Lost and scared — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Lost and scared

I am new to this and I am not sure how to do this. Since July of last year I have had 2 miscarriages and lost a set of twins; Alexis Louise and Izabella Lynne at 23 weeks in April. I was laid off of the job I had been at for 4 years at the beginning of August. The same time my husband left me for a woman that he works with.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if all purpose in my life is gone. The family that I fought to make for myself is gone. I am the only remaining member. My husband was here the other day and saw a frame that I had hung that had pictures of the twins in it. He got mad and said that he thought it was depressing to hang in my bedroom and that he doesn't think it is helping me. I just completely broke down and told him that my family is gone and I have no one left. I needed to see them everyday. I need to know that a part of them is still with me. They will have been gone 6 months on the 13th, and I still wake up thinking that I can hear them crying. I still roll over and look for him in my bed.

I have always been to type of person to bottle my problems and as long as I didn't let them out than I wouldn't have to deal with them. I am hoping that by talking to people that can share some of my pain it may help. Please let me know if you have anything that you ladies have done that helps make you feel better. If nothing else I appreciate all of you being here for me and one another.

Re: Lost and scared

  • I am soooo sorry for all you've lost, and the pain in your heart.

    There's no magic cure, or I'd sell it and make my fortune. For me, only time has helped. And booze ;-)   Maybe set some attainable goals, just slightly out of reach, and go for it... I don't know.

    But this is a VERY supportive place and hopefully you'll find yourself at least feeling like you can relate to others.

    (ps - not sure how much you've lurked around here, but some of us do have kids, even though we've also had losses. So there's some piks in siggies around here. Hope you don't mind.)

     

    Join us - Commit Random Acts of Kindness, and say "I did it for Cricket" Cricket's Cadence
  • Thank you for your words of kindness. I have lurked a bit and I don't mind the pictures. I am glad so see that there are people out there that still love and miss the children they have lost even though they have children to love and care for in the flesh. People keep telling me not to give up hope and to just get pregnant again, like if I had a baby I wouldn't miss the children I have lost.

    I know that everyone wants to be the one to say that one thing that *bang* makes all the pain go away. One thing that I really appreciate about reading what all of you have written is that you too understand that there is no words, in any language that will ever make it ok again. I know that that may sound depressing, but I need to be around people that won't try to force feed each other false hope. We all understand that the only thing that will ever make it better is sadly time and a strong support system. 

     I think that the main reason for my recent emotional relapse is that I sit alone everyday with no where to go and nothing to do. It has been helpful to read that I am not alone. And finally have people to communicate with that I don't have to hide how I am really feeling. I know that I don't know any of you and I know that I haven't really even talked to any of you, but I will always love each and everyone of you for welcoming me into a place that I don't have to hide the sadness of my lost children.

    THANK YOU ALL!!!

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  • I'm so sorry for all that you've been through.  No one should have to deal with all that, or really any of those things.  But, when all those things happen at once, it is awful.

    We are all here for you, and you are not alone.  Never think that. 

    I don't know why God does the things he does.  I struggle with this alot, but the only thing that I can keep telling myself is that there is a reason for all of the maddness.  I don't know what it is now, but hopefully in time I will know the reason why he took my babies from me.  There is a bigger plan...even though it is hard to see. 

     I think you should continue to talk to ppl here, but I would also suggest talking to a professional.  The only reason why I say it, is because you've had to deal with a series of things that most people would not have to deal with all at once.  Each are incredibly hard on an individual level...with all of them, I just think it would really be helpful for you to talk it out with someone who can help you reflect better.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers -

    Alison

    TTC # 1 Since 6/08, Dx PCOS/Annovulary 9/08, Multiple infertility treatments, 4 ovulations with 3 m/c, 6th rd. 200mg clomid with dex = BFP beta 11/23 = 218! at 14 dpo, beta #2 11/25 = 577!! at 16 dpo
    beta #3 11/27 = 1656!!! at 18dpo,1st u/s 12/8 at 6w1d = HB 118!!!!
    2nd u/s 12/21 at 8w = HB 170!!!!!Matthew born 7/27/10! TTC#2 8/12 more clomid and dex, 3rd rd 200mg clomid with dex 10/4 = BFP but lost heartbeat at 9w2d, D&E 12/12/12
    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2qi731x.jpg[/IMG]


    <a href="http://theinfertilitydiaries3.blogspot.com/">The Infertility Diaries</a>
  • Honey, I am so sorry for your loss and so grateful that you found thebump. The ladies on this board are just amazing! I lost my daughter 7 weeks ago @ almost 24weeks. I understand the yearning you have and the pain you experience. I am so sorry to hear the decisions your husband has made.

    I think that if you need to hang the babies pics - then you should. I don't know about you- but I will take anything that helps me heal. To this day, I still sleep w/ Haleigh's blanket. It is my way of keeping close to her.

