WWYD if you got an unwanted BFP?

CFO

amy05:

I would get over it...I mean were you preventing it?

That's an incredibly trite response.  Its a huge life event. 

I would cry my eyes out, and then stand up, brush myself off and plan for the new baby.

franciscaz

I would take it as it comes.  You always have "options" but for me if I were you: being in a good marriage (even w/employment issues) and having one child those wouldn't be options for me.

I know it isn't the same thing b/c we were ttc but I never planned on twins.  Since than with all I've faced really life is about taking it as it comes.  You just have to have faith and push right through.  Things always work out.

lanie26

ManciniMom:

murphyec:

After seeing my son and knowing what a joy he is, I could never "terminate" a pregnancy. 

 

exactly

Oh well, in that case. Jo was a horror show for the first 6 months, and I was prepared for her. I could not endure that if I was a single mom, or living pay check to paycheck, or dealing with too much already.

Now that I've had a child. I am even more pro choice.

LindsayMarieG

I would freak out and DH would definitely freak out. I would go into fear of pregnancy mode and DH would go into money number crunching mode. After a few days we would be ok, then gradually move to excited.

 Before DS I got pregnant on the pill, this is the process we went through before I miscarried. We got so used to the idea of a baby we started trying for DS.

juietbride

Personally I can't imagine an unwanted BFP, an unplanned sure, but not an unwanted.  I would probably freak out for a bit and then dust myself off and get ready for the ride.

IckyThump

lanie26:

Oh well, in that case. Jo was a horror show for the first 6 months, and I was prepared for her. I could not endure that if I was a single mom, or living pay check to paycheck, or dealing with too much already.

Now that I've had a child. I am even more pro choice.

Me too. Experiencing what the physical, emotional and financial stress that a child brings firsthand makes me all the more adamant that if someone doesn't want or can't handle it for whatever reason, they shouldn't be forced to.

Mrs.tlcS

what would I do?  I honestly have no idea.  It would really depend on the circumstances at the time.

fIowerchild

We would be happy about the BFP. BUT that doesn't mean that you should be. I'm sorry you're freaking. First Test, and if it's a positive, then freak out, then decide if you should continue with the pregnancy,

Monkeybuttwhat

I can't really say because I can't imagine it in my current situation.

But if you're I'm sorry and I hope it all works out for you. GL

fIowerchild

lanie26:

Now that I've had a child. I am even more pro choice.

I agree 100% with lanie.  Now that I have a child I can *truly* comprehend how difficult it is and how much you need to want to carry that child to term. 

WestCoastMommy

It would suck but I would roll with it. Things can't always be planned. If you were planning on having a second child then it can't be that bad.

mrsfitz35

juietbride:

Personally I can't imagine an unwanted BFP, an unplanned sure, but not an unwanted.  I would probably freak out for a bit and then dust myself off and get ready for the ride.

I agree with this. Not everything happens the way we plan. I understand you were "preventing" but we are all adults here. Nothing is 100%. If you are having sex and one of you hasn't had vital organs removed (I say removed because I have an aunt who had her tubes tied and her DH had a vasectemy and they got preggo), you could get pregnant. End of story. You should always have a plan.

I can wrap my mind around a woman having an abortion if she'd never had a baby and experienced motherhood. But I will never in a million years understand how a mother could look at her toddler or her infant or whatever and say "if you'd come at a worse time, I'd have killed you before you had a chance to take your first breath." Can you imagine if you'd aborted your little girl? Can you honestly imagine your life without her? In 2 years, you'd feel the same about any baby you may or may not be carrying. If you are pregnant, there's a life growing inside you. A life that's going to turn into a precious human being that loves you unconditionally and looks to you for all that matters in life.

What would I do? Maybe panic a little about the money but realize that a lot of people get by on a lot less. Get myself together and make a plan!

hudsaunt1

I, personally, would keep it.  This happened to a friend of mine and while she was figuring out what to do, she ended up having a m/c (she was leaning towards having an abortion.)

Heather R

mrsfitz35:

juietbride:

Personally I can't imagine an unwanted BFP, an unplanned sure, but not an unwanted.  I would probably freak out for a bit and then dust myself off and get ready for the ride.

