Babysitting does not make you a mom

iris427

Sorry.  You may think you know what you're in for because you nannied or helped raise younger siblings or have stepkids, but you don't.  When it's your own kid, it's a totally different game.  Not to mention, each child is a unique human being.

And being pregnant does not make you a mom.  You are a mom-to-be, you are in transition to becoming a mother.  But it's really not the same.

AliciaSpring

You are entitled to your opinion, I am mine. I will just agree to disagree with you.

mamamoos

ya gotta admit that someone who has been around babies/young children has an advantage over someone who has never even held a baby before.  i would have been clueless if not for the fact that i have 6 cousins under the age of 10.  i definitely didn't know it all, but man was it a great jumping off point.

orleyl

Your baby is so cute!

Shananah

Ha!   I still play waaay too much xbox to call myself a Mom.   Cute baby!

iris427

mamamoos:

ya gotta admit that someone who has been around babies/young children has an advantage over someone who has never even held a baby before.  i would have been clueless if not for the fact that i have 6 cousins under the age of 10.  i definitely didn't know it all, but man was it a great jumping off point.

Of course.  But it's still not the same.

I'm just saying that those of you who think it is may be in for a real shock when you bring your bundle of joy home.

addison_clark

Sure, a pregnant person is not as experienced as a mom with a kid already.  But the motherly instincts can kick in while you are pg.  You make decisions based on your unborn child and most importantly you can love that baby without ever having met it.  Kinda silly to argue on exactly when you become a mom.  As soon as the baby pops out, or after you have figured out how to parent your "unique human being", regardless, it is your child and you can call yourself mom whenere you feel like it!

Based on your argument, a mom of a 1 year old isnt as much of a mom as a mom of a 2 year old and so on.  Guess we're all just moms in training.

alli&pat

iris427:

And being pregnant does not make you a mom.  You are a mom-to-be, you are in transition to becoming a mother.  But it's really not the same.

just playing devil's advocate - what about a woman who was pregnant and delivered a stillborn child or a child that died shortly after birth - would you tell her that she was not/never a mother? 

MrsF2007

Wow. Ok. I don't have a part of where your thoughts are coming from but I will say that throughout high school and college I babysat weekly and throughout grad school I nannied for 3 years 45+hours/wk (in addition to having a full course load). I by no means believe that I am or will be more of a mother or a better mother for that matter. I do however think I will have a leg up on others who have very little if any experience. I do have a lot of experience and I think that will help me immensely as a mother. I am not sayint that I will not face my own set of challenges but no offense, mothers who already have a child may have another child that will "shock" them because they may be different than the first born in disposition. I think I'll be able to hold my own, thanks. That said, although I do consider myself a "mom-to-be" I think you have no right saying who has a right to consider themself a mother or mother-to-be at this stage while pregnant.

lady saw

OP , please put down the crack pipe and take advantage of your mental health benefits. 

Why don't you go Gold on a board who cares?

iris427

alli&pat:

iris427:

And being pregnant does not make you a mom.  You are a mom-to-be, you are in transition to becoming a mother.  But it's really not the same.

just playing devil's advocate - what about a woman who was pregnant and delivered a stillborn child or a child that died shortly after birth - would you tell her that she was not/never a mother? 

No, I wouldn't.

But being pregnant is very different than raising a child outside of your body.

MrsBeckO

Wow. What a condescending post. Every post I remember from you before now has been helpful, WTH happened that made you post this??

Personally, I do consider myself a mother at this stage. Also, I have been a nanny for 6+ years and consider myself pretty well prepared for a lot of what will be thrown my way, though I know things will change when the child I am caring for is my own (and I am sleep-deprived). ?

MrsF2007

By the way, there are plenty of girls on this board who write letters as a coping strategy to their unborn or even miscarried children. Do they not consider themselves mothers!? Clearly they do. You might want to step off of that high horse you have yourself on.

otherhalf

MrsBeckO:

Wow. What a condescending post. Every post I remember from you before now has been helpful, WTH happened that made you post this?  

 

I would say hormones, but that hasn't made all the rest of us completely condescending!

 However you feel, there are ways to express it, if necessary, using a tactful approach!

otherhalf

iris427:

I'm just saying that those of you who think it is may be in for a real shock when you bring your bundle of joy home.

 

So, since your DD isn't a teenager, does that make a mom of a teen MORE of a mom? 

BananaHammock

AliciaSpring:

You are entitled to your opinion, I am mine. I will just agree to disagree with you.

You're living in a dream world. 

BananaHammock

Feeling like a mom, motherly instincts, being pregnant does not equal mom.

When you have your baby and it leaves your body or you adopt a baby you are a mom. 

Rachel2315

I wasn't going to answer this at all. ?I don't post on here much and really didn't want to get all caught up in the drama.

No, I guess I'm not a mom. ?I have taken care of many babies, whether it be my old college jobs or my niece. ?However, I guess I do find this post insulting to those of us who have lost a baby, no matter how far along that pregnancy was. ?I know that I never rocked that baby to sleep or kissed its skinned knees. ?But I loved that baby fiercely in the most motherly way possible. ??

Lucky428

Rachel2315:

However, I guess I do find this post insulting to those of us who have lost a baby, no matter how far along that pregnancy was.  I know that I never rocked that baby to sleep or kissed its skinned knees.  But I loved that baby fiercely in the most motherly way possible.   

Amen

.completely.amazing.love.

alli&pat:

iris427:

And being pregnant does not make you a mom.  You are a mom-to-be, you are in transition to becoming a mother.  But it's really not the same.

just playing devil's advocate - what about a woman who was pregnant and delivered a stillborn child or a child that died shortly after birth - would you tell her that she was not/never a mother? 

