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What are your plans for telling your child about his/her adoption, and honoring his/her birth cultur
We meet with the SW next week, and I this is one of the parts of the autobio we're trying to hash out.
Our plan: tell them from day 1, "Mommy and Daddy love you, you grew in our hearts." Age-appropriate adoption books in addition to the Cat in the Hat type staple children's stories. Belong to an adoptive parents group and take them to G2Gs. take them to Ethiopian cultural events, and tell them this is the culture of the country where they were born. If we can't go to Ethiopia to get them, go back there on vacation when they're old enough to appreciate it.
Help me out with more suggestions.
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Re: What are your plans for telling your child about his/her adoption, and honoring his/her birth cultur
For us, we plan on telling them their "arrival" story. You know like every so often tell them how nervous we were when we got the call. How we could not wait for them to come live with us. How happy we were to meet them, etc.
I talk openly about so many things with my son, that I know it will become just part of our language.
I think what you have listed is great
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I like what you have listed and also what pp said
When I was little we (my sibs and I) loved looking at pictures of when we were babies. I'm including pics of DH and I signing papers and clippings of our agency promo stuff in our child's scrapbook and will also have pics from the the airport and orphange.
We're also thinking of giving an annual donation to the orphange on the anniversary of our adopion (gotcha day) every year so we'll have a special piggy bank that we're always filling up and it will give us a chance not only to talk about all the wonderful people who cared for our child while we were waiting to come and meet him or her but also a teachable moment that's not adoption related in just giving our child a chance to be part of giving something to someone else who doesn't have.
Sounds like you already have a really great plan! And it's great that you are going to help keep your kids involved in their culture.
I don't have any additional suggestions for you really, more just some thoughts from my own experience. My brother and I are both adopted, and I don't remember how my parents told us, but I feel like we always just knew and it wasn't a big deal. My parents were always open about it and when we were old enough they shared with each of us what they knew about our birth mothers. Talk about the adoption with your kids and let them know how special they are because you picked them out from all the kids in the world
I was adopted as a baby, and have always been grateful my parents were always up front out it with me. As long as I can remeber I always felt special, and wanted. They let me know how long they had waited for me, and how much they loved me before they had even met me. My mother would always tell me the story about when she got the call and knew there was a baby waiting for her, and how excited my father was.
When I was 9 my parents took me back to visit the hospital I was born at, and showed me all of my adoption paper.
To me it was important that they were open and honest, and I believe because of this I never had issues with being adopted.
I also love the donation idea!
A good friend of mine (and fellow adoptive mom) has a homemade book for each of her kids. It's like a scrapbook in a binder where she keeps ALL info/communication with her kids' bio families. She puts a copy of all the updates and pictures they've sent, as well as anything received from the bio families. She keeps it in their living room where the kids can reach them, and she said recently that her son (3) went over to pick up his book on his own and asked his mom all about it. She said it brought tears to her eyes! I keep meaning to make something like this for DD.
What I have done so far (keep in mind, she's only 14 mo. old
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- I started a journal before she was born where I write EVERYTHING I can remember about her adoption story. I started it from the time we got the call and will continue writing probably until I run out of space.
I plan to give this to her when she's older, possibly for a "milestone" birthday or something... not sure yet when.
- I bought a pretty box that I keep in the top of her closet for all memory type things to go in... u/s pics her bio mom gave us, pics of her bio family, letters and cards they've sent her, little momentos from the hospital where she was born, etc. Someday I'll get this box organized, but for now I at least have a place to dump it all so it doesn't get lost or thrown out accidentally.
- We have a framed picture of DD being held by her bio mom on the day after she was born. This is in her room, and even though she doesn't understand yet, sometimes we'll talk about who that is, tell her about when she was born, etc.
- Adoption-related children's literature
As far as int'l -- A family we know adopted their DD from Guatemala last year, and they have done things like have her picture taken in a traditional dress from Guat., and have their DD's ears pierced b/c I guess that is a huge deal in their culture and their DD's bio mom didn't have the money to have it done, so they wanted to do it to honor her. I've heard of families doing like "theme" nights with dinner being traditional food from their child's birth country. Providing your child with the opportunity to visit their birth country I think is really important if it's at all possible.
We plan to tell our child from the beginning, too. We are also going to have a "life book" that we are going to keep to document pictures and the process (will update with more info/age appropriate info as they grow). Will treat book just like other books; will read it to them and let them look at the pictures. I'm also keeping a diary where I write about all kinds of concerns and thoughts throughout the process for our child to have when he/she is an adult.
I think all the stuff you have listed is perfect, though. You might also look into cultural toys (like dolls, etc), celebrating holidays or events popular in Ethiopian culture.
Hope this helps!
Erica
My parents told us (my brother sister and I ) our adoption/arrival story every year from our 2nd birthday on, so I grew up knowing I was adopted. I started really embracing my irish culture as I grew older.
However, with my open adoptions (2) that I've placed children in they did about the same thing which is awesome because when my current husband and I went and visited last month and the triplets were asking about when I was preg with them. (like what they did, kick, and what they liked when I ate it!) Its an awesome thing open adoption is!