 If you are having sex and one of you hasn't had vital organs removed (I say removed because I have an aunt who had her tubes tied and her DH had a vasectemy and they got preggo), you could get pregnant. End of story. You should always have a plan.

I can wrap my mind around a woman having an abortion if she'd never had a baby and experienced motherhood. But I will never in a million years understand how a mother could look at her toddler or her infant or whatever and say "if you'd come at a worse time, I'd have killed you before you had a chance to take your first breath." Can you imagine if you'd aborted your little girl? Can you honestly imagine your life without her? In 2 years, you'd feel the same about any baby you may or may not be carrying. If you are pregnant, there's a life growing inside you. A life that's going to turn into a precious human being that loves you unconditionally and looks to you for all that matters in life.

 

Your reply, while heartfelt, is not helpful (the bolded part), and the rest is moralizing, which is similarly not helpful. 

OP, I personally would probably learn to live with the idea in time and make it work.  Wishing you well, but hoping there's nothing to even worry about.

ashley0616

I know exactly how you feel. DH and I were TTA for similar reasons and got a surprise BFP. After a lot of freaking out we finally calmed down and realized that things will work out. I would never terminate a pregnancy created by DH and myself, we agreed on that much. We know that we are blessed with this child, and that even our worst case financial scenario isn't the worst case life scenario. No one is going to die, our kids are healthy (we hope this one is anyway), life will be OK eventually even if it is hard for a while. I know it's hard to see the forrest for the trees, but take a deep breath. That other mouth to feed is attached to a cute chubby face and a sweet child that you get to love forever. The fianancial stuff is temporary, the love you get to share with another child is forever. It's totally normal and OK to feel overwhelmed and scared and angry and confused. Is there anyone you can talk to should the test be positive? A family member, a clergy member, anyone who can help calm your fears? I hope everything works out in the best way possible for you, and I'll be thinking about you.

mrsfitz35

Heather R:

mrsfitz35:

juietbride:

Personally I can't imagine an unwanted BFP, an unplanned sure, but not an unwanted.  I would probably freak out for a bit and then dust myself off and get ready for the ride.

 If you are having sex and one of you hasn't had vital organs removed (I say removed because I have an aunt who had her tubes tied and her DH had a vasectemy and they got preggo), you could get pregnant. End of story. You should always have a plan.

I can wrap my mind around a woman having an abortion if she'd never had a baby and experienced motherhood. But I will never in a million years understand how a mother could look at her toddler or her infant or whatever and say "if you'd come at a worse time, I'd have killed you before you had a chance to take your first breath." Can you imagine if you'd aborted your little girl? Can you honestly imagine your life without her? In 2 years, you'd feel the same about any baby you may or may not be carrying. If you are pregnant, there's a life growing inside you. A life that's going to turn into a precious human being that loves you unconditionally and looks to you for all that matters in life.

 

Your reply, while heartfelt, is not helpful (the bolded part), and the rest is moralizing, which is similarly not helpful. 

OP, I personally would probably learn to live with the idea in time and make it work.  Wishing you well, but hoping there's nothing to even worry about.

Well, since I was looking for your approval, I'm clearly crushed.

But you know what? Sometimes you need a little "tough love" to shake you into reality. She asked opinions, I gave mine. Sorry you don't like it. She didn't ask what she should do. She asked what I would do. That's what I'd do: realize that like it or not, I took the chance so here I am.

She has the legal right to do whatever she wants to do. She knows that. If I were that panicked over the situation, I'd want someone to be cut and dry with me and get straight to the point.

