I totally missed all the school/daycare drama!

WilyRed

Who knew that a MIL vent post could bring such a firestorm!  The book I'm reading "Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety" talks about how working moms and SAHMs have more in common than not.  And for most the "choice" to do one or the other is not as much of a choice so much as what we must do...

Anyhow I agree that as moms we should all support each other!

suh5969

Agreed.  And if someone wants to say school because it makes them feel better, what is the harm?  And because there is no "teacher" at home, doesn't mean they don't learn.  Everyone is just trying to do their best for their child in the situation they are in.  {{BIG HUG}}.

august0605bride

ITA! ?The work of mothering is the same across the board. ?(ha ha-- a board pun)

Chrisy-Wyobride

I don't get it--I've never once gone to the Working Moms board to even look much less to post to defend my decision to SAH & put down WOHMs...is it common for some of the SAHMs to do that?  I don't really care what most other's think (though I would if it was my own Mom or MIL) especially MMML so I don't get the need come over here just to be adversarial.  The OP was just frustrated & venting & people where being supportive because well, it was bullsh*t for her MIL to put her on the defensive like that.  We all do the best we can--I've SAH, I have WAH & I WOH (for a grand total of 2 days because my DD got immediately sick as a dog)--so what, do what you want...I am lucky I do have the choice to do whatever the hell I want--I realize most people feel compelled to one or the other because of finances or whatever.  I am grateful that I live FAR from my MIL & she's never said one word about me SAH & I saddled her son w/ my massive student loans from a graduate degree I don't use right now--LOL!

EnglishMajor03

I will be the first to admit that I got a little heated yesterday about the whole issue.  Like some of the other posters, I only surf boards that directly impact me.  For some reason, yesterday morning it just really bothered me that people were adding their two cents about daycare v. SAH.  Obviously everyone can post whatever, wherever, but the post I replied to got me riled up.  In the end, the point of the matter was that MIL was being nasty and I was one of the first people to lose that perspective.

I did end up spending some time lurking over at the WM board last night just to see if they would pick up the conversation, which they did.  But some of the other posts brought a bit of my sanity back to me realizing that we're all doing what we think is best.  In the end, we're all making sacrifices and that decision is different for everyone.  Are we always going to see eye to eye?  No.  But that also doesn't give MIL, WM or SAHM the right to be rude about our disagreements.  So, for me, I apologize for escalating the matter.

 

funchicken

Chrisy-Wyobride:

I don't get it--I've never once gone to the Working Moms board to even look much less to post to defend my decision to SAH & put down WOHMs...is it common for some of the SAHMs to do that?  I don't really care what most other's think (though I would if it was my own Mom or MIL) especially MMML so I don't get the need come over here just to be adversarial.  The OP was just frustrated & venting & people where being supportive because well, it was bullsh*t for her MIL to put her on the defensive like that.  We all do the best we can--I've SAH, I have WAH & I WOH (for a grand total of 2 days because my DD got immediately sick as a dog)--so what, do what you want...I am lucky I do have the choice to do whatever the hell I want--I realize most people feel compelled to one or the other because of finances or whatever.  I am grateful that I live FAR from my MIL & she's never said one word about me SAH & I saddled her son w/ my massive student loans from a graduate degree I don't use right now--LOL!

ITA.  I thought it was weird the last time a perfectly innocent post ran amok like that.

ithadtobeyou

Well I wrote the post and came back a day later and saw the aftermath!

I certainly didn't intend to start any debate..I just was saying MIL was crazy and not nice to say what she did. Wouldn't have been nice if she was criticizing me if I was working either. Ugh. I just don't understand all the drama! 

I feel like the SAHM board should be a "Safe" place to vent and not be judged for sah or for using or not using certain terms like school. I mean let's not get all politically-correct-panties-in-a-wad over stuff like that. We're all just moms..trying to make it work for our kids.

Halo79RN

Chrisy-Wyobride:

I don't get it--I've never once gone to the Working Moms board to even look much less to post to defend my decision to SAH & put down WOHMs...is it common for some of the SAHMs to do that?  I don't really care what most other's think (though I would if it was my own Mom or MIL) especially MMML so I don't get the need come over here just to be adversarial.  The OP was just frustrated & venting & people where being supportive because well, it was bullsh*t for her MIL to put her on the defensive like that.  We all do the best we can--I've SAH, I have WAH & I WOH (for a grand total of 2 days because my DD got immediately sick as a dog)--so what, do what you want...I am lucky I do have the choice to do whatever the hell I want--I realize most people feel compelled to one or the other because of finances or whatever.  I am grateful that I live FAR from my MIL & she's never said one word about me SAH & I saddled her son w/ my massive student loans from a graduate degree I don't use right now--LOL!

 

well, some of us are lost somewhere between sah and a working mom....  I have sah 100%, I've worked on an "as needed" basis.. so they call me when they need me...  and I currently work 2 twelve hr nights a week, but am home with the kids full time and do not use daycare... so I relate to some posts here, some posts there.  so I do occasionally check out the two boards.  there were some ignorant statements from either side of the fence.   

newportbride715

mrszee2b:

Chrisy-Wyobride:

I don't get it--I've never once gone to the Working Moms board to even look much less to post to defend my decision to SAH & put down WOHMs...is it common for some of the SAHMs to do that?  I don't really care what most other's think (though I would if it was my own Mom or MIL) especially MMML so I don't get the need come over here just to be adversarial.  The OP was just frustrated & venting & people where being supportive because well, it was bullsh*t for her MIL to put her on the defensive like that.  We all do the best we can--I've SAH, I have WAH & I WOH (for a grand total of 2 days because my DD got immediately sick as a dog)--so what, do what you want...I am lucky I do have the choice to do whatever the hell I want--I realize most people feel compelled to one or the other because of finances or whatever.  I am grateful that I live FAR from my MIL & she's never said one word about me SAH & I saddled her son w/ my massive student loans from a graduate degree I don't use right now--LOL!