Exactly! I carried my baby for 31 weeks. I loved her & cared for her for all those months. I am probably more of a "mother" then some women who have given birth & don't know how to take care of their kids. I think all this "you have to give birth and care for a baby to be a mother" crap is a bunch of BS!

Satori426

iris427:

Sorry.  You may think you know what you're in for because you nannied or helped raise younger siblings or have stepkids, but you don't. 

 I've been married for a year and with my husband for three and I've raised his children with him for the last three years. They were 2, 8 and 11 when I met them... I guarantee I've done everything for them that any biological mother would do, I guarantee that because I do more than their mother does on a daily basis. 

Whether you may love your own child differently than step children has nothing to do with the type of parent you are. I definately am a mom and really don;t understand how you can say what you did...

Milly's_mama

i definately think having experience with babies gives u an upper hand when giving birth and knowing how to do those things you need to do. and a mother is still a mother even if shes had a still born or a child thats alive. The only difference between a pergnant woman and one who has given birth is the amount of worry that comes after giving birth...your exponentially more stressed out over the child once its here, instead of in there...youll see. they say the worry doesnt stop untill your dead...woo hoo haha im sure ill be worrying even then!

blb2005

OP.  I'm sorry, but what a stupid statement.  I'm not sure what your point is but its pretty dumb whatever it is. 

Oh, and just one question.....What about those who adopt...I suppose they aren't "mom's" either?  

 What is your point anyway?

sam19

You mean I didn't become a mom at 13 then? When I babysat, the little jerk would grab onto my hair so I would pull on his back a little harder. This is normal mom behavior, isn't it? Wow I just realized that I was an awful 13 yr old babysitter.

.completely.amazing.love.

Satori426:

iris427:

Sorry.  You may think you know what you're in for because you nannied or helped raise younger siblings or have stepkids, but you don't. 

 I've been married for a year and with my husband for three and I've raised his children with him for the last three years. They were 2, 8 and 11 when I met them... I guarantee I've done everything for them that any biological mother would do, I guarantee that because I do more than their mother does on a daily basis. 

Whether you may love your own child differently than step children has nothing to do with the type of parent you are. I definately am a mom and really don;t understand how you can say what you did...

I totally agree. I have been with my husband since my stepson was 2 and a half. I consider him one of my own and I most def. am a mother to him!

Samantha82

It may not give you the title of mom, but you cannot discount people's life experiences and how it would impact them in the future.

For instance my mom died when I was 15 and my brother was 9.  My dad work 60 hours a week just so we could keep our house and health insurance after the loss of my mom's income.  I basically took over at home and for all purposes raised my brother.  I know what it's like to come home after a long day (even though it was high school) have to be there when he got home on the bus, entertain him, put dinner on the table, do the laundry, drive him to his school functions, etc.  As we got older I continued to be a parental figure for him (teaching him how to do laundry, helping him with college decisions, attending school parent days, etc).

While I would never call myself his mother, you cannot say that I have not had any experience in raising a child. I have.  And I have "motherly" instinct towards him to this day because of it.  I'm sure I will feel very differently towards my own children, but I can use my past experiences to help me in the future and they will definietly shape my future actions/decisions.

EricsWife2005

iris427:

alli&pat:

iris427:

And being pregnant does not make you a mom.  You are a mom-to-be, you are in transition to becoming a mother.  But it's really not the same.

just playing devil's advocate - what about a woman who was pregnant and delivered a stillborn child or a child that died shortly after birth - would you tell her that she was not/never a mother? 

No, I wouldn't.

But being pregnant is very different than raising a child outside of your body.

The woman whose child didn't live would not have had the chance to raise her child. This makes her no less of a mother.  Your post is ridiculous. The real question is, what happened to make you post this crap and why are your panties in such a wad?

Traycee1242

Wow, so because you've been a Mom now for a whole 5 months you're suddenly an expert??? You've got it all figured out huh?

Well, I've nannied for 12 years and this is my first... and I will tell you I have enough experience to laugh at you because you have a LOT of mothering ahead of you before you can get on your high horse and post about "babysitting does not make you a Mom"

 

BabyBowensMommy

This post just really pisses me off! I understand that we might not be experienced...but as a person that has suffered a miscarriage...and has friends that has lost children... I believe we are moms. I'm a mommy to angel in heaven. I think you need to step off your high horse!

 

lilyputtin

At least with all my childcare experience I know not to put the diaper on the babies head or the bottle in the wrong hole. By the way are you a psychologist because if not should you be telling people how to act and what they are based on your experience? it's kinda like being a babysitter isnt it you can only know so much? maybe you shouldnt comment on things you don't know about and we will not comment on parenting issues we don't know about. deal?

Mattersgirl

Rachel2315:

....  However, I guess I do find this post insulting to those of us who have lost a baby, no matter how far along that pregnancy was.  I know that I never rocked that baby to sleep or kissed its skinned knees.  But I loved that baby fiercely in the most motherly way possible.   

 

Well said Rachel. This posts makes me sad for all those Mommy's who've lost a piece of them. Who are we to qualify a mother??

Cassidy&Jeff

Traycee1242:

 

Wow, so because you've been a Mom now for a whole 5 months you're suddenly an expert???   You've got it all figured out huh?

Well, I've nannied for 12 years and this is my first... and I will tell you I have enough experience to laugh at you because you have a LOT of mothering ahead of you before you can get on your high horse and post about "babysitting does not make you a Mom"

 

That's what I was thinking.

msmrisk

While everyone has free reign to their own opinion, no one has the right to dish out judgment on how and when a person becomes a mother.