would this bother you?

GabbysMama

okay so my friend has a super smart husband.  i mean like a genuis.  he is obsessed with how smart his son is/is going to be.  he insisted that said friend eat a certain diet while pregnant and insists on DS eating a certain diet now, just because in one of the 100 books he reads it says that it will make his DS smarter.

my husband is a blue colar worker.  he works hard and makes enough money for me to be a SAHM. are we rich, no. can we afford expensive dinners, no.  i don't have a degree.  i am very smart and have never had problems with learning new things, i just hate school. 

i feel judged by my friends DH and always have.  i feel like he thinks we are dumb because we don't have great jobs and didn't graduate from college. 

when we were visiting DD kept getting books and bringing them to me one by one.  i would make a stack.  it was a game to her.  friends DH's comment "she is going to be a good fax runner when she grows up".

is it me or is that a dig? for what it is worth my child knows about 100 more words and is much futher advanced.  the only reason that it didn't hurt so bad is because of this.  (our kids are 14 days apart)

tarebear9891

I don't know him but his comment sounds very rude. He comes off being kind of arrogant and pompous. He may not have meant anything but I doubt it.

LynnJones

That would bother me especially if he has acted that way in the past.  I hope you said some smart aleck remark to him because I would have. 

auslyn804

Yes.  And it is exactly how my BIL is.  I hate it.  We bought nephew a dumptruck for Christmas(he's 2 1/2).  BIL "jokingly" said "I don't want you buying my son any blue collar toys"  He's also made comments about how I "only have an undergrad degree".  

Tess12

He sounds obnoxious.

JARbaby

Did you mean facts runner? Not a dig, I just don't understand what that means.

ETA: I don't know what a facts runner would be as a profession either, lol. 

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one common trait with "geniuses" is lack of couth so i would just chalk it up to him being a douche.

why do you guys hang out with these people if they make you feel like crap?

furthermore- do you have concrete examples of him talking down to you or is it just your own feeling on it (that they think they are better).  or is it because you secretly feel inadequate for not getting a degree?  (not saying there is a reason to feel inadequate, but maybe YOU feel like you're not good enough, kwim?)

MEJ2008

I can't tell if it is a dig or not, but if it was, what a jerk. I'd rather be dumb than be that arrogant.

inbetweendreams

I had him pegged as a jerk as soon as you said he made his wife eat a certain diet while she was pregnant.

It might be a dig, but I wouldn't lose sleep over it. He sounds obnoxious.

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JARbaby:

Did you mean facts runner? Not a dig, I just don't understand what that means.

fax runners work in really busy corporate offices and they get the faxes from the machine and take them to the people who they are sent to.

emiliemadison

Have you ever noticed that "super smart" people who constantly brag about their intelligence/job/degree tend to be lacking in pretty much every other aspect of life? Yeah, remember that when he's being a douche and it'll remind you that "genius" doesnt always equal better.

Mrs Manners

Sounds like this dude has some major ego issues and insecurities. I feel so sorry for his child having to grow up under that kind of pressure. I would either not hang around with them or totally chalk these things up to being "his issue" and let the comments go.

JARbaby

kristinhart511:

JARbaby:

Did you mean facts runner? Not a dig, I just don't understand what that means.

fax runners work in really busy corporate offices and they get the faxes from the machine and take them to the people who they are sent to.

ShIITe that was a dig. Sorry.

GabbysMama

JARbaby:

Did you mean facts runner? Not a dig, I just don't understand what that means.

me either.  apparently where my friend works (in a huge law office) they have a man who works as a "fax runner".  his job consists of sitting my the fax machine and running faxes to the people they belong to.  yeah, my child is going to be a fax runner.  the more i think about it the more i want to scream.

oh he also said they are waiting for their 2nd baby until #1 can talk because he read it makes children smarter.  well my kid can talk so it's all good here. LOL

ggbean

Girls typically talk sooner and more than boys, so I don't know that you can (or should) compare your childrens' ability or intelligence at this point (or perhaps ever). 

That being said...yeah, I think the 'fax runner' comment was a low blow and incredibly rude.  I know we all want the best for our children, but it's sad when parents put so much pressure on kids to perform or achieve ridiculous standards. 

