Hi everyone,
Warning in advance that this is a sad post, but I want all my Bump friends to know what has happened. I never thought I would be the one writing a post like this.
You may remember that about two weeks ago (at 21 weeks) I posted about swelling I was experiencing. Well, I had to go to the doctor's office over lunch anyway, so I asked them to check my blood pressure, just in case. It was 178/120 (yikes). I was immediately told to lie down, and call my husband for a ride to the hospital.
Once in the hospital, I was given IV meds to prevent seizure, and blood pressure meds. The doctors did many lab tests over the next several days to rule out other problems, and then diagnosed me with severe early-onset pre-eclampsia. I wasn't feeling that bad, considering, but my labs showed otherwise. I had 10 GRAMS of protein in my urine (anything over 300 mg is considered a lot). The docs explained that I was very sick, and my siutation could become life-threatening at any time, with little warning.
DH and I were faced with the very difficult reality that our babies were not going to make it. My pre-e would have to hold steady and be managed for at least another 2 weeks to give them any chance of survival whatsoever. The risks to my health/life during that time far outweighed the benefits to the babies. Basically, if we waited any longer the risks to my life only would go up, while the outcome would probably not change for the babies. On top of it all, one of our boys was a few weeks behind in size. After hearing all of the risks/numbers/facts, and lots and lots (and LOTS) of tears and anguish, we made the difficult choice (not really a choice at all) to deliver the babies.
Asher Love and Evan Love were born early on Wednesday, December 16th. The delivery was somewhat dramatic, but overall not as bad as I feared it would be. Both boys lived for only a few moments, but we cherish every second we had with them. A kind photographer came and took a few pictures, and our parents and pastor were there to surround and support us.
Words cannot express the emotions I am going through right now. I know each day will get better, but I miss my sons so deeply. We are very blessed to have tons of support from family, friends, and church. The whole thing feels so surreal, and I honsetly don't know how I'm still standing,. The only thing getting us through is the hope we have in Jesus, and that we will will see our boys again someday. I have to imagine that He took them to save them from far worse pain in life. I know His strength is carrying me through, because I feel so weak.
My pre-e symptoms immediately began to clear up after the delivery, it really was incredible. Only as I recover am I realizing how bad I actually felt. This is confirmation that we did what we had to do.
If you're still reading at this point, thank you, and thanks for your prayers and thoughts at this time. I would not wish this experience on anyone, but my thoughts are with anyone else who has experienced a loss.
I will probably be signing off of The Bump for a while, except for maybe the Loss board, but wanted to let you all know how much I have appreciated your support and advice during my pregnancy. I hope to be back sooner than later, once life gets back to normal. Thanks again for reading, I really appreciate it.
Becky
Re: XP from Multiples: we lost our twin boys (long)
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
Wow, I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how hearbreaking that would be. Be strong in your faith and may you have the peace that passes all understanding.
T&P to you and your family.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thought & Prayer for you, your husband & family.?
I am so sorry!
I'm so sad and sorry for your loss, and am glad to hear you have a wonderful support network to provide you with healing and strength.
Becky,
I am so sorry that you have to got through this. You seem like a very strong woman. Your little boys are in heaven hun and they will be your and your husbands little guardian angels. Good luck in the future and take care of yourself.
TTC #1 since 2007. Dx: Unexplained infertility. 4 IUIs in 2008 = BFN. IVF #1 07/09. DD #1 born April 2010 (40w5d).
TTC #2 since 2011. Dx: Endometriosis and hypothyroidism. 2 FETs in 2012, BFP 6/12 but m/c @ 7 weeks. IVF #2 06/13. DD #2 born March 2014 (40w1d).
Becky- So so so sorry about your losses! There are no words. I'm sure Asher and Evan felt how much they were loved, and I wish it could be different so that they were still here with you now. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts & prayers!!