XP: help me get through this...stopping pumping

gymrat

Yesterday afternoon sealed the deal for me. My DH took the babies outside to play and I had to stay inside to pump. Also, they seem to reach for everyone (MIL, FIL, DH) else besides me and I feel like it's because of my pumping schedule. I had to pump at night so DH woke up and did most of the night feedings, my in-laws have them during the day (I work) and when I got home from work I had to immediately go pump. It just breaks my heart in two.

I know what I gave them for a year has been the best that I could do. Giving them BM was the only thing my body did right by them and I worked HARD to pump for them.

It's just really emotional for me (I'm crying now) to come to this decision because even though they are 1 on Friday they are physically only 9 mos. and my daughter especially needs higher cals.

I just can't go on missing out on their lives. I need sleep and I want to get back to exercising. These things have been affected by my pumping.

So my plan is to drop to 4 pumps tomorrow for 2-3 wks, then to 3 for 2-3 wks, and then 2 pumps a day and wait and see how much I get before completely stopping.

I just need some support and a little push to get over the emotional part of letting this go.

ShanaNChris

I just want to commend you on making it this far. I too felt like it was one of the only things I could do for Lily. I was sad and cried a lot. But I do have more time to spend with her and DH and would get more sleep, but she stopped STTN when I stopped pumping (coincidence).

You should feel really good about what you have done and how far you have made it, some mothers of full-term babies, that have no issues and only have one child, give-up after a week bc it is hard and time-consuming - you didn't. You have done more for them, than some mothers do in a lifetime for their child.

allison_hope

PLEASE do not feel bad .... you should be proud and know you're a wonderful mom for all you have done. I'm in awe that you were able to pump for so long!  Your babies are lucky to have a mom that loves them and is so determined to do what is in their best interest.  Remember that spending time with them & bondng is just as important, if not more .... so you're doing the right thing for all of you!

I recently stopped pumping (at 7.5 WEEKS!) and had a hard time with it.  Unfortunately my DD couldn't suck well enough to breastfeed and my supply dropped a LOT.  We recently found out she doesn't tollerate milk or soy proteins so after doing a crazy diet for a while, it just wasn't worth it.  Luckily she's finally gaining weight on her hypoallergenic formula so I know she's doing well.

Good luck.  Luckily I wasn't producing much at all so I was able to drop to 2-3 pumps a day for a few days then stopped completely. It wasn't too painful ... only really tender for a day or two.

kamcfarlane

i'm so sorry you're sad! i can completely relate. everyone said they were sad when the started weaning, but i figured the rational side of me would be excited to not be tied to that machine so many times a day. low and behold, the first time i had to mix a formula bottle for him at night (he got formula at daycare and BM with me), i got all teary. the first time i had to give him formula for his "superbottle" (first bottle of the day with vitamins, zantac, and prune juice), i got teary. tomorrow is my last pump (i dropped a pump a week) and i'm still a little sad about it all. we still have a bunch in the freezer, but it's just not the same.

i hope you feel better soon and enjoy the extra time with your little ones!!

Sweets2005

Wow, I think you are a hero for making it this far! Don't feel bad because you are just trading one thing your babies need for another (breastmilk for mommy time!) And you will still have enough with the 2 pumps a day to give them something. Anyway, congrats on making it this far. I hope I can be as awesome as you when my babies come!

mhop

I think it's awesome you've made it this far.   I made it 7 months and then decided that my sanity was more important (I struggled with supply all along and even used donated BM from a good friend).  Also, you've made it through RSV season so your babies got the immunities from the BM that they wouldn't have otherwise gotten.  Now they're almost a year and they need their mommy more than they need your milk.  I know it'll be tough, but you know you will do the thing that is best for your family.

TriciaJoy

Ugh. I feel ya. I'm at the same point. We've finally reached the point where my supply isn't keeping up with him and I've started using the freezer stash.

It's been so hard.. I feel like it does come between Robbie and me because it seems like he'll fall asleep in my arms and when I should just be basking in the moment, I'm thinking 'I need to pump."

I finally dropped to 5 pumps and that's worked *pretty* well, but it still gets in the way. I tried to drop to 4 but lost supply.

I've pretty much decided I'm going to stay at 5 pumps until he turns 1 (3 weeks from now) then I'm going to slowly drop pumps until I run out of Domperidone and then completely wean off. But I feel really weird. Somehow it still feels like "giving up." even though I know *logically* that isn't the case.

I know I had/have major issues with feeling like my body failed him, and the milk I made was somehow something I could do. For a long time it was the *only* thing I could do. And I can't seem to get away from it.

All I can say is that you KNOW you've done a hero's work by providing two babies with milk all the time. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a break.

 

Aidge

You made it this far (with twins no less!) and that is SO commendable. ?I only recently started making much less (and surprise, AF showed up today for the first time in a year and a half- ugh), so I know that my pumping days are numbered as well. ?This is for different reasons, though- I'm just not producing, and that makes me sad. ?Again, though, GREAT job!

Mrs.DMC

Don't feel bad! You have done an amazing job, and you have lasted alot longer than most people would. I struggled with the decision to stop at 5 months due to very low supply. When I did stop, I was so relieved that I didn't have to stress about it anymore. Just think about what is going to make you the happiest and go with it.

ijack

You have done an amazing job with pumping for a year and you should be SOOOOO proud of yourself! I know it's so hard. I stopped pumping at a year and I continued to breast feed but I wasn't making enough. It was a hard decision, but it was so liberating to throw that pump away (not really throw it away, but hide it). E is starting to lose interest in BFing but I really don't want her to be on 100% formula, for some reason I'm having a hard time with that.

Part of being the best mommy is doing what is best for you too. throw that pump away and be happy that you're going to have all that time back!!!

big hugs

armo

I'm just where you are.  I have cut down to twice a day, and I really am having trouble cutting myself off.  I know if i just did it for 5 minutes tonight instead of 15, I'd be dry in a few days, but I am not ready to go there yet!!   So here i am, making only 6 ounces a day for each of my 1-yr old (10 months adjusted) girls.  (i used to make much more but slowed down since i purposefully cut back on pumping). 

I wish they had caught on to BFing, but they never did.  I see my sister and how attached her DD is to her (BF and SAH mom, while i pumped, had lots of helpers feed them bottles, and work full time) and boy is it hard not to get jealous and worried that my girls won't ever think of me that way.

AT this age, i guess better to spend our time bonding with our DC rather than the pump. 

Hmmph.  Keep in touch!