I hope it doesn't happen for your sake, but the next time he makes a comment like that I would say something to him to let him know that he his being offensive. Whatever you do, don't get dragged down to his level and pit your child against theirs in some sort of competition. It's not healthy for anyone. 

violetvirgo

it sounds like a dig to me. 

violetvirgo

kristinhart511:

JARbaby:

Did you mean facts runner? Not a dig, I just don't understand what that means.

fax runners work in really busy corporate offices and they get the faxes from the machine and take them to the people who they are sent to.

and sometimes they get coffee

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yeah he sounds like a douche i would just stop associating with them.

GabbysMama

kristinhart511:

one common trait with "geniuses" is lack of couth so i would just chalk it up to him being a douche.

why do you guys hang out with these people if they make you feel like crap?

furthermore- do you have concrete examples of him talking down to you or is it just your own feeling on it (that they think they are better).  or is it because you secretly feel inadequate for not getting a degree?  (not saying there is a reason to feel inadequate, but maybe YOU feel like you're not good enough, kwim?)

i have been friends with this girl for 20 years.  she is not like this.  he annoys her.  we don't hang out a lot because we live on the east coast and they live on the west coast. 

you are annoying.  i don't feel inadequate at all.  people chose their paths in life and while my path may be different then someone elses, it is my life and i am happy with it.

i think that her DH has no social skills, which is also very common in people with very high IQs.  i am sure he has no idea what he said could even be considered offensive to someone. 

Parks2Be

Yes, this would have bothered me.  Maybe I am jumping the gun but I took offense to that. 

Jeremy'sMom

kristinhart511:

one common trait with "geniuses" is lack of couth so i would just chalk it up to him being a douche.

This is so true.  BIL has a genius level IQ and is one of the most obnoxious people I know.  As for the OP, my first thought was, "What a diick!"

GabbysMama

ggbean:

Girls typically talk sooner and more than boys, so I don't know that you can (or should) compare your childrens' ability or intelligence at this point (or perhaps ever). 

That being said...yeah, I think the 'fax runner' comment was a low blow and incredibly rude.  I know we all want the best for our children, but it's sad when parents put so much pressure on kids to perform or achieve ridiculous standards. 

I hope it doesn't happen for your sake, but the next time he makes a comment like that I would say something to him to let him know that he his being offensive. Whatever you do, don't get dragged down to his level and pit your child against theirs in some sort of competition. It's not healthy for anyone. 

i do know that it is very typical of girls to talk sooner then boys and i am not one of those moms who thinks "my kid is better then yours" about things.  as long as DD is meeting milestones i am happy.  i get what you mean about making it a competition, it is kind of easy for that to happen when the other person is making it that way.

Parks2Be

AND I should add that I would find it quite ironic when in 18 years his kid is living in a 3rd world country building houses for poor people because his parents put so much pressure on him to be 'smart' that he does what he wants and says peace to college.

GabbysMama

i do want to say that while it did bother me i would never want it to hurt my friendship.  like i said before i really don't think he realized what he said would hurt my feelings or anyone elses for that matter. 

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GabbysMama:

kristinhart511:

one common trait with "geniuses" is lack of couth so i would just chalk it up to him being a douche.

why do you guys hang out with these people if they make you feel like crap?

furthermore- do you have concrete examples of him talking down to you or is it just your own feeling on it (that they think they are better).  or is it because you secretly feel inadequate for not getting a degree?  (not saying there is a reason to feel inadequate, but maybe YOU feel like you're not good enough, kwim?)

i have been friends with this girl for 20 years.  she is not like this.  he annoys her.  we don't hang out a lot because we live on the east coast and they live on the west coast. 

you are annoying.  i don't feel inadequate at all.  people chose their paths in life and while my path may be different then someone elses, it is my life and i am happy with it.

i think that her DH has no social skills, which is also very common in people with very high IQs.  i am sure he has no idea what he said could even be considered offensive to someone. 

i am annoying?  why?

ok i wasn't saying that you should feel inadequate.  if you hate school, you hate school, hey that's totally your decision.  it just made me wonder bc if the school thing was a non issue why you would bring it up

and fwiw, some of my friends who DO NOT have degrees DO feel inadequate when they hang out with some of my other friends who have graduate degrees or doctorate degrees. so, i was just speaking from my own person experience.

