How as IF affected your life?

stepgirl21

Have you lost friends? jobs? Has it been difficult on your marriage?

I haven't lost friends so much as I haven't kept in touch with them save one best friend. It just got old to constantly say "no not pg yet". They don't understand what I'm going through anyway. Of course its difficult on my marriage but I think we are stronger now than we were before which is good.

caityr

Marriage-stronger

Friends-some stronger some not

Social life-not so great

Work-not sure but do not think its had an impact

Family-mine have been a godsend his, not so much, although they offered to help financially if needed...its only b/c they are so inadequate on the emotional side of things.

krissyh21

About a year ago, I had a spirt where I stopped seeing all my friends who have children, which is pretty much all of them. It just hurt to be the odd man out in all their conversations. We recently started getting back together, but it took me sharing about my struggles to get where I was coming from. For the most part, even though they don't 100% get it, they respect me and support me and it is great to have people I can lean on.

Marriage - We have had ups and downs, the worst being when we started all of this treatment versus no treatment and getting on the same page. 6 years into it, I must say we are so strong. I am not sure if we didn't go through this struggle, how strong we would have been. 

Job - It has never gotten in the way of my job, I work nights, so that helps with everything. 

futuremom2b

IF sucks, plain and simple, but thankfully my relationships with everyone has either remained the same or stronger. 

My marriage has always been strong, but this has definitely made us even stronger.

For myself, although I wish that I didn't have to go thru IF, I've realized that I'm a tougher person than I gave myself credit for. 

Friends - actually... most of my friends don't know.  The ones that do have been nothing but awesome.  IF has only really broken up 1 friendship, but that was teetering to begin with.  After they easily got pg and had their baby, that was the icing on the cake and since they were already adding stress to our life by stupid stuff, it was much easier to just distance ourselves once she got pg.  Again, it was a failing friendship to begin with, but IF is what pushed it over the edge. Sometimes I'm sad about the loss b/c we had such good times, but other times I realize that had we continued being friends, I would've been a lot more stressed out by hearing her constantly talk about the pregnancy/baby.   My other friends who are pg or have babies don't obsessively talk about it so it's never been an issue.

Job - doesn't affect my job at all.  I go in for early appts or take pto.  On occassion, I'll just come in late to work, but again, it's nothing major at all. 

 

ladychicago

i don't celebrate other people's easy pregnancies as much as i wish i could.   i have a good friend from grade school/high school who is the first one to have a kid from that group of friends...   i have only talked to her once since she called me to tell me.     but she was a first-cycle-off-BC, younger than me, married for a shorter time than me, etc. kind of pregnancy.   and it still stings.       that makes me sad.  

but my marriage is stronger.    and my friends that know have been incredibly supportive and understanding (minus a few well-intentioned by less-than-helpful comments).    i feel closer to certain family members and further away from others.   its a mixed bag.  

but i also feel that IF has made me take less for granted in my life and has forced me to be grateful for the blessings we DO have.   i will never, ever take a healthy pregnancy for granted, nor do i take for granted life's other blessings that have come easily to us (but are a struggle for others).     i also know that IF has made me more sensitive and empathetic, because i always wonder what hidden struggles the people around me are dealing with.    b/c people would probably never look at me and know the pain i carry around because of this.    you know?   

gringa78

I have a very demanding job, so the scheduling conflicts have been hard with the IUI.

As far as friends go, I haven't told very many, and people stopped asking when we were having kids after about 6 months or so.  I think they get it that something's wrong.  It doesn't stop them from blabbing on about their kids to me though.

Our marriage is stronger...going through this has shown us we can handle difficult things together, and I'm thankful for that. I know there are people out there who deal with a lot worse.

berryblndgirl

It's created more tension in our marriage at times, but in general I'd say it's brought us closer together. It's made my relationships with some of my family members more difficult because they just don't understand what I'm going through. It's brought me closer to some friends and allowed me to make some new friends.