    There has been a couple things that I have done that have helped me through this process as fresh the wound might be.

    I am on Zoloft and I think it really does help. Perhaps you can something Rx'd for you? I never thought I would be on such a med- but, I am so grateful that I am.

    Thebump has been just amazing for me. I don't know what I would do without it. This is like my own private counseling site- I just love it. I hope you continue to join us. This really is a safe haven- feel free to express your emotions... really all of them!

    I tried counseling.... I tried in that- I went once. I am sure I would have ultimately benefited from going more than once- but, I wasn't happy w/ the counselor- so I quit. I am thinking of going to a support group. My situation is a bit different and I am really affraid of the ladies judging me.... so perhaps one day- just not today.

    Also, working out has been great for me. I have a lot of anger boiling inside of me since my lost. I would strong recommend it.

    I am so sorry you are going through this! big (((hugs)))

     

  • Thank you all again for your support, you too are in my prayers.

    Bare with me, I have always felt that if I expressed my feelings I will be seen as a whiner who is looking for attention so I have a hard time expressing how I really feel.

    I am afraid to express my anger with my husband 9don't know what else to call him) cause I am afraid that he would cut off all communication and he won't be in my life at all. Even after all he has done to me and all the bad things he has said in regards to the girls i can't stop being in love with him. 

    Sometimes I feel like I think about the girls so I don't have to think about him and visa versa.  It feels like no matter what I look at, what songs I listen to, movies I watch and people I surround myself with it all reminds me of the fact that my family is gone. I can't even look at the carpet in my home without picturing a blanket laid out with the girls on it doing tummy time.

    i know that you all are having the same hard time. i want you all to know that I am always willing to talk. I know all to well what it is like to have these feelings and having no one you can talk to about them.

  • I'm so sorry for all that you've been dealing with but I'm so glad you have found this board.  There is not a more supportive place out there for when the world gets too tough, no one understands, or you've just seen one pregnant woman too many.  You have so much on your plate right now, it's unbelievable.  ((hugs)) to you.
    image
  • I think that you just cannot see the future at this point.  I think if God told you that there was a better guy for you who would stand by you even through miscarriages and just remain loyal to you, this would be an easier decision for you.  

    I first moved to Portland, Oregon when I was almost 25 years old.  I got really connected through different churches.  I called up and tried to find out if there were singles groups.  I have been to Sunset Presbryterian Church and Our Place Church (more Hillsboro). 

    As well, there is meetup.com.  Just getting out with other people is good thing to do. 

    When you are ready to date again and you know for sure that your marriage is over and that you will be getting a divorce, I have found that Match.com and www.christiancafe.com is a good place to meet other people.   

    It took a couple of relationships before I met my husband, and I actually moved to Seattle from Portland in 2002 after I went through a period where my job was not really working out as well I had gone through a dry spell of relationships.  Sometimes a change either where you live or even the people that you are hanging out can help. 

     

    imageimageLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image BFP on 07/18/08. Miscarriage 07/30/08. BFP 3/25/09. Confirmed second miscarriage, no heartbeat, no growth beyond 7 weeks, 5/19/09. TTC again, on baby aspirin, due to value of 23 on Anticardiolipin Antibodies. BFP 11/15/09. Brown spotting, Beta 3735 11/25/09, Beta 5602 11/28/09. Anticardiolipin Antibodies now negative, still on baby asprin. On 100 mg of Prometrium (progesterone) until 10 weeks. Good heartbeat at 1st appt. 12/16/09. Started taking fish oil. Perigestational hemorrhage and red bleeding 12/17/09. 2nd Ultrasound-8 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/17/09. Baby measured 9 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/23/09. Good NT Scan on 1/8/10, heartbeat 164. EDD 7/28/10. TEAM BLUE! Aidan Thomas born on May 26, 2010. Baby #2, BFP 11/27/11, EDD 6/5/12. TEAM PINK! Noelle Elizabeth born 4/30/12. Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God.
  • Thank you for your support and advice. When I get to the point that I stop feeling like an idiot for being completely head over heels in love with my husband I will check some of those places out.

    Anyone have advice on how to get passed a husband loss?

  • Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life--like a pastor or a counselor?  Talking on here is great, but having some real life support helps the process tremendously.
    image image
  • I don't have anyone in real life to talk to. There is a local support group that my husband and I were going to start attending when he felt ready. But then he left and I will have to go it alone. To be perfectly honest the thought of tackling something so huge alone seems so intimidating and frightening to me. I know that these are people that have faced at least some of the same loss but the thought of having to heal and say goodbye to our children without him breaks my heart all over again.

    I really don't know how to do this. Does anyone have any ideas on how to tackle this seemingly impossible task?

  • I am praying for you. You aren't alone. God is always listening and is always there for you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Jeremiah 29:11 is for you and encourages me. I hope it does for you too.
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