ITA.  I thought it was weird the last time a perfectly innocent post ran amok like that.

I was thinking the same thing. It has happened more than once. I don't get it. If ppl criticize WOHM's, then it is considered rude/hurtful by all ( which I agree, it is) but it seems to me that somehow some ppl like to get digs in against SAHM's w/o thinking twice (ie: " The evidence is clear that daycare  is better for socialization, blah blah blah. "  Oh, Puh-lease.)

Regardless, I think the school vs. daycare thing is silly to debate. If ppl really want to call it school, I don't care.

mom2binKC

WilyRed:

And for most the "choice" to do one or the other is not as much of a choice so much as what we must do...

Can I just totally stir the pot here?  While I agree that for some women/families, it is not a choice to stay home due to finances, I do think some women choose to work because they and their husbands are not comfortable making the financial sacrifices necessary in order for one of them to be home.

Several of my WOHM friends have told me I'm so "lucky" I get to stay home.  But they are all living in much larger homes, driving nicer brand new cars, and in general have more disposable income that we do.  DH and I chose to purchase a very modest home, buy used cars, and make a lot of daily sacrifices on a tight budget so that I could stay home.  So, while I am glad those sacrifices were enough to allow me to be SAHM, I don't think it was all luck.  Some of my friends who work full time but act like they'd like to be home could easily stay home, but they would certainly have to adjust their lifestyle, and I don't think they are willing to do that.  And some just enjoy working.  There's nothing wrong with that, but I wish they wouldn't act like my staying home is just because we're so "lucky."  And they need to remember it the next time we can't afford to go out with them.

mauceddie

Halo79RN:

Chrisy-Wyobride:

I don't get it--I've never once gone to the Working Moms board to even look much less to post to defend my decision to SAH & put down WOHMs...is it common for some of the SAHMs to do that?  I don't really care what most other's think (though I would if it was my own Mom or MIL) especially MMML so I don't get the need come over here just to be adversarial.  The OP was just frustrated & venting & people where being supportive because well, it was bullsh*t for her MIL to put her on the defensive like that.  We all do the best we can--I've SAH, I have WAH & I WOH (for a grand total of 2 days because my DD got immediately sick as a dog)--so what, do what you want...I am lucky I do have the choice to do whatever the hell I want--I realize most people feel compelled to one or the other because of finances or whatever.  I am grateful that I live FAR from my MIL & she's never said one word about me SAH & I saddled her son w/ my massive student loans from a graduate degree I don't use right now--LOL!

 

well, some of us are lost somewhere between sah and a working mom....  I have sah 100%, I've worked on an "as needed" basis.. so they call me when they need me...  and I currently work 2 twelve hr nights a week, but am home with the kids full time and do not use daycare... so I relate to some posts here, some posts there.  so I do occasionally check out the two boards.  there were some ignorant statements from either side of the fence.   

Ditto this. I work PT... So I do frequent both boards. I have my kids in daycare (not school, LOL) a few days a week, and am home with them much more than your average working mother...

lilone_06

I've been off the board for a week and am just catching up, too, but with the benefit of seeing how it's all shaken out!  My take:

The MIL's behavior is unacceptable; I also have a favorite-playing MIL and am keeping close tabs on her.  I won't put up with it as soon as DD is able to tell the difference. 

The use of 'school' in lieu of 'daycare' I could really give a *** about.  That was just silly and I think really clouded the issue.

For some reason, as some PPs recently mentioned, some of the WOHMs seem to love to come over here and take any and every opportunity to bash SAHMs.  It's happened more than once in the short time I've been on the boards.  I've been a WOHM and now SAHM and cannot see any reason to justify their behavior.  My best guess is that they're pretty unhappy with their current situations and need someone to take it out on (read: they're jealous).

Finally, another PP had a great point; there were ignorant statements made on both sides of the fence.  This is always true (especially in RL!) but is a good reminder to us to be 'the better person' and really watch what we say about WOHMs.  We are all mom's after all, which is *never* an easy job. 

mandymack

lilone_06:

I've been off the board for a week and am just catching up, too, but with the benefit of seeing how it's all shaken out!  My take:

The MIL's behavior is unacceptable; I also have a favorite-playing MIL and am keeping close tabs on her.  I won't put up with it as soon as DD is able to tell the difference. 

The use of 'school' in lieu of 'daycare' I could really give a *** about.  That was just silly and I think really clouded the issue.

For some reason, as some PPs recently mentioned, some of the WOHMs seem to love to come over here and take any and every opportunity to bash SAHMs.  It's happened more than once in the short time I've been on the boards.  I've been a WOHM and now SAHM and cannot see any reason to justify their behavior.  My best guess is that they're pretty unhappy with their current situations and need someone to take it out on (read: they're jealous).

Finally, another PP had a great point; there were ignorant statements made on both sides of the fence.  This is always true (especially in RL!) but is a good reminder to us to be 'the better person' and really watch what we say about WOHMs.  We are all mom's after all, which is *never* an easy job. 

I could not agree more - regardless of what rubs someone the wrong way, this board *should* be an encouraging, supportive place for ALL SAHMs and people who speak up only to tear others down just shouldn't be given any attention.