Secondary IF

How open are you about IF?

I was like an open book after i was pg.....partly because i think DD is such a marvel of science and medicine. (and i am a pretty open person in general)

I also think that if there is someone else going through something that i experienced, i would want them to know that there is someone they can talk to. 

However, when i start to undergo tx, i crawl into a hole.  I don't want anyone knowing when we are going to try for #2......and let me tell ya, everyone asks!  I feel like there is too much pressure on me.  I don't want people asking me or calling to find out how the IVF went.  I don't want work to get suspicious if i need to leave for appts.  I just told DH that we were going to do the xfer 9/4 and i am petrified that he will blab it to someone.

I wish people just wouldn't ask :P

Re: How open are you about IF?

  • Some people knew when we were trying the first time... and definitely after I was pg it was easy to tell people about it.  I am right there with you though about trying for #2 and going through treatments and not wanting people to know.  We haven't told anyone...we agreed on that.  I do wish people wouldn't ask though!  It's especially hard when my mom and sister ask...
    Daughter born July 2008; Daughter born March 2010 Son born August 2011
  • I'm pretty quiet about it.  I was more open w/my treatments and pregnancy w/Harmon but I almost feel like I need to protect the twins.   I have so many rude people asking me this time around "oh were you doing treatments" or "oooh Octomom" etc.  Now when people ask "do twins run in the family?" I just say yes.
    Mom to Harmon 1/17/08 and twins Rachel & Callum 8/28/09 Photobucket 29o0v13.jpg
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  • I got pregnant with my DS after about 4 months of trying, with no medical help.  I wanted my kids to be close together so we started trying again when DS was 7 months.  It then took a while to get help/diagnosis, so people were asking if we were tring for another one.  I had been pretty open about our timeline, so I just told people we were working on it.  No one really asked for any specifics except for my Mom who I told after about 9 months.  I don't know why I was so private about it (although I am a pretty private person) but it just felt easier to keep it to myself.  After we got our BFP, I told some people that we needed some help and answered their questions, but a lot of people I just said that we were really excited and left it at that!
  • I am right there with you! I was very open about it with DS. During my pregnancy I began to realize or rather feel that I let too many people that don't really know us that well in. I am open to talking about IF and IVF but with TTC#2 I am MUCH more private about it. Most of my friends don't even know about this third m/c, which is hard.
    It took over four years to be diagnosed with PCOS. We TTC #1 for 18 months, did 5 rounds of Clomid and finally moved onto IVF...which worked! Throughout our IF journey, we suffered 3 miscarriages. We conceived both DD and DS without treatment.
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  • I'm open with family and friends, but with others I'm more private.  With my twins I got a lot of intrusive question like Francisca mentioned so I was pretty selective about who I shared our history with.

    This time around I had planned on keeping it pretty quiet, not even telling family until/unless we got pg.  But now that my FET has been pushed backit looks like our transfer will happen right when a bunch of family is coming to visit.  So we'll end up telling them since they'll be staying with us and will definitely notice something going on (especially since I have to drive 2 hours to LA for the transfer).  On the upside, it's all the same people who were here visiting during my first IVF (my parents and my younger sister)  so maybe they're being here will actually bring good luck!

  • I am pretty private about our IF struggles, but as time has gone by, I have opened up to some of my family and close friends, and even my bosses ( I started to miscarry my last pregnancy at work).  I'm still not an open book on this topic, I think it's just too painful to have to answer constant questions.
  • I have gotten more and more private about it the longer it's taken.  We told our parents when I got my diagnosis before DS but that was just to stop the inevitable questions.  Both sets were itching for grandbabies.

    I find that people mean well but if they haven't gone through it they don't know what to say and then inevitably say the wrong thing.  They also want more info than I am comfortable sharing.  When you let people in like that you include them in such a personal journey.  No, I don't feel comfy sharing when my fertile period is and when my DH and I are humping like rabbits. 

    This is an incredibly intrusive and invasive process at the best of times, the last thing I want is other people, non medical people, either weighing in on my situation or feeling that because they know about my struggle that they are entitled to information.


  • I was pretty secretive about it in the beginning, but now since it's taking FOREVER, I have been telling people that we have issues and we are working on them w/ giving specifics.
    Audrey Elizabeth 11-11-06 image
  • Well, this is probably a stupid reason, but I am very open about it because DH wanted to be so secretive about it the first time.  I respected his wishes, but it was 18 cycles of mostly keeping it to myself with not a ton of support from him.  He was in law school and let's face it, it doesn't effect men the same way as us.  Then my dad died two weeks before my due date.  So I told DH I am not keeping any secrets this time around.  I need all the support I can get, and I want everyone who cares to know from the beginning unless, God forbid, someone else dies.

     So I have been talking it up to everyone from my grandma to my priest.

    Married 9-4-04

    ***PM me for my IF history***

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  • CMM05CMM05 member

    I'm VERY open about it. Personally, I think people who are "quiet" about it or lie about it only help the populations ignorance. We all complain about people not understanding treatments/meds, etc.......but if WE, the knowledgeable ones, don't speak up, then we only contribute to the population not "getting it."

    I just think that IF is a very common issue and I think there is nothing to be ashamed of. Some people need help growing hair or saving their teeth, so what's wrong with educating and sharing our opinions with others on our IF issues?

    ALL of my friends and family know about our struggles.....I have taught SO many friends (all of whom get PG on the first try!) about their cycles, how to get PG and about their bodies.....I enjoy educating others :)

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