't want to get like, 3 of the same thing. And I didn't FIGHT with my mom over it, it was just a little bit of a strained discussion as to that she doesn't think I should have a registry at all, and I think I should. Of course, not everyone is going off of the registry, I know that. I just am hoping there aren't a lot of people getting me the same thing multiple times or something that  I don't particularly like is all. But thank you for your comments, I appreciate them.

EastCoastBride

O.k., well to your moms statement, then, all you had to say was "Of course mom, you can do that!  My registry is just a wish list and if you dont' want to buy off of it, you obviously don't have to.  I'll appreciate anything you give us.". 

You're freaking out over something that really is not going to be this huge issue you think it is.

My experience - most people bought from my registry.  I didn't get a "ton" of any one thing.  I got very few duplicates.  And you want to know what the duplicates were?  Stuff that was ON MY REGISTRY! 

And most people gave me a gift receipt, so whatever I got that I didn't like, I was able to return. 

I feel like you're kind of missing the point of a shower.  Now, don't get me wrong.  As a gift giver, I want to give something that I know the person will want and can use.  So yes, I like registries and I shop off of them all the time.  I think they area great tool.

However, it is not my job or ANYONE ELSES job to stock you up on what you 'need' for your baby.  It's your choice to have a child, no one has to buy anything for you.  On or off your registry!  

So there is no "should" about it. 

 

 

nooniesgal

A registry is a list of things you like...a check list for you.  If people use it great, if they don't then you send them a thank you and thank your lucky stars people spent their hard earned money on a gift.  They might not like your taste.  They might not want to wait to print off a list.  They might not want you to know how much they are spending.  Or perhaps, they have actually had a child and now they adored and loved something & wanted to give you the opportunity to love it too. 

Some of the coolest gifts I got weren't on my registry.  Relax and enjoy your shower or your going to be sitting in your pile of blankets with a sour look on your face. 

nooniesgal

karatechrissy:

My mom called me a spoiled brat. :-( Am I?? If so then I suck, but seriously, I don't want someone thinking they are doing me a favor by buying cute bedding when I've already registred for something else and then I feel like I have to use that said bedding just because they got it for me. I want what I register for!

The fact that you honestly thank people aren't "doing you a favor" buy spending their money on you for ::gasp:: something you didn't click with a registry gun makes you sound very ungrateful and I hope this was just a vent on your part.  They are doing you a favor...a huge favor... by buying you a gift and showing up at your shower.

StellaStellina

Don't worry. ?My mom's a buzz kill too. and she's also my best friend. ?it's not bitchy.

Mama_SAS

B!tchy to think it - no.

B!tchy to disagree with your mom about registries in general - no, not really.

B!tchy to express it to your guests who give you gifts (including your mom once she has bought you a gift) - definitely.

BarbieNCSU

You aren't being btchy - you just know what you want. Unfortunately I am sure that someone on my DH's side of the family will probably give us something ridiculous or horrid - they did this for our wedding - but I will just either return it, give it to good will, or if it is something someone else would appreciate just give it away. The one thing I am making sure to do is only register for things I absolutely want - because sure enough the things you didn't love but only liked will be the items you get. Good Luck and I hope that people do stick with your registry.

lpstl

Here's the deal, as a gift giver the most polite thing you can do is purchase from the registry. As a gift receiver the most polite thing you can do is graciously accept any gift given to you and express how thankful you are, regardless of the gift.

That being said, when my mother told me last night that she went to a carters outlet and bought more 0-3 mo baby clothes that will fit in her trunk, I felt a little twinge because her money could have been much better spent on things we need, instead of things she thinks are cute. But, I thought it, I would never say it.

lovelyRAIN

lpstl:

Here's the deal, as a gift giver the most polite thing you can do is purchase from the registry. As a gift receiver the most polite thing you can do is graciously accept any gift given to you and express how thankful you are, regardless of the gift.

That being said, when my mother told me last night that she went to a carters outlet and bought more 0-3 mo baby clothes that will fit in her trunk, I felt a little twinge because her money could have been much better spent on things we need, instead of things she thinks are cute. But, I thought it, I would never say it.

 

RoxyLynn

As long as this is your first child, there's nothing at all rude about having a registry.

