Love & Logic

KimberJEB

What do y'all think of this book?  I read L&L for early childhood tonight, and...I'm thinking it through.  I'm reading Playful Parenting next.

 I like the idea of logical consequences & of having the old enough child come up with consequences.  I like the idea of lots of choices and filling the tank (or bank or whatever).  I like that he talks about knowing and paying attention to your child.  And I Iike the not giving 47,000 warnings concept.

I don't like the idea of putting a (in the example) 16 month old in his bedroom alone until he calms down/behaves (up to or more than an hour).  I KNOW Jack would become hysterical if I even attempted that.   In fact, I don't really like the "your bedroom = punishment" aspect AT ALL at this age.

 I don't know.  Some of it seems pretty AP.  Other parts, not so much.  Have y'all read it/implemented it?  What do you think?

cindy453

I read an earlier version of the book that I checked out from the library, and I understand that this has been removed now. BUT the version I read advocated spanking for children under 3, because they couldn't understand the consequences any other way. And, it suggested multiple spankings. If the toddler was throwing a fit, you were to say, "Stop crying or you will get a spanking" and repeat until they stopped. To help them understand consequences, or something. It completely turned me off L&L.

Also, I'm sorry, but some of the consequences aren't logical. For example... food. Say a toddler doesn't want to eat their food, and the parent decides the logical consequence is no dessert. That's not how it really works- an adult can not eat dinner and only eat dessert. It doesn't make sense in the real world.

KimberJEB

In this book they spoke against spanking, so that was totally taken out.

And the part on food was basically, you have a limited time to eat, and then it's gone.  No more until next time.  I don't know how I feel about that.

I actually do see the logic for spanking under 3 (more than over 3, in some ways).  It's kind of an animal-behavior.  Mares nip foals when they misbehave, etc.  I don't agree w/ it but I get the logic. But...my main reason for not spanking (especially now, but even later!) is that I can't look at my perfect boy, who has so much faith and trust in the world, and only knows goodness, and hurt him.  For any reason.  It seems like such a betrayal.  Or something.  A loss of innocence. 

Meg&Jesse

I actually like Love and Logic.  Yes, there are parts I don't agree with like you stated.  Honestly, at this point the whole "time out" thing is quite funny to me....DS would not sit in the same spot, nor understand what the point is.  Although, removing him for a situation I agree with. 

Anyways, I really like the part about giving choices.  I try to do this as much as possible with DS.  The thing I like about is that I feel like I am actually "talking" with DS and not saying no all the time (because all I would be doing is saying no all. day. long.)  I also feel that things are already overwhelming for a little toddler, so to narrow his choices makes his life easier and less frustrating.  The other part I like about this is that it keeps me calm, for example instead of sceaming no at DS I can just state in a calm voice choices he does have. 

I am still trying to work all the techniques in and find a way they work for our family.  What I have been doing is taking things here and there from various books and just coming up with my own plan!

LittleEgypt

cindy453:

Also, I'm sorry, but some of the consequences aren't logical. For example... food. Say a toddler doesn't want to eat their food, and the parent decides the logical consequence is no dessert. That's not how it really works- an adult can not eat dinner and only eat dessert. It doesn't make sense in the real world.

If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat???

Sorry I had a beer and I can't help myself

Sally J

Some of it I liked, some of it I didn't.  I liked showing empathy, giving choices, the removal from the activity, logical consequences (hit with a toy, take the toy) and no multiple warnings.  All of those make sense and feel natural.

I absolutely despised the advice on locking my child in their room (for up to an hour!) until they calm down for misbehavior.  Just not reasonable at all.  I also highly disagree with the time limit to eat and then withholding food until the next meal.  My daughter shovels food in, but my son takes FOREVER to eat so this wouldn't work.  Not to mention they do much better when their blood sugar stays level, so withholding food is a terrible idea IMO.  The other item I disagree with is walking away from the child during tantrums in public places.  I just think that is a terrible idea.  These suggestions feel very unnatural to me and therefore not AP.

The items I'm not sure about since they don't apply to my children yet:  payment for bad behavior (i.e. using toys to pay for a babysitter since the kids couldn't behave to go with the parents), and using chores as a punishment (energy drain concept).

scherza

I like L&L, but like anything else, I think you take the parts that work and make sense for you and your family and leave the rest.  I first encountered L&L as a classroom management strategy and it works like a dream on teenagers!

I also liked, and thought L&L blended well with, The Happiest Toddler on the Block.