s/o: Has becoming a mother made you a better wife?

KellyND04

Someone said this below in the parenting poll. 

It's hard to separate becoming a mother from some other major stressors that happened in our life simultaneously (buying our first home, moving, changing jobs, running a business), but I definitely feel like a worse wife since I've become a mom.  I know I don't put my marriage relationship as high on my daily priority list as I'd ideally like to. 

Ironically, I always believed that having parents who put their marriage first and seeing their parents be attentive to one another would be really important to my children's sense of security. I really want to do this better.

spunkielexis196

I wish it had, my husband is ignored quite often now in place of him is my son's every need.  It is hard between work, taking care of Gunnar, the house, my 16 year old SD and 2 cats, I know DH needs to fit in somewhere.

I too need to do a better job of moving  him up the list more often than I do. 

rlthomas7

I wouldn't say that it's made me a better or a worse wife, but I do believe it's made our marriage stronger. There's much more of a "we're in this together" mentality and it's strengthened our partnership. And I think we make a point to do things together without Adam, we're finally getting better at that.

Emmy323

I said that in the poll, so I'll explain.

Being a mother has made me appreciate my husband so much more. While I might not dedicate my time to him as much as I used to, I love watching him be a father. I have more respect and admiration for him than I have ever had.

Being parents has made us work together as a team. My own mom was a single parent and while I always had respect for single parents, experiencing motherhood has completely reinforced these feelings. I can't imagine embarking in this journey by myself or without a supportive partner.

We agreed before having children that we would take time for our marriage. Although it's only been three months, we have made a point to have a "date night" at least every other week. We're usually only gone for about an hour and a half, but this opportunity to be a couple has been great. And Kelly, while you said that working was setting a good example for your daughter (I still love that), I feel like having date nights also sets a good example.

Christina617

I think we are a stronger team than we were before Ethan.  I appreciate everything that he does even more.  We spend more time together in the evenings now too.

LClaire

Terrible, horrible so-much-worse wife:( Seriously. I know that a big part of that is that we're both struggling a lot right now, but, yeah - in general we've been awful to one another. It's sort of sad to say that out loud.

mrsjohnnyg12206

I don't think it has made me a better wife. I think it has made our relationship stronger. I love to watch DH interact with our daughter. He takes her places and plays with her and it is just the sweetest thing ever. We try to have date night at least once a week but DH work ALOT so sometimes that is really tricky.

KellyND04

Emmy323

We agreed before having children that we would take time for our marriage. Although it's only been three months, we have made a point to have a "date night" at least every other week. We're usually only gone for about an hour and a half, but this opportunity to be a couple has been great. And Kelly, while you said that working was setting a good example for your daughter (I still love that), I feel like having date nights also sets a good example.

Yes, that's exactly what I mean....taking time for the two of us is an area that we are not setting a good example in right now.  We knew before we got married that neither of our parents set a good example for us, and that it made us feel insecure as children (took all the time needed for kids and did well with the work balance...but didn't seem to take time for one another).  So we're kind of following in their path, finding it a harder pattern to change than we expected as we create our own family life.

KellyND04

LClaire:

Terrible, horrible so-much-worse wife:( Seriously. I know that a big part of that is that we're both struggling a lot right now, but, yeah - in general we've been awful to one another. It's sort of sad to say that out loud.

It is sad, but I'm glad we can say those things out loud here. Just knowing I'm not alone or crazy is half the battle   Knowing that others have found a better way gives me some hope, too.