GabbysMama

Parks2Be:

AND I should add that I would find it quite ironic when in 18 years his kid is living in a 3rd world country building houses for poor people because his parents put so much pressure on him to be 'smart' that he does what he wants and says peace to college.

i think that happens a lot.  i know everyone wants the best for their child but pressure doesn't work and i know that from experience.  your child is going to grow up and do what they want. i feel that adding pressure does nothing more then to push them to rebel. 

racegirl723

It sounds like a dig to me, but it sounds to me like par for the course with this guy.  Based on what you've posted so far, I am guessing that this guy's kids are going HATE him and will probably rebel terribly.  He sounds like a control freak and a total a$$hat.  For someone so smart, you would think he would know that there are a lot of brilliant and very successful people out there who never went to or finished college.  Bill Gates comes to mind.

I would blow off his comment, but if he says something more direct to you I would be tempted to have a smart response or confront the issue with him.

femmeftle9

Oh I would have been HOT over that remark!!!

Disneygeek77

What an assy thing to say.  It sounds like book smarts night be his only redeeming quality. 

If I were you I wouldn't push away this friendship but I wouldn't try too hard either. 

Ciconrad

Given the history and his general attitude, he was probably being rude.  You may also be uber-sensitive as well because you believe he looks down on you. 

The comment by itself isn't that bad. If one of my friends said that about my son, I would laugh and wouldn't think much of it because there is no past history of them acting superior to me.  One of DH's friends watched Joseph chug his sippy and was like "Wow, he's gonna make a great frat boy".  We thought it was funny.

GabbysMama

kristinhart511:

GabbysMama:

kristinhart511:

one common trait with "geniuses" is lack of couth so i would just chalk it up to him being a douche.

why do you guys hang out with these people if they make you feel like crap?

furthermore- do you have concrete examples of him talking down to you or is it just your own feeling on it (that they think they are better).  or is it because you secretly feel inadequate for not getting a degree?  (not saying there is a reason to feel inadequate, but maybe YOU feel like you're not good enough, kwim?)

i have been friends with this girl for 20 years.  she is not like this.  he annoys her.  we don't hang out a lot because we live on the east coast and they live on the west coast. 

you are annoying.  i don't feel inadequate at all.  people chose their paths in life and while my path may be different then someone elses, it is my life and i am happy with it.

i think that her DH has no social skills, which is also very common in people with very high IQs.  i am sure he has no idea what he said could even be considered offensive to someone. 

i am annoying?  why?

ok i wasn't saying that you should feel inadequate.  if you hate school, you hate school, hey that's totally your decision.  it just made me wonder bc if the school thing was a non issue why you would bring it up

and fwiw, some of my friends who DO NOT have degrees DO feel inadequate when they hang out with some of my other friends who have graduate degrees or doctorate degrees. so, i was just speaking from my own person experience.

i think it was the furthermore part of the comment that got to me.  it just annoys me that people feel the need to judge people on the education they have.  not all people without degrees are stupid, some of them just make stupid decisions and i am one of those people.  i don't feel inadequate around anyone else for this reason, only this guy.  i think it is mostly because i know how obsessed he is with it. 

i am sorry for calling you annoying.

MegGary

hmmm not sure if it was a dig or the 1st thing that came to mind when he saw her doing that.

DD likes to move the furniture around in our house. I call her my little Uhaul baby. Do I want her to be a furniture mover? Probably not but I'm not trying to belittle her either. Just what comes to mind when I see her moving furniture.

I think if he was as smart as he thinks he is he should of given her a better career though. Maybe Librarian.

All in all he sounds like a big fat douchebag. 

 

the_mulva

In my opinion, you sound completely insecure.  I don't think that has anything to do w/ your friends.  I think the comment was harmless, but more to you b/c of your insecurities. 

If you truly are being judged, this is your fault for continuing to remain friends w/ people who you felt have been judging you for a long time.

People can only make you feel how you allow them to make you feel. 

 

GabbysMama

Ciconrad:

Given the history and his general attitude, he was probably being rude.  You may also be uber-sensitive as well because you believe he looks down on you. 