Personally, I never use them.  I figure it's a list of things the PARENTS need to buy.  It's not rude to use or not use a registry, it's simply a matter of choice.  You can not personally select your gifts and treat your friends and family as personal shoppers to do your bidding.

shortstuff15

I don't think it's rude to have a registry, but I don't usually buy from them and because this is our first baby, I don't see the point in making one because we obviously need everything.  And I won't make one for subsequent babies either, because then we don't really need a whole lot.  In fact, the only reason we made a wedding registry was because we had both lived on our own for years, so it made it easier for people to know what we needed.  That is the point of a registry, but when we need everything, I don't see a point.  But that said, I don't think it's rude to have a registry.  Just don't expect people to buy exclusively from it.  People still like to use their creativity in gift purchasing!!!!

DaniLovesPink

A gift is a gift and you should be grateful someone even got you something, especially in this economy.  Older people tend to be turned off by registries, but younger people, and people who don't know you and your tastes well, will appreciate it.  Regardless, whether it's what you've always wanted or something you will never use, you should thank the person who bought it sincerely and don't be snippy because the item didn't meet your precious expectations.  I'm sorry, I side with your mom in this one, you're being an ungrateful brat.

scubaspot

I do find your attitude to be slightly bratty. 

A registry is a wish list of things that you would like or need so in general most people do purchase off of a registry however, I sense a little entitlement.

No one is required or should even be expected to purchase you anything let alone something off the registry. No one is required to stock you up with things for your child and if they choose to spend their money and their time getting you a gift then you should be incredibly thankful because at the end of the day the only person who needs to be getting your LO anything is you. If a person chooses to purchase you a gift then you should be thankful, even if it is the 100th ducky blanket you have received.

It is natural to hope that people purchase off your registry but the way you phrased many things was bratty and reeked of entitlement.

OregonMama

Your attitude really is pretty bratty.  A registry is just a wish list like pp's have said.  While it's nice to have one, not everyone is going to want to shop off of it.  And sometimes, you print out a registry and realize the less expensive stuff has been purchased already and what is left is out of budget, so you go buy something else.  Or maybe you find an outfit at a store the parents didn't register at that you think is adorable and you just know they will love it.  Or you don't like to shop at the store they registered at.

Bottom line, your post sounds bratty.  You sound like you expect people to buy strictly from your registrty and you might as well accept the fact that isn't going to happen.  Just be thankful you are having a shower at all and that you have people who love and care enough about you to show up at your shower bearing gifts.

I think you owe your mother an apology honestly.

BeckyTheEngineer

I went to a shower for a friend where I was literally the ONLY ONE who shopped off the registry.  Don't be surprised if you get very little off a registry, it happens.

hopefulmom

To answer your question..."yes" it is b**ch-y.

You will find that either your family and friends will all buy off your registry or very few will buy off your registry.

At my DD's shower of 60 people I'd say maybe 10 people bought off the registry.  She got 3 bathtubs and didn't register for any!  lol  She just took them all back.  She also got a couple of things she didn't register for and didn't think she'd use/need (although I, her mother, told her she would NEED them).  She took them back.  Of course, because mother knows best, a few months later she had to rebuy them...because she did NEED them.  HA

Hopefully your guests will buy off the registry but if they don't just return things and get what you want.  My DD did get a lot of gift cards so she was able to purchase things she needed.

iheartnutella

As a gift giver, I appreciate registries because I often don't know what someone might want, and I want to know what they will like/use what I give them (otherwise, why am I spending the $?).  As a recipient, I will have a registry because I know people will want to get us gifts but not know what we want/need.  People are often choosy when it comes to baby items, that's why most people register. 

I will appreciate anything anyone gives us though, whether or not it comes from the registry, because it means they took the time to think of and spend their $ on a gift they thought we would enjoy. 

Not worth getting into a tiff with your mom over though, IMO.

happyjc10

karatechrissy:

 I don't want someone to get me something that THEY like and it's something I DON'T like!' we got in a small argument on what's the 'polite' thing to do. Am I wrong or bitchy to think that people should, for the most part, stick with the registry? I don't want 10,0000000 blankets and onsies and none of what I actually NEED. My mom called me a spoiled brat. :-( Am I?? If so then I suck, but seriously, I don't want someone thinking they are doing me a favor by buying cute bedding when I've already registred for something else and then I feel like I have to use that said bedding just because they got it for me. I want what I register for!

I really don't think you're being a brat!  I think registries have a point!

ocho2002

I always buy from the registry because I want to spend my hard earned money on something I know my friend/family member wants/needs. That said, lots of people like to get something else and thats fine too.  Its a gift, not a right.