::::QE::::

joyfulnature

Big hugs to you this morning.

I'm so sorry it didn't work out this time. 

QE2

Thanks, Joy ?It was a rough night. I'm okay with me being sad, but I saw my husband cry about our IF for the first time, and it broke my heart. We both blame ourselves for the situation we're in, and we fear what our future may bring...he's ready to try DE/adoption, I don't think I'll ever be ready for that. He told me that marrying him was a mistake, and had I met someone else that was ready for children back then, I wouldn't be in this situation. We have lots of healing to do, thanks for checking in on me.

joyfulnature

The blame game is so hard.

I've told my DH that I'd rather not have/raise children with him than have them with someone else.

I tell myself that it would not have been fair to a child to TTC before I was absolutely certain.

These things help, but it is still hard.

You two will find your way through this. There may be other options from your RE. And you WILL heal, no matter what. And when that takes place, things may look different to one or both of you regarding adoption, DE or living as a twosome.

My favorite aunt and uncle, who are also my godparents, were not able to have biological children. She knew when she married him that chances were high, because of an ailment he had as a child, that he would be  unfertile.  

They tried with no luck. I'm not sure if they ever pondered adoption or not. They have one of the best marriages I know of, are obviously happy, and will talk about how lucky they have been in life.  They have told me that their one disappointment in life was that they were unable to have children - it's not like they just forgot about all that. But even so, they are very, very happy.

(((more hugs)))

joyfulnature

PS: Just to clarify: by the inclusion of my Aunt and Uncle story, I'm not saying you won't have a bio child. You very well may!  I just included it as an example I know of a couple who got past infertility, in their own way, and have a very, very happy life.

They have been married for about 60 years!

QE2

Thanks for your kind thoughts, Joy. You always have a way with words. I told DH that marrying him was the best thing that has happened to me, everything else is just a bonus, and I'd rather spend the rest of my life with him without children than be a mom with someone else. I know we will work our way through this, it just takes time. Thanks again