RFBsbride

DH and I have been a complete open book to all our family and friends regarding our IF struggles.  We don't really hold anything back and we actually appreciate it when friends and family ask us questions about the whole DE process.  We've been fairly lucky in that there have been very few insensitive comments from people (although there have certainly been some!) about getting pg, but thankfully we both have thick skin and a good sense of humor so we don't let it get us down.... publicly.  Once DH and I are in private, that's when the tears flow and we start to feel sorry for ourselves.  IF has brought us so close - and we've been through so much as a couple already, not IF related - that we know nothing could ever tare us apart.

As for the job, IF is partially the reason I left my job back in September.  I was so miserable and I had many appointments to keep and when I tried to explain it to my boss (who does not have children), she told me that everyone has to make sacrifices and she could not permit me to take all that time off for doctor visits and I would have to "work something else out."  So, that was the final nail in the coffin for me, so I quit.  I've never regretted quitting because I can go to appointments at any time of day and there have been several instances where I've had to go 2 or 3 days in a row and I know my job would've never allowed that!

naflmj

It has made me a lot more cynical and bitter. It also has me second guessing just about every decision I have made that could have contributed to my IF.

I have also distanced myself from people in my life. My MIL says that there is a sadness about me, not something you want to hear. Nor do I want people to think I'm miserable.

naflmj

I realize I didn't really answer the post because I didn't read it closely enough...

 

I think my marraige is stronger than it would have otherwise been at this point, we have gone through a lot in a few years.

My friends have been great but I also give myself some space. I think it helps that none of them have kids but it also means they can't relate at all to what I am feeling.

My family doesn't know so they always ask when Im going to have kisd and I get so annoyed. My in-laws are amazingly supportive.

As for work, I think my prinicpal thinks Im the most miserable person ever. I know I was passed up for a promotion because she didn't know if I would want to take on additional responsibilityw ith everything going on in my personal life, that really stung. However, I have taken on so much at work and probably produced better because it is something I can control.

MrsRyan61804

How has it not changed my life. It has totally changed the person I am. I am no longer the fun happy person I use to be. It has taken a toll on my friendships, my relationship with Dh, and my work.

I was always the friend that threw the baby showers, and was just over the moon when my friends were pg. It has become difficult to be around them now, I have anxiety that my married friends will get pg before me, and my single friends just don't understand. 

My Dh is a great guy, I could not ask for more, but this is very hard on us. I'm sad all the time, and there is just nothing he can say or do to make it better. I want to say that we are in this together but he is only doing this for me. I think he would be able to accept it and move on if it never happened.

Our familes have been great and super supportive, but they don"t understand. We have had many fights over difference in beliefs and how far we should go for this baby.

I have a wonderful job where my bosses are so understanding and suportive, but there does come a time when having to leave early cause you can"t keep it together gets old. Especially after 5 yrs.  

IF has changed me and my life, all I can do is dream of the day that I can get back to being me and enjoying life again. I can't wait for that day!

Believer09

Oh my!  This question is so great!

My marriage is SO strong.  One of my personal beliefs is that God is certainly using this to strengthen our marriage.  We've never really had problems--but this has really allowed us to get even closer (as if it were even possible).  Also, it allows us to spend more prayer and devotion time together.

Friends--ugh!  Usually during a cycle, I lose contact with everyone after I start stimming.  It's tiring and I travel 1.5 hours to my doctor.  Plus, I commute 1 hour to work.  So, from the doctor to my job is 2.5 hours.  I really don't have time to chit chat during a cycle.  It's also hard because we're that couple that EVERYONE wants to see have kids---I think it is because we are such a visibly happy couple.  We are CONSTANTLY being asked WHY we don't have kids (questions like "what are you waiting on" or "I can't wait for you two to have babies" or "you better have them now before you can't later on").  Ugh!  So, sometimes I go into a "shell" and hide for a while.  My friends tease me but I blame it on work---which makes it easier for me to also blame my work as the reason we don't have kids yet.

My job is great.  It's flexible.  So, sometimes they aren't even aware that I have doctor's appointments.  I've really gone through one full cycle without taking any days off besides the transfer days (bedrest)...and I blamed that on a cold.