Help me control my 2 1/2 year old please!!

ashleynb7

Out of nowhere my 2 1/2 year old DD has become extremely violent towards my 8 month old DS.  When I say violent, I don't mean just taking away toys, etc....which she does do.... I mean hurting him!!  Examples: Kicking him, pushing him down, falling or jumping on top of him, slamming doors on him, pushing her easel on top of him and then jumoing on it with him under it.  She is causing bruises and I don't know what to do.  Time out is a joke to her.  She sits in time out and repeats, "I'm in time out" and laughs!  Then she is right back at what she was doing to him as soon as she gets up.  Sending her to bed isn't working.  I've taken away toys, her movies, outside priveledges...not phasing her at all!  Finally, I have resorted to spankings and she cries for 30 seconds, says her "i'm sorrys" and is right back at it.  Please help!  I am terrified that she is going to hurt him and I don't know what else to do.  I've tried to explain to her that she is going to hurt him and he will have to go to the hospital but she doesn't understand that the hospital means BAD!  Any suggestions? I'm at a loss!

kada626

sorry you are going thru this. I haven't experience that extreme of behavior but I know sometimes my toddler will get too rough with the baby. I usually get down on the floor with them & show my toddler how to play with the baby properly. I don't think she is trying to hurt the baby, she probably is just curious what will happen. I don't see how spanking would work. You are basically get physical with her for being physical with the baby. I think spanking would only teach her to hit more...like it's ok to do because you do it. Could she be trying to get attention from you? Maybe she is jealous of the baby now & needs some more 1on1 attention from you. I would also praise her a lot for when she is playing nicely with the baby. Good luck. I hope things get better and soon.

Pesky

Geez, I don't know.  I would try being consistent with the punishments -- she goes in time out, fine.  Does it again, immediately back to time out.  Over and over again.  And I might start taking a proactive approach of separating them maybe using a kiddie corral for your DD to keep her away from your DS.  I would ask your pedi for suggestions.  Make sure she is getting her alone time with you so there is limited jealousy at play here.  There are also books like Hands are not for Hitting (a whole series) that could help emphasize the message of not hurting another.

brightning

Not to get preachy, but I'm pretty sure that spanking her won't teach her to *not* hit the baby.

I think consistency is key at this age. You've got to stick with a particular system for a while before it will start to work. She might also be crying out for more attention. Your DS is probably more of a threat to her at this age because he is not a sleepy newborn anymore. Maybe you can look for activities that engage both of them - reading together, etc.

In the meantime, it sounds like you've really got your hands full! Hopefully this is a short-lived phase.

Fenella

I have twins so a little different, but one of my son's is getting very aggressive with his brother, hair pulling, slapping ect. I was doing time outs, but the same thing, he would come out and do it again. Today I tried a different approach, everytime he did something like pull hair, I would show him the right way to behave, ie stroking his brother's hair and face, or giving hugs and kisses. I also gave lots of praise when he did the right thing. He actually was less violent today. Also I did notice it got worse close to dinner time when he was getting hungry.

 I agree with the pp, I don't think spanking will help in this situation either, it seems like you are sending mixed messages.

WereWitty

"We don't hit.  Now get over here so I can spank you."
You realize how non-productive that is right?

First, ALWAYS show her the proper way to behave, speak, interact.  She's getting this type of behavior from somewhere; on tv, older kids, you (spankings) other family members.
Two, time out.  Every time, for every offense.  If she comes right out of a time out and hits, send her right back. Do this over and over again.  You'll be ready to jump out a window but if you stay consistant she will eventually get it.  Sitting in time out all day long is no fun.  She'll see that.
Right now you're a joke to her.  She isn't taking your threats seriously because you're always doing something different. 
Third, make sure you're giving her plenty of play time including time away from the baby.   

Get the rest of her caregivers on board with the program and I bet you'll notice a change in her behavior in the first 3 days. 

Remember kids are not bad (except in rare cases of serious mental illness).  They are products of their environment.  Best of luck.