nbr: has anyone else here lost a parent?

prazenjc

my father passed away almost 2 weeks ago and it has been really hard to realize that he and my baby won't get to know each other in this lifetime. i had a great relationship w/my father and miss him dearly separate from that. but, combined w/all the work we went thru to get pg (2 surgeries, IVF), i feel cheated that my baby doesn't get to experience my dad as a grandfather. it was really hard to see all the pix of him w/grandbabies on the photo memory boards we put together for the service/luncheon. they were so tender and sweet. i know he was so supportive of my pregnancy and asked all the time when i called to check on him in the hospital (he lives 2-3 states away), how i was doing/how the baby was doing. i know he didn't want to die. i'm the last one in my family to have kids (my younger sister that is childless has no intention of getting pg), and there are 11 grandchildren in my family already. i really do feel like i don't get to have something that i wanted to badly and it isn't fair.

it just hurts...

i thought that w/this board being more focused on older mothers, some of you might more directly relate to me.

thanks...

kberlyab

I am so sorry. This is so hard.

I know this isn't quite the same, but my dad passed away when I was 4. I think about all the time how my niece and nephew, and now my baby will never be able to meet him. I can relate on that level.

Think of all the other cousins who will be able to tell your LO about grandpa. I know it's not the same, but maybe there's a little something there...

Again I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Your LO will have lots of stories of him. 

MrsKario

I am so sorry for your loss.  That sounds so hard.   Please try to take comfort in the fact that you and your dad had a great relationship and he must have been so over the moon happy that you were able to get preg.  That must have given him a lot of peace at the end. 
I know it isnt the same but Im sure that you will find some way to have your L/O "know" his grandpa through pics, stories, etc.    I am really sorry    
Sending hugs.

livvielo

I'm so sorry about your dad. It *is* hard.

I'm not in quite the same situation, but my mom has multiple sclerosis and it's progressing so much that her cognitive abilities are getting weaker and weaker. She doesn't remember my married last name or what I do for a living, and when I talk to her on the phone I don't feel like I'm really talking to my mom. It makes me sad that she can't really participate in my pregnancy (I do try to involve her, of course) and that, like you, my daughter won't be able to experience her as a grandmother. I'm an only child, and so in some ways I feel like I cheated *her* too by having a child so late, not when she was still mobile and cognizant and herself.

It's really hard, and again, I'm so sorry about your dad. Big hugs to you. 

Peppernut

I am so sorry for your loss!

I lost my father at 26.  It was really hard, and even 15 years later it hurts to know he won't know this grandchild.  My mom is now 84, and chances are the baby won't get to know her for very long.  It's an awful feeling, but I have made sure to have images and reminders of all the family around, and I hope to share my memories and stories about them as she gets older.

Again, I am so sorry, that's a hard thing to go through.

carladillon

My condolences on the loss of your father.....

My mother passed away unexpectedly 3 years ago this past May at the age of 65.  I was very close with her, and starting a family of my own was a lifelong dream.  This is my first child, and not having her here while I experience this for the first time has been very difficult for me.  I was so happy when we found out we were having a girl so that we could name our daughter after her (her middle name, anyway).  My DH and I met after she passed too - so while I know she always worried about me finding Mr. Right, she never got to see me at my happiest or see my belly grow.  I get very sad about it and completely understand how you are feeling.

Part of what has helped me is knowing how blessed I was to have such an amazing role model in parenting.  My daughter will know my mom, just in a different way.  Please give yourself time and permission to grieve and be patient with yourself.  You will always miss him, but I PROMISE you it gets better.....<HUGS>

Carla 

onemorelittleone

I am not in your situation with the loss of a parent, but my sister was killed 15 years ago.  She only got to meet my daughter (she was two at the time).  I can't help but wonder what my sister would be like with her nieces and nephews and I do feel very cheated that I am missing out on her relationship, and my kids are.

The only thing that seems to give me some comfort is that I believe long before I ever get my hands on my children, my sister had them first.  That my babies were held by her, long before they were held by me.  I think it's the same with your Dad.  

I am so sorry for your loss.  He is with you and always will be.  Carry him in your heart, and he will never leave.   

 

ShannonLK

I am so sorry for your loss and I know it is so hard for you. 

My mom passed away almost 8 years ago and the thought of her not meeting this baby is so sad.  She had such a great relationship with my boys and it's so hard knowing she won't be a part of this baby's life.

We just have to make sure to keep our parents memory alive for our babies. 

Take care and let us know if there is anything we can do.

 

Sunsh1ne

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Yes, I can relate.  My parents are both gone.  It doesn't exactly help that dh's mother is challenging.  She was here two weeks ago and over dinner (on our anniversary, nonetheless) thought it was appropriate to tell the story of a pregant family friend who had a brain aneurysm and had to be kept alive on life support to deliver the baby.  My mother died of a brain aneurysm.

I miss my parents, but especially my mother, a lot these days.  But as another lady on here wrote to me recently, remember that your dad is here with you and your baby and will be here to share in all of those special moments.  Not in body, but absolutely in spirit.

cheekyali

Hi- I am so sorry that you lost your Dad. I lost my Mom in Dec after a sudden illness. She knew that we were TTC but it kills me that she never knew I was pg and will never know my child. My sister has two kids so I got to see what a wonderful grandmother my mother was to them, and I feel cheated that my child won't get to experience that. I hate that my Mom won't be here to help me with this pregnancy and I won't get to share it with her- it would have made her so happy. I am going to be comitted to finding ways to have my Mom 'in' my child's life and to make sure they 'know' her. Pictures, stories, whatever I can do.

mominatrix

sorry for your loss...

I lost my dad recently... it's all tied up with TTC and this child. I got pregnant last fall and miscarried in November. My OB told me to take three months off of TTC (which I did)... saw my parents over Christmas for three weeks... they visited my family here, but my dad (who had an underlying lung condition) caught a cold that turned into pneumonia. Mom and dad went home to South Carolina, I went out there soon after, and my dad died on January 21.  Soon afterwards, we discovered that we were pregnant again, and this one stuck.

Like you, I'm really sad that they won't know each other, particularly given that this will be the only grandson my dad had. 

The LO's middle name will be my dad's... 

molldoll71

So many hgs to you.  My dad passed away two weeks ago too and it breaks my heart that my little one will never meet him.  I already feel like Billy was cheated because he only had 2 12/ years with him and my Dad was ill a lot.  My Dad was so smart, kind and funny and loved his granchildren more than anything - it hurts so much that he won't be able to see them all grow up.  I just pray he's in a better place and looking down on all of us.