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Adoption
jacksjerseygirl
member
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HTT: Marriage Requirements vs. Singles Requirements
jacksjerseygirl
member
in Adoption
I'm sure we have covered this:
What do you think about countries and individual DA agencies making lengthy marriage requirements of married adoptive parents, but then it is perfectly okay for a single persons to adopt - there seems to be a disconnect here.
Stats:
First marriages which end in divorce, on average, last 11 years, second marriages that end in divorce, on average, last a little over 7 years. Given these stats, it seems that requiring 2 years, 3 years or perhaps even 7 years of marriage would be pointless because if the marriage is going to end in divorce it may not occur, on average, for many more years.
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I love watching the adoption show which features God's Littlest Angels orphanage in Haiti. And, really would consider IA from Haiti for future adoptions but the law there makes that impossible because by the time DH and I have been married for the 7 or 10 year period that is required he would be over 50.
The country requires you to be at least 30 but > 50 (if less than 35 you have to receive a special waiver which could take up to 12 mo)
At least 7 years of marriage but longer is preferred (if less than 10 years you have to receive a special waiver which could take up to 12 mo)
Single women accepted if at least 35 and > 50.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: HTT: Marriage Requirements vs. Singles Requirements
No, my question is not regarding single people being allowed to adopt. I think that is wonderful and perfectly fine.
My question is more so with the disconnect between allowing single people to adopt but then placing lengthy marriage requirements on married couples wanting to adopt. Why do they have to be married for 2, 3, 7, 10 years before they can adopt but a single person can adopt without any additional restrictions.
It does seem to be an arbitrary number doesn't it.
Well this draws up I guess a 2 part next question for me:
For IA: Are those numbers set by the agencies (and do those agencies only work with US couples or international couples) OR the countries? Like I thought China set that marriage number. B/C if the country sets the number than maybe they have better international statistics on marriage (for instance maybe French people have a better marriage rate at 6 years than we do--make sense? ?My personal guess is that the agencies want the most stable situation for the child, and they must have some sort of backup to those numbers.?
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I would guess--and it's just a guess that single people probably DO have a lot of restrictions---there might be a lot more questions as to why this single person is adopting...to some that would be an "alternative lifestyle." ?
I am not crazy supportive of the laws. When DH and first started working towards adoption, we were at 22 months of marriage. We are still less than three years.
We are 36 and 37 years old and have lots of security in our lives. We waited many years before getting married. I have no fear of our marriage disolving. Yet, in many countries, we would not qualify.
A Gay friend adopted his son a couple of years ago. He adopted with his partner of five years. The agency that they used have "marriage" rules but allow singles to adopt, and didn't recognize my friend as being "married". In this case, the two split up before their son was 8 months old. This is a great example of how the "marriage rule" doesn't help prevent a child from ending up sharing time between two parents homes. Silly, huh!
One other thing I want to say about this:
In our country, we make it (at least right now!) a benefit tax wise to be married.
In many European countries they put a tax hit on you for being married so you see LOTS of couples who are single yet live together for years and years..a lifetime of commitment just not "married,'' by the state. It is interesting to think that they would have a shorter wait b/c they would adopt as a single person in a committed relationship than us marrieds.
I'm not sure that has a true point and I'm sorry if it doesn't. I just think it's kind of interesting. ?
This is us too. DH and I have been together for 6 (or more lol) years but we only married a year ago. Our agency has a 2 year requirement, we were able to get a waiver for DA, at the time we were only 6 mo into marriage and they granted the waiver.
I think that with some countries you can get a waiver too, but you wait much longer. For example haiti even if you meet the 7 year requirement, if it is not 10 years you still have to get some special waiver which can take 12 mo. Crazy!
I think that is an interesting point. I think that is my point LOL ... I guess if DH and I divorced then I could adopt from Haiti
jk
I agree that I find there to be a major disconnect between the marriage length requirements and single folks being able to adopt without meeting those requirements.
For example, DH and I are just approaching the 2 year mark, yet we had an 18 month engagement during which we lived together and lived together for a year and prior to being engaged, and dated beyond that without living together. We both married very young previously and divorced, and it was important to both of us that we live together first and make sure everything was right. We could have gotten married right away and be approaching the 4 year mark, instead, there are many agencies who won't work with us (including all local agencies and the state's foster to adopt program) because we haven't been married 3 years.
It doesn't make sense. There is no guarantee that a marriage will work, and getting to some magical anniversary definetly doesn't guarantee it.
One time I saw a post on the Texas board (don't ask how I made my way there!) Where the girls were talking about how Obama was going to put such a tax hit on the people who make over $250,000/year that it made more sense for them to get divorced and stay together as a couple than to stay married! ?It was actually kind of amusing to hear them bemoaning the loss of GW due to his love of the upper middle class!
I guess my point is, you could?divorce but stay together--and then go ahead! You'd still be together in your hearts
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Yeah ... something tells me that DH would not see the logic in this ... lol
haha...When I saw it on the Texas board I was a little kerfluffled by the logic as well! ;D ?I loved that a lot of people were jumping on the bandwagon though...
"Yeah, I'm thinking of bringing this up to MH as well! I'm just confused as to how we will explain it to our children..." ?
I know, that all of these rules/regulations/etc are in place to protect the children, and give them the best home ever...i understand that. But it can sometimes be frustrating!!
When I think of this, I think of Juno (seen it?) and how that couple had planned this adoption for some time, but then ended up separating. I think they should evaluate a couple, and their relationship instead of ages, time spent being married, etc. DH and I will be married for 4 years in two weeks. We came across that "age" requirement several times while were were exploring options. The ages we typically saw were above thirty and being married at least five years.We of course, being in our "upper" 20s were basically told come back later. ::SIGH::
In all honesty, I can remember just benignly looking over some adoption requirements for Eastern European countries as well as China awhile ago,before I was married... and learning some of the costs as well as some of the marriage requirements--I can remember thinking to myself..."Sheesh! I better get married to someone, anyone?soon! And "We" should start saving for this now bc by the time we have enough money for this--well our time requirement will have passed! Oh, and the wait time is so long we might be out of the range if we wait too long!" ?
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I also remember thinking.."Should I start the process NOW!? It sure seems to take a long time!"?
I agree that the age requirements, marriage time requirements etc are constricting, especially when you look at other parts of your life (I'm starting graduate school in the fall and hope to get a PhD...We'd have to be in the middle of the process during school! EEE!) ?
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