StylishMom

Honestly, Im totally against abortion. My DD was totally unexpected and with the wrong guy...I had to change my life 360 degrees. But i wouldnt change anything for the world. Now i am expecting another one...and of course we arent in the best stable part of our lifes, but we have to make it work. Maybe cutting cable and internet to add the diaper expenses...but adding a life and taking little things away like internet, cable..other unneeded things..theres just no comparison. You gotta

StylishMom

Honestly, Im totally against abortion. My DD was totally unexpected and with the wrong guy...I had to change my life 360 degrees. But i wouldnt change anything for the world. Now i am expecting another one...and of course we arent in the best stable part of our lifes, but we have to make it work. Maybe cutting cable and internet to add the diaper expenses...but adding a life and taking little things away like internet, cable..other unneeded things..theres just no comparison. You gotta do

StylishMom

Honestly, Im totally against abortion. My DD was totally unexpected and with the wrong guy...I had to change my life 360 degrees. But i wouldnt change anything for the world. Now i am expecting another one...and of course we arent in the best stable part of our lifes, but we have to make it work. Maybe cutting cable and internet to add the diaper expenses...but adding a life and taking little things away like internet, cable..other unneeded things..theres just no comparison. You gotta do what

MattsWifey<3

get ready for another baby.

StylishMom

mrsfitz35:

Heather R:

mrsfitz35:

juietbride:

Personally I can't imagine an unwanted BFP, an unplanned sure, but not an unwanted.  I would probably freak out for a bit and then dust myself off and get ready for the ride.

 If you are having sex and one of you hasn't had vital organs removed (I say removed because I have an aunt who had her tubes tied and her DH had a vasectemy and they got preggo), you could get pregnant. End of story. You should always have a plan.

I can wrap my mind around a woman having an abortion if she'd never had a baby and experienced motherhood. But I will never in a million years understand how a mother could look at her toddler or her infant or whatever and say "if you'd come at a worse time, I'd have killed you before you had a chance to take your first breath." Can you imagine if you'd aborted your little girl? Can you honestly imagine your life without her? In 2 years, you'd feel the same about any baby you may or may not be carrying. If you are pregnant, there's a life growing inside you. A life that's going to turn into a precious human being that loves you unconditionally and looks to you for all that matters in life.

 

Well, since I was looking for your approval, I'm clearly crushed.

But you know what? Sometimes you need a little "tough love" to shake you into reality. She asked opinions, I gave mine. Sorry you don't like it. She didn't ask what she should do. She asked what I would do. That's what I'd do: realize that like it or not, I took the chance so here I am.

She has the legal right to do whatever she wants to do. She knows that. If I were that panicked over the situation, I'd want someone to be cut and dry with me and get straight to the point.

 

I agree...

lanie26

mrsfitz35:

Heather R:

mrsfitz35:

juietbride:

Personally I can't imagine an unwanted BFP, an unplanned sure, but not an unwanted.  I would probably freak out for a bit and then dust myself off and get ready for the ride.

 If you are having sex and one of you hasn't had vital organs removed (I say removed because I have an aunt who had her tubes tied and her DH had a vasectemy and they got preggo), you could get pregnant. End of story. You should always have a plan.

I can wrap my mind around a woman having an abortion if she'd never had a baby and experienced motherhood. But I will never in a million years understand how a mother could look at her toddler or her infant or whatever and say "if you'd come at a worse time, I'd have killed you before you had a chance to take your first breath." Can you imagine if you'd aborted your little girl? Can you honestly imagine your life without her? In 2 years, you'd feel the same about any baby you may or may not be carrying. If you are pregnant, there's a life growing inside you. A life that's going to turn into a precious human being that loves you unconditionally and looks to you for all that matters in life.

 

Your reply, while heartfelt, is not helpful (the bolded part), and the rest is moralizing, which is similarly not helpful. 

OP, I personally would probably learn to live with the idea in time and make it work.  Wishing you well, but hoping there's nothing to even worry about.

Well, since I was looking for your approval, I'm clearly crushed.

But you know what? Sometimes you need a little "tough love" to shake you into reality. She asked opinions, I gave mine. Sorry you don't like it. She didn't ask what she should do. She asked what I would do. That's what I'd do: realize that like it or not, I took the chance so here I am.

She has the legal right to do whatever she wants to do. She knows that. If I were that panicked over the situation, I'd want someone to be cut and dry with me and get straight to the point.

Well you're just laughable now.

