wwyd re:mil

*Lu-Lu*

Do you expect your mil to treat your kids the same as she treats her other grandkids?  My mil definitely does not buy my kids nearly as much as she buys for her daughter's son.  Just this past week, she has gone shopping with me twice.  Nephew is staying with her for the week.  She has bought him two pairs of stride rites (he's not even walking yet) and numerous outfits.  When we're in stores, she looking for stuff for the nephew and not even interested in what my kids may need.  I know this may seem petty, but it really bothers me.  It hurts my feelings and soon enough, Logan will be old enough to realize what is going on.  I would never treat another person like this and it's starting to really piss me off.   She's never really bought them anything at all before this.  I guess just going shopping this past week was the last straw. 

MILs can be such pains in the asses.

mabelanna

I have this problem with my family- my DS and his cousins.  The cousins get wayyy more.  And it isnt going to change.  I just accept it and say Que Sera Sera....

mikeandmonica

Honestly, I would just make a comment about it. Maybe something as simple as "hey, MIL, I think that it is great that you buy nephew things, and I'm not asking that you start buying DS things as well. However, pretty soon DS will be old enough to realize that nephew is getting a lot of stuff from grandma and he isn't and I think that it will hurt his feelings. When that happens, can you please make sure you and nephew's parents do everything to keep the fact that nephew is getting presents from grandma from my DS?" If you are close enough with her to go shopping periodically, I think that you are close enough to have a frank discussion about it (and not have DH be the middle man about it) Maybe she doesn't even realize what she is doing?

*Lu-Lu*

mabelanna:

I have this problem with my family- my DS and his cousins.  The cousins get wayyy more.  And it isnt going to change.  I just accept it and say Que Sera Sera....

I know what you mean, but I'm just too feisty to let it slide!  For now, I just bitchandmoan about it to dh.  He says it doesn't bother him and that his mom can spend her money however she wants. 

*Lu-Lu*

mikeandmonica:

Honestly, I would just make a comment about it. Maybe something as simple as "hey, MIL, I think that it is great that you buy nephew things, and I'm not asking that you start buying DS things as well. However, pretty soon DS will be old enough to realize that nephew is getting a lot of stuff from grandma and he isn't and I think that it will hurt his feelings. When that happens, can you please make sure you and nephew's parents do everything to keep the fact that nephew is getting presents from grandma from my DS?" If you are close enough with her to go shopping periodically, I think that you are close enough to have a frank discussion about it (and not have DH be the middle man about it) Maybe she doesn't even realize what she is doing?

That is very good advice.  And, I know I shouldn't put dh in the middle of it, but I just feel like it should bother him like it bothers me.  I really should talk to her about it...  but I think I 'talk a big talk' but won't have the balls to say anything to her.  Plus, I don't want to rock the boat.  It just blows my mind that she thinks this is ok.  Maybe you're right, maybe she doesn't even think anything of it.  Which is pretty ridiculous.

 

Brideofranken

oddly my MIL seems to favor my two over her daughter's daughter (she's one year older than J and adopted...)

sometimes I think it is because our kids are biologically related to her, which is sad, but sometimes I think it is because my niece is a pain in the ask...

my kids are generally very well behaved and easy to be around- my niece is VERY high energy and....spirited...

my MIL is always making comments that sound like she favors them..it sort of bums me out.

I would be sad if she favored the other kid though..either way, I expect grandparent neutrality.

 

 

mikeandmonica

*Lu-Lu*:

mikeandmonica:

Honestly, I would just make a comment about it. Maybe something as simple as "hey, MIL, I think that it is great that you buy nephew things, and I'm not asking that you start buying DS things as well. However, pretty soon DS will be old enough to realize that nephew is getting a lot of stuff from grandma and he isn't and I think that it will hurt his feelings. When that happens, can you please make sure you and nephew's parents do everything to keep the fact that nephew is getting presents from grandma from my DS?" If you are close enough with her to go shopping periodically, I think that you are close enough to have a frank discussion about it (and not have DH be the middle man about it) Maybe she doesn't even realize what she is doing?

That is very good advice.  And, I know I shouldn't put dh in the middle of it, but I just feel like it should bother him like it bothers me.  I really should talk to her about it...  but I think I 'talk a big talk' but won't have the balls to say anything to her.  Plus, I don't want to rock the boat.  It just blows my mind that she thinks this is ok.  Maybe you're right, maybe she doesn't even think anything of it.  Which is pretty ridiculous.

 

Sorry - I didn't mean it to sound like you personally should put DH in the middle of it - I just know that it is a popular opinion on the board that DH deals with Ils, and I am so anti that idea. If you don't think that you would have the guts now, maybe you could wait until your son IS old enough to notice, and just tell MIL - "you know what, DS asked me why you always buy things for nephew and not for him - how do you want me to answer that?" OR - are you close to SIL? Could you talk to her about it and just ask her how you should approach it and/or get her to mention it to MIL? If my BIL were to have kids, I would have no problem telling MIL that she favored our kids over his kids and I didn't like it. Same with my mom - if she was favoring my kids over my bro/sister's kids, I would say something to her for sure. I would do it the same in reverse though too. I'm not one to hide my thoughts very well though.