The comment by itself isn't that bad. If one of my friends said that about my son, I would laugh and wouldn't think much of it because there is no past history of them acting superior to me.  One of DH's friends watched Joseph chug his sippy and was like "Wow, he's gonna make a great frat boy".  We thought it was funny.

this is the reason that i feel stupid for being bothered.  that comment would not bother me.  i think the reason what he said bothered me is because his dream in life is for his son to be some super genius and i am sure if someone referred to his son as a "fax runner" it would really upset him. 

GabbysMama

the_mulva:

In my opinion, you sound completely insecure.  I don't think that has anything to do w/ your friends.  I think the comment was harmless, but more to you b/c of your insecurities. 

If you truly are being judged, this is your fault for continuing to remain friends w/ people who you felt have been judging you for a long time.

People can only make you feel how you allow them to make you feel. 

 

i don't agree but thank you for your opinion.  i do wish i would have finished my schooling, but i didn't. 

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GabbysMama:

kristinhart511:

GabbysMama:

kristinhart511:

one common trait with "geniuses" is lack of couth so i would just chalk it up to him being a douche.

why do you guys hang out with these people if they make you feel like crap?

furthermore- do you have concrete examples of him talking down to you or is it just your own feeling on it (that they think they are better).  or is it because you secretly feel inadequate for not getting a degree?  (not saying there is a reason to feel inadequate, but maybe YOU feel like you're not good enough, kwim?)

i have been friends with this girl for 20 years.  she is not like this.  he annoys her.  we don't hang out a lot because we live on the east coast and they live on the west coast. 

you are annoying.  i don't feel inadequate at all.  people chose their paths in life and while my path may be different then someone elses, it is my life and i am happy with it.

i think that her DH has no social skills, which is also very common in people with very high IQs.  i am sure he has no idea what he said could even be considered offensive to someone. 

i am annoying?  why?

ok i wasn't saying that you should feel inadequate.  if you hate school, you hate school, hey that's totally your decision.  it just made me wonder bc if the school thing was a non issue why you would bring it up

and fwiw, some of my friends who DO NOT have degrees DO feel inadequate when they hang out with some of my other friends who have graduate degrees or doctorate degrees. so, i was just speaking from my own person experience.

i think it was the furthermore part of the comment that got to me.  it just annoys me that people feel the need to judge people on the education they have.  not all people without degrees are stupid, some of them just make stupid decisions and i am one of those people.  i don't feel inadequate around anyone else for this reason, only this guy.  i think it is mostly because i know how obsessed he is with it. 

i am sorry for calling you annoying.

its ok.  and i don't judge people who don't go to school. 

i think this guy is majorly douchey.  someday he will get what's coming.  he'll make a rude comment to someone that gets him into hot water... or beat up lol.

LaLaSweets

LynnJones:

That would bother me especially if he has acted that way in the past.  I hope you said some smart aleck remark to him because I would have. 

I would have also. What a jerk. I would hate to be married to him and put up with his pompous assss

LuckySunshineBaby

9 times out of 10 people like this make comments because they are insecure about something.  Honestly, he probably didn't mean anything, but if you feel judged by him, he might be.  I just would engage in any of it.  I have a very similar friend situation, but I mostly feel judged because they think we live a "cute, tiny kid sized doll house" or how he's sure we can't wait until I go back to work so I can afford "2 new cars" and such. 

My thing is that it does totally bother me when I'm around him, but otherwise he's a good guy.  I try to make myself "be the bigger person".

total ps...DH says it's because the guy is insecure about his, ummm, size which is now all I can totally think of when this guy pisses me off.  He probably thinks I'm nuts because I always have the giggles.

J+O

If you truly think he judges you, why do you hang around him?  Or is it just a feeling in your mind that he might be judging you?  It sounds like he was just trying to make a joke.  

I mean, last night my SIL's child was running around naked and I said he was going to be a flasher, lol. 

LondonBridges

He sounds like a d!ck, and that was a very rude comment.  He might be smart, but it sounds like he has zero people skills.

exhausted_bride

Are you kidding? OF COURSE it was a dig. Absolutely no question about it.

And trust me, I would have told him exactly what I thought of him.

I also agree with the pp who stated not to make it a competition between your kids. I honestly do feel sorry for this child and the environment he's going to grow up in.