How do you decide?? (long! kinda a BOTB question)

Ciarrai

Ok, yes, this is totally a BOTB question, but how do you decide when you're ready to get PG and/or have a baby?  Yes, I know I'm a mom of two and should probably know this, but we have two "surprises".  Well, DD#1 was a true "oops" in that we were actively TTP.  DD#2 was more of a surprise.  I only had one AF between them and we hadn't gotten around to buying more condoms.  We knew it could happen with both of them but it wasn't like a conscious decision to TTC.  Here I am thinking about #3 and feeling totally overwhelmed.  I kinda liked not having to decide, I guess.  I just feel like DD#2 is still my baby and my life is hard enough.  At least one or both of them was sick for the past month.  Going to the grocery store or anywhere is a huge ordeal.  I can't imagine being PG right now and dealing with all that first trimester exhaustion and nausea while running around after a 1 and 3 year old.  BUT I really wanted my kids close together in age and always wanted three.  I don't feel done yet or like our family is complete yet.  If I got PG right now, DD#2 would be almost 2 before the next one came and would have started preschool with DD#1.  It's just so scary and hard to decide... 

Oh and I only have two months right now to either get PG or wait until next year basically.  I'm self-employed and have to take about four months off when I have a baby (two months before and two after my EDD).  Winter being my slowest season, I can do that a lot easier than giving up four months of income in the middle of my busy season.  I really really don't want to wait the extra year in my heart, but my head says we're not ready.  Then again, are you ever ready?  Ugh!!  So how do you decide??

vtgirl

We knew we were ready when we started to realize that dd needed a playmate and we wanted another little one in the house. We wanted about 3 years between them for a few different reasons. I think the real question you need to ask yourself (and your DH) is if you feel ready to have 3 kids under the age of 4. If you think so, go for it in the next month or two- if not maybe hold off until next year and revisit your feelings. GL with your decision!

august0605bride

I don't know. ?BUT I do think that yours were sort of planed-- you know what I mean? ?You decided you were ready for an "oops" and got lax about BC. ?My mom always said that my brother (her 3rd baby born 19 months after her 2nd) was a surprise, but she didn't put in her diaphragm-- not a lot of surprise there. ?Maybe you can just decide you're ready to be lax again

shopgirl78

I feel this way too:

 I can't imagine being PG right now and dealing with all that first trimester exhaustion and nausea while running around after a 1 and 3 year old. BUT I really wanted my kids close together in age and always wanted three. I don't feel done yet or like our family is complete yet.

MH, aka the jerk, it's just not happening right now....okay that's about me.

Really, I think you will just have to go for it or stop preventing.   I think there is always going to be a reason hold off another child, weddings, work, money, etc...In the end, I don't think you regret children but just the ones you don't have.  I am a true optomist though and always have visions of things just working out in the end....

Ciarrai

august0605bride:

I don't know.  BUT I do think that yours were sort of planed-- you know what I mean?  You decided you were ready for an "oops" and got lax about BC.  My mom always said that my brother (her 3rd baby born 19 months after her 2nd) was a surprise, but she didn't put in her diaphragm-- not a lot of surprise there.  Maybe you can just decide you're ready to be lax again

 

Kinda.  That's why I said they were "surprises".  With DD#1, we really were TTP (using condoms).  With DD#2, we just hadn't gotten around to thinking about it and decided if it happened before we got around to it, that was fine with us.  We knew it was a possibility, of course.  But we didn't really think about it or anything.  If we decided we were ready for another, we would just stop preventing and see what happens.  It's the thinking about it that scares me.  I do better with the not thinking and am always happy (after I'm done freaking out) when I get PG.  But now it's like we actually have to make a conscious decision about it rather than just not thinking about it and that intimidates me.

dawnc78

I have 2 and watch someone else's baby...I was asking myself this same question b4 I started watching Lilly...now, I  KNOW that I want to wait...if I decide to have #3 it will be when DS is older...having 3 2yrs apart each is CRAZY HARD!!! and I only have the baby during the day...8-3 or 4