do you ever feel like you just don't have it in you to be the mom you want to be?

GretchenlovesMichael

i am really struggling with balance right now.  daphne has had a sleep regression - she is up after 3-4 hours, then up every 2 hours or so all night.  we bedshare (although she starts out in the cosleeper) so it's not a huge effort to nurse her all night but i still never get a full sleep cycle this way, and add to that of course waking to nurse michael jr. when he wakes up (usually only once but often they will end up both awake at that point and it's more of a procedure) and i am back to serious cumulative sleep deprivation.

then during the day, michael is SUCH a high need baby.  and while i love him so much and do everything i can for him, sometimes i just can't be the mommy i would want to be.  like today we went to the grocery store and he just screamed and screamed the entire time in the car.  i tried all of my usual tactics to comfort him and nothing worked at all.  i pulled over twice, which upset daphne who was fine before that.  i am so exhausted and i don't feel like i have it in me to be what i want to be for them right now.  they are both napping in swings right now b/c i am just too exhausted and my back is in too much pain to wear them or cuddle them.  i feel like i am running on empty.

i think this is why most of the twin moms i know resort to sleep training, etc.  it is so hard   but that is not what i want for my babies.  i just feel like i need a small break.

does anyone else ever have these days?

847Christine

We all have bad days.  I can only imagine how challenging twins must be.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  They are lucky to have such a wonderful mommy!

{{hugs}}

Daniel's Mama

I get burnt out sometimes and have these same feelings with my one baby! I can't imagine with twins! You are brave and I have so much respect for you. I agree with pp that your babies are extremely lucky to have a mommy like you.

If you have the opportunity to take a break-then definitely take one. You need to be taking care of yourself to provide all of that care for those two beautiful babies!

ncbelle

I think we definitely all have those days.  I have to admit I was so afraid of having twins because I imagined that it would be so hard to parent the way that I wanted to.  I must say though that you've proven it can be done!  It's ok to let them swing sometimes - they are happily napping and you can take care of you which makes for a better mama in the long run.  Hope you can get a break soon.

FutureGosnell

(HUGS) You are doing a great job! I think we all have our moments/days.

ValerianOddity

I know I've had a few days like that.  Gabriel is also a high needs baby, and I had a day not long ago where I couldn't do anything to make him happy.  I struggle with finding balance too, and I think we make things worse on ourselves some days.  We have such high expectations for ourselves and have chosen such a hands-on way to parent our LOs, that anytime we can't do things exactly the way we feel we should, it creates a lot of self-doubt.  At least, that's the way it works for me.  I can only imagine how much worse that must be parenting twins.

Big (((HUGS))) to you... you're a wonderful mommy!

14years

Oh, Gretchen, I do think every one has days like that.  You are doing such a great job.  It really is fine to let them nap in their swings when you need a break.  This is not an all or nothing thing -- you don't have to do everything 100% perfect all the time to be a great mom.  Heck, no one can do that.

Can you call family and get some help for a couple of days?  It is OK -- well, not just OK, but GOOD -- to make time for yourself.  You need to be Gretchen sometimes and not just "Mommy."  If you make time for yourself, you will have a little more in reserve to be the mom you want to be. 

P.S. Daphne looks so much like you!  They are both such cuties.

GretchenlovesMichael

thank you so much for your support ladies!  it means so much.  today is a much better day - i got some sleep last night which made a huge difference. (daphne chose to sleep 7 hours straight - woohoo!

ncbelle you are so right that having twins makes it super hard to parent this way.  in fact i think most AP-focused parents would choose to space their children out more than the average joe to start.  1-2 years might be too close together to really AP the way one might want, let alone 1 minute apart lol   but i am determined to do the best i can, and i'm trying to find balance each day. 

anyway, all seems brighter today and i can't tell you how much i appreciate your encouragement.  you are so right 14years that this is not an all or nothing deal.  i have to remind myself of that a lot!!