Should I Feel Guilty?

PSU-NCBride

I need honest opinions here and I know you ladies are good at that!

Long story short..... The daycare system in our city is cut throat. Waiting lists for the 5 star child development centers run from 1.5 to 2 years. They won't let you get on the list until you are pregnant, so the math never works for anyone.

Two or three years ago when we were starting to plan for getting pregnant, we toured all the centers and chose the ones we liked. However, they wouldn't let us put our applications in because we weren't pregnant. Well, the day that we decided to adopt (which was the day after we found out we couldn't conceive biologically) I put in the applications at our top choices. That was in November and I was told it was a year and a half wait.

In April when Holden was born, I freaked out. We don't make enough for a nanny, especially not after the adoption. I hate the idea of sending him somewhere that I think is second rate. Well, my husband called the centers a couple weeks ago to hear just how bad it was. To our amazement we are #3 on the list for our first choice and they think they will be ready for him around the time I'm scheduled to return to work later this summer. We just thought it must be the economy and were excited that it seemed to be falling into place.

Well, turns out that there are a lot of other folks who have been on the list much much longer than us who are nowhere near the top. The only thing that I can think of is that because of the adoption they slipped us in based on when we first visited which would be the right timing. I haven't asked them. To be honest I'm just grateful. My son and his care comes first. Should I feel really guilty about this? A friend/coworker who found out we are about to get in told us she's going to call and complain since she's been on the list longer. It never occurred to us that any sort of strings had been pulled for us because we never asked anyone to.?

kirstenw05

NO GUILT NECESSARY. Chalk it up to adoption giving you an advantage when most of the time it can be a draw back in the eyes of the uneducated public. Count your blessings, and take that advantage!! Congrats too!

Dr.Loretta

You have no proof as to why you're so high up on the list. Chalk it up to karma or good luck or whatever, and TAKE IT! I wouldn't feel guilty for a moment.

kmkaull

I say just be grateful, and "pay it forward" sometime. 

BurkeJax

I would take it with a smile.

lilmufish

Don't feel guilty. There might be other reasons why you got bumped up higher on the list.  I used to work for a psychiatrist who's appointments were scheduled 3-5 months OUT...so we had a waiting list. People got on the waiting list and were called when there was a cancelation...we bumped people up to the top depending on a wide variety of factors - they never knew why...so with that said,  be greatful and chalk it up to the fact that you are rockstar awesome and you deserve this! No guilt allowed!

PSU-NCBride

Ok. I will just smile then. We just got an email from the assistant director asking for more information on him, so I'm thinking this looks good. I'm a firm believer in Pay it Forward. My husband actually said that he hopes in the future he can help folks the way so many have helped us.?

CaptainSerious

Sometimes, things just go our way, and the universe throws us a bone.  Take it and be thankful, and as you have already pledged, one day make someone else's day.

MsBlake

I wouldn't. If money changed hands, that would be a different story, but you didn't do anything.

jacksjerseygirl

1) Don't feel guilty, if they would have put you on the list before then you would have been probably waiting a long time. I think you've been on an 'invisible' list that's why you got bumped up on the official list.

2) Are you SURE you can not afford nanny (I know that is a side issue) but I think many people think that nannies cost more than they really do. I've found here in the northeast (where everything is just more expensive anyway) that a nanny is about the same cost for a good daycare.

 

foundmylazybum

Dr.Loretta:

You have no proof as to why you're so high up on the list. Chalk it up to karma or good luck or whatever, and TAKE IT! I wouldn't feel guilty for a moment.

This. You have no proof of anything. Just a hunch which sounds like it came from someone else who is mad they didn't get in.

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