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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
MIL gives DD enema part 2
Last night DH called MIL and told her that we are emphatically against enema's. He was present when she took the liberty to give DD an enema...so I was really more mad at him than her. But it was clearly her idea...and he trusts his mommy.
When he got off the phone with her he was visibly angry with me. He told me today that he doesn't like when his mom is upset. Obviously....so I basically flipped out. After keeping my cool for 3 days, I lost it. To my knowledge the inlaws have no idea how angry I am. I used every fiber of my being to stay calm and reasonable.
Today he stopped over their house and MIL is trying to get him mad at me. She said, "well maybe we can just meet up at the park and I can watch your daughter swing on a swing without touching her."
She said she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around me and that she's afraid I won't let her see the baby while he's deployed. I would never do that...but she sure as hell won't be babysitting.
So I guess I need to confront her...right?
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Re: MIL gives DD enema part 2
I don't know the whole situation but your H needs to grow up IMO. He would rather do something that is against your parenting beliefs or parenting decisions than have his "mommy" be upset with him? Seriously?
I don't know that you need to confront MIL, but I would definitely call her up and see if you could meet for lunch. Then discuss with her that you appreciate her trying to help but that you don't appreciate her going against your parenting decisions/beliefs. Yadda, yadda.
I'm just baffled that your H would allow something to happen that he/you didn't agree with to your child because he has mommy issues.
NO! You do NOT need to comfort her. She is a grown woman. She'll be comforted by her husband or friends. She needs to understand how serious you are and how violating that was - your husband too.
I wonder how your husband would feel if that were done to him. What about if you had a male child and it was done to them (men can be so touchy about the bum...). I feel like he really needs to understand the grave danger of that activity and the way it is violating both physically and emotionally.
Your MIL can see your DD, obviously, but she and your husband need to know she is NEVER to touch her like that again. While he might not like it when his mom is upset he should like it even less when you and your daughter (you're doing it on her behalf) are upset. It's part of being married and growing up - putting your wife and family first.
haha pivey.. I love your passion! She said confront, though.. not comfort. LOL
She said confront. I read it as comfort at first, too. LOL
There is only one person who can solve IL problems, and that's the child of those parents. Your DH needs to realize there is a problem with his parents, not you. He needs to lay down the law on what is okay and not okay to his parents, and if his parents cannot respect that, then their time with their grandchildren will be limited or taken away.
He should in no way be angry at you, as you have done nothing wrong.
Don't talk to you MIL, talk to your DH.
I would lose my mind trying to keep from choking the crap outta her. I would be so upset. I have had the IL make rude little comments when I refused to let them give my 2 month old a "taste" of soda... They make it seem like I am saying they don't know what they are doing.
An enema is way above and beyond anything you should ever do with out consulting the person who birthed the child. MIL needs to grow up and realize she jacked up.
Ok you already know what MIL did was unacceptable. So you've been forewarned now and you know never to leave her alone with MIL again. Sure they can visit and such, but no more babysitting or hanging out unless you are there too.
DH experienced a serious lapse of judgment in letting this happen. Yes this is his mother and he thinks she walks on water apparently, but hopefully you can get your DH to hear your pedi's side and hear about how odd (and potentially dangerous) it was to do that.
As for the lingering anger or irritability on all sides:
1) MIL can be angry. Who cares? Don't let it get to you.
2) DH can feel uncomfortable being between his MIL and wife. Fine. But tell him he needs to get over his anger towards you. You aren't the one who put everyone in this situation. You are dealing with it like a sane, rational mother would. He is the one who is letting his mother get the best of his emotions. He needs to move on and learn from this situation. Stand your ground, but move on too.
I don't think you need to confront her, but you do need to clear the air. You should visit her with your husband present and explain why you are upset.
You MIL sounds completely out of touch. I read the original post. I mean, who even thinks to give an enema? Who thinks that up and then thinks, "wow, what a good idea"? And your husband needs a serious reality check too. Why he stood there and said, "yeah, go ahead mom, give my daughter an enema for no good reason" is beyond me. The man seems to be lacking some common sense.
Your MIL feelings are not relevant in this matter. She crossed the line, big time. Grandma's spoil their grandkids, they don't poke things in their bums.
I'm getting pretty upset as I think about the whole event.
Good luck with all of that. Your MIL should be walking on eggshells. She should be ashamed of herself, frankly.
I totally wish I could pass her off to you!