2nd Pregnancy- Grief over change

yogi-mama-sierra

Im currently 10w with my 2nd pregnancy. I always planned on two kids, at least, but never wanted two in diapers. I was also very attached to my first baby while she was a baby(we nursed for 4.5 years and still co-sleep occasional nights(she’s 6). I also knew I wanted her in school full-time, so I could have a chance to bond 1-1 with a new baby the same way. I’m not sure what happened but a gap that should have been 4-5 years is looking more like 7-8. And that’s okay! But I realize I was dragging my feet and the time was passing from under me and I’m not sure where it went! Wasn’t my 1st just 3 moments ago? How is she almost 7? Why does that feel so old to me? Why does 7 years suddenly feel so long when it went by so fast? Anyways, what’s getting to me is knowing I will grieve over this change, and how to navigate that. I feel grief over my daughters only-child-era ending(even though she’s been waiting on me to make this baby), grief over the current time freedoms I’ve gained from my 1st getting older, grief over our freedom as a family(we are very active + adventurous), grief over our relationship with  our daughter as it will surely change. Just general grief over how it is now + how it won’t ever be the same again. I also feel like maybe I’m taking something away from my daughter by giving her a sibling, even though it was always the plan. And starting all over suddenly feels so daunting. Do we have the time? When I got that positive test I was expecting to feel joy but I surprised myself by crying for 2 days until I processed it. Has anybody else felt unexpected and unexplained grief over “what currently is” during their 2nd or subsequent pregnancies? How did you navigate that?

lexilougolden

I'm definitely anxious about the typical things you hear about.  Not having as much time with the first,  having the first be jealous. I'm sad that I won't be there to witness as much with my toddler because I'll be occupied with the baby. 

theneno1012

Totally know what you mean. We felt very done and like our family was complete with 2 and so when we got surprised with this pregnancy it took me a little while to move through some difficult feelings. Let yourself feel it and when you come out the other side there will be joy and excitement 

theneno1012

Oh and another thing that helped me was starting to tell family and close friends. It helped me come to terms with it and seeing the excitement from others has helped me find it in myself 

beesgirls

My biggest thing is that I won’t have the same newborn experience with my second. I’m excited for my first baby to have a sibling but I know that the way that we bond will be different than how it was with my oldest. I’ve heard people say that they expected to be able to do things the same with the second but it’s just so different (like breastfeeding etc). You have two to give attention to after your first has always had your full attention. I’m excited that they’ll have each other to play with as they grow up though! 

annabanana051416

I agree with what others have said, I think it’s important to feel those emotions and let yourself grieve while at the same time knowing that you will find a new normal and you are giving your oldest the gift of a sibling,  not taking anything away. I think there are pros and cons of having kids close together vs farther apart but I can imagine that getting out of the baby stage and getting used to more independence would be one of the hardest parts of having children more spaced out. That is one of the reasons we had kids closer together, to get through all of the baby stage before we got used to being out of it haha.

sph97

I worry about the time I’ll have to devote my second. I had so much time with my first, and now I’ll be juggling two! I’m sure breastfeeding will be more challenging this time around just because I’ll be chasing a toddler as well. And I have guilt because my toddler is my best friend and the biggest Mama’s boy, it’s gonna be tough sharing!