How to handle punishment in these cases.....please help!

kmiimk

I am a bit conflicted about dealing with problems at daycare and could use some help.  DS#1 (3yo in May) and DS#2 (1 yo in May) go to an in-home daycare.  I have three scenarios that have happened and I have been debating about if I am handling them correctly.

1.  If DS#1 does something wrong he has to sit in time out.  This could be pushing, hitting, kicking, whatever.  When I get to daycare to pick them up and am told if they had problems, whether the day, overall was good or bad.  If the day was bad, continuous bad behavior, DS#1 does not get a car treat (he usually gets goldfish or crackers or something to snack on during the drive home).  When I do this, am I punishing him too much since he already had time out at daycare?  I would like to let him know I am not happy with his behavior, and we discuss that, so do I take the treat away?

2.  Yesterday DS#1 kicked DS#2 in the head.  No one was hurt and our provider put DS#1 in timeout and called me right away.  Although I know he is going through a bit of a jealousy phase, I want him to understand how serious his actions was.  So he got no car treat and he was not allowed to watch his favorite show last night.  He did apologize to DS#2 and hugged and kissed him as well.  Was this too much?

3.  When DS#1 is in the car and acts up, I give him a chance to correct his behavior.  If he does not, he goes to time out when we get home.  Sometimes this is 30-40 minutes after whatever he did wrong occured.  Should I be bothering with the time out?  Is it serving a purpose?  How do you guys handle this?

With all this said, DS#1 is really a great kid.  He does not get in trouble that often, so I don't want to pile on the punishment again and again if it is not necessary.  Any suggestions and help would be appreciated!

Thanks!

JLSBWG

One part of me says that time out should be enough at his age, but the other part of me says that he's three years old and taking those additional things away may help him further understand his bad behavior.  I do follow the Love and Logic for Early Childhood book and they probably would just stop at the one punishment. 

aldyn

I think it's reasonable to somehow teach DS #1 that Mom will know if he'd been bad at daycare, that there are consequences with you too.  I personally had food issues growing up, so I'd be more apt to use no TV or something rather than taking away a food related item as punishment, but overall I don't think you're being unreasonable.

molldoll71

This is my opinion but I think the one punishment is enough - the 2nd punishmenbt is happening so much later after the act was committed that it is losing any meaning. I definitely think you should talk to him about what has happened during the day and that you are unhappy.

carrie4g

I can't address DS#1 because I don't have a child his age. but for DS2, we have children the same age and I think the delay on the car seat behavior isn't productive and confusing. From what I've learned and read thus far, you want to say "no" and then distract them with something else.

shouldbeworkin

Welcome to the 3s, they're so fun! 

I think you know your child best and will know if this discipline is helping or not.  If it's not helping, try something else.  But, the behavior is still age appropriate, too.  So, I'm not sure if it's necessary to discipline afterwards for having a bad day.  I would get some books from the library about being nice to friends/siblings, playing nicely, etc.  Try to explain to him in a fun way what you expect out of him.  Talk to your DCP about what you both want to do about this behavior so that things are consistent at home and at daycare.  Having him hug/kiss his brother and say I'm sorry is a great thing to do, too.  I've had great success with informing DS about the consequences for bad behavior before it happens.  That way he can chose whether he wants to continue and go to his room or stop and have fun.  

Karibride

For DS#1 I think a punishment at home or in the car is acceptable because they understand at that age. You can tell them why they are being punished. You can explain, "Because you were naughty at school today, you have to go to time out, or you don't get to see your favorite movie tonight." I don't believe in withholding food, unless it's a treat. Snacks aren't treats to me. JMO. For DS#2, I don't believe that a later punishment is beneficial and is actually more confusing. He is not old enough to understand actions and consequences for long periods of time. It must be immediate. I think in this situation, you tell him to stop and if he doesn't then you ignore him or distract him with something else.

GonnaBMrsBell

How about turning it around and rewarding him for days when he has a good report at day care?  Maybe a special cd on the car ride home or some 1:1 time with a book when you get home?  This way he can relate the positive with his good day?  Good luck!