Mrs. S Wilson

That is what happened to us this go around, but now I couldn' t imagine it being any other way.  There are other options besides termination. There are so many families wanting to adopt, or if you decided to keep it you could look into WIC, public health, medical card.  You can get financial assistance if you are truly in a financial bind.  Another plus is you would have 9 months to put a little money back here and there. Or start buying diapers, wipes, etc.. now so when the baby comes you are stocked on the essentials. That is what we are doing. I know you are terrified of POAS, but if you did it then you would know whether or not you truly had a reason to be terrified.  Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

 EDIT-I should add our BFP wasn't unwanted, it was just a major surprise!

tmp-263192375005966

CFO:

amy05:

I would get over it...I mean were you preventing it?

That's an incredibly trite response.  Its a huge life event. 

I would cry my eyes out, and then stand up, brush myself off and plan for the new baby.

I didn't mean it in a bad way...I would get over the shock and start planning...Shes asking what we would do..I would get over it. And plan for another child. And after I read more I saw she WAS preventing it...

102503Natalie

KMLP:

I would accept it.

This.

mrsfitz35

lanie26:

mrsfitz35:

Heather R:

mrsfitz35:

juietbride:

Personally I can't imagine an unwanted BFP, an unplanned sure, but not an unwanted.  I would probably freak out for a bit and then dust myself off and get ready for the ride.

 If you are having sex and one of you hasn't had vital organs removed (I say removed because I have an aunt who had her tubes tied and her DH had a vasectemy and they got preggo), you could get pregnant. End of story. You should always have a plan.

I can wrap my mind around a woman having an abortion if she'd never had a baby and experienced motherhood. But I will never in a million years understand how a mother could look at her toddler or her infant or whatever and say "if you'd come at a worse time, I'd have killed you before you had a chance to take your first breath." Can you imagine if you'd aborted your little girl? Can you honestly imagine your life without her? In 2 years, you'd feel the same about any baby you may or may not be carrying. If you are pregnant, there's a life growing inside you. A life that's going to turn into a precious human being that loves you unconditionally and looks to you for all that matters in life.

 

Your reply, while heartfelt, is not helpful (the bolded part), and the rest is moralizing, which is similarly not helpful. 

OP, I personally would probably learn to live with the idea in time and make it work.  Wishing you well, but hoping there's nothing to even worry about.

Well, since I was looking for your approval, I'm clearly crushed.

But you know what? Sometimes you need a little "tough love" to shake you into reality. She asked opinions, I gave mine. Sorry you don't like it. She didn't ask what she should do. She asked what I would do. That's what I'd do: realize that like it or not, I took the chance so here I am.

She has the legal right to do whatever she wants to do. She knows that. If I were that panicked over the situation, I'd want someone to be cut and dry with me and get straight to the point.

Well you're just laughable now.

Why? Because I don't agree with you? Or because I find parenting a joy and I'm thankful everyday that I was able to conceive easily. I save my sympathy for those who desperately desire a child and can't have one instead of those who can't be grateful for the ones they have been given.

thomas&lynn

I got my BFP recently and was totally over the moon about it. Then we found out it was twins and I found myself having many different feelings about that extra unexpected human. For the week that they were both alive and I knew about them, I was honestly quite depressed. I don't think I left the house that week but once. But I did immediately start info gathering, asking for support, and tried to think positively as much as possible. It was scary for us having 3 the way it sounds 2 would be for you guys.

I think I was going thru shock and a little mourning of the loss of the family I had planned on having (2 kiddos) but I was coming around. I guess I'm saying I felt scared, sad, frustrated etc but we were tackling our surprise with all the abilities and support we could muster. And we were going to do it and have our cozy 5 person family one day. And then we found out one passed and while I was sad and I cried during the u/s, MH and I had to admit to eachother later than night that we felt relief. (and yes we do feel guilt over that at times but it is what it is).

It was a nutso emotional week, OP. My short answer is I'd do what I just described...accept it and jump in with lots of thinking towards the long term. However, I also wanted to say I think I get how you might be feeling on some scale and I too would never judge another for making those tough decisions about when to add to thier family.

I wish you all the best.

Luckiest13

I would worry. ANd I'd have a lot of planning to do for a new baby.

earthboundmisfit

I guess I'd just go for it. DH and I are financially sound, we have the room [kinda] and the love....even if it would be unplanned [like DD was], I don't think a BFP of ours could ever be unwanted. We're both go with the flow people.