Trying really hard not to resent my husband today. He leaves for another trip on Tuesday (through next Saturday), and this past week he had to go in to the office an hour away for meetings for 2.5 days, so he was gone a LOT (like two of the days he wasn't home until after bedtime). So what's he up to today? There's an AAU basketball tournament in town so he went to go watch games with some coaching buddies from mid-morning through mid-afternoon. I spent a good 20 minutes with a box decorated like Cruz Ramirez on my head (thankfully hiding my hormonal angry crying) and occasionally making her say things in my accidentally-racist Cruz voice (I had never seen Cars 3 and all I knew was her name is CRUZ RAMIREZ so I assumed Disney would give her an accent and so I did too...yeah no, no accent, it's just me sounding like Sofia Vergara while making sure no one else hears me) while my daughter played "car wash" and "cleaned" me with her mop and dusting wand. I love hanging out with my daughter, genuinely. But I did a lot of solo parenting last week and will be this week too. I know his week at work was rough, so I'm trying to be understanding, but I think after almost four years he still doesn't really see what I do as *work* or get the mental load of being a stay at home parent. (The closest we came was when both my daughter and I had COVID -- he isolated for the first two days, which of course included the 18 hours I felt like I got hit by a truck, and then took over care for her after that while I was still testing positive so I was basically locked in our room 24 hours a day for the next four days -- after that he was like "yeah, new appreciation for what you do".) Solo parenting a preschooler is HARD. I wouldn't trade her for anything, but dude...going off to hang with your buddies while I stay home, between weeks of minimal parenting effort on your part? Oof.
@ki1244 does he give you breaks at all? My husband takes the kids solo a lot so I can get regular breaks. I get worn out and then I have less patience when I’m parenting
@ki1244 verbalize this to him in a loving way not blaming way and have him watch your daughter while you go get a prenatal massage or a facial or a pedicure something relaxing I feel you though! I haven’t done the get away to a pampering thing but I will soon hopefully, what I’ve done to ask for breaks is have my husband take our son to the park while I stay home and just relax or he watches him in a separate part of the apartment while I workout in our room to upbeat music and then take a super long relaxing shower.
@emeraldcity603@slothstatus bahahahahaha breaks? Ok. He rolled in at 4:30 today (2 hours after we had expected he'd come home, because he watched an extra game and a half beyond what he initially said he wanted to see -- he did call to let me know he would be later, but I wasn't about to have it out on the phone with my daughter listening in) and after I made it pretty clear I was annoyed, he was like "Want me to tap in so you can go do something on your own?" As though I could actually go anywhere worthwhile in the 45 minutes between getting myself public-worthy and when I'd need to start getting dinner ready. So I made cookies and dinked on my phone for a few minutes, and that was my break. (This, too, was after having some rough Braxton Hicks this morning and laying down for 20 minutes in our bed, before he called back to our room to tell me if I was just scrolling Facebook, he would rather have me up in the living room with them so we could "have some family time before my games"...I nearly throat-punched him for that.) To be fair, we had our monthly Daddy-Daughter Date Night on Thursday, when I went out with my dad while he got takeout with our daughter, so that was a break too I guess, although he left their dishes for me to do when I got home that night (per usual). I don't like complaining too much, because he does work hard to provide for us in such a way that I *can* stay home, and he does give me a lot of the credit for raising our daughter well. But I also don't think he really understands how exhausting, physically AND mentally, it can be, especially when he's gone. Yes, it's a work trip, and yes, it's to San Francisco so good luck not getting the rental car window bashed in or whatever -- he still gets to sleep without a monitor next to his head.
Sigh. Thanks for letting me unload. I've been married to him for almost 10 years, this isn't really a surprise nor is it anything I'm expecting to change, and it isn't a deal breaker or anything for me. It's just irritating, but I don't like speaking ill of him to anyone who actually knows him -- just doesn't feel right as a wife to tear down rather than build up. But hey, this is the internet and none of you know him so HAHAHAHA I have a loophole.
@ki1244 I would be booking a massage or something with a “me” appt next weekend and letting him know I won’t be available 😁 get some coffee, go to target, and enjoy yourself. You deserve a break.
The lights were out last night and me and my best friend went out and chased them. We started at 10 and didn’t get home until after 1. It was also much colder than I prepared for. So I didn’t have gloves, hat, or snow pants. I didn’t know why my ears, face, and fingers hurt so bad until we got back to the car and realized we were out on on a mountain overlook for nearly 2 hours….oops. Anyways, they were amazing!
I’m reclined on the couch enjoying feeling nonstop movement from baby boy who is apparently doing some serious gymnastics right now. After my losses, I cannot get enough of this feeling. 💙💙
@ki1244 thank you for sharing this! I feel for you. I know you’re not asking for advice but I do have one suggestion. Do you and DH have a weekly check-in meeting? We started implementing this about a year ago and it really helps get the resentment under control (and the inconsiderate actions from both parties). It would also help you avoid surprise plans or give you a place to talk about them. Here’s the article that we read that led to our meeting and it’s agenda: https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/family/how-and-why-to-hold-a-weekly-marriage-meeting/
Aside from that, you totally deserve a real break especially on the weekends. Your husband has a job and he gets time off (even eating lunch during the workday counts as time off since for you, eating lunch with your daughter is actually part of your job and is not always relaxing!) and you need time off too. What would meaningful time off look like? Are there concrete things you can put in a list that DH can see?
I struggle so so much with telling DH that I need a break — a meaningful one! But the few times I’ve been direct it’s been amazing. And I’m going to try to do more of it! For example this last weekend DH had a friend in town and we were all going to go somewhere to meet up with him (DS included). I was not feeling up to it and really just wanted to stay home. I told DH that maybe he could just take DS to the event and I could take a break, and he said yes and was glad I did it. It was amazing. Again, it’s not easy for a variety of reasons, but it pays off.
@ccmrc143 that's great advice. Thanks for sharing it all! We used to do a bi-annual "State of the Marriage" dinner where we would both be very intentional about bringing both things that have been going really well or that we appreciate, and things that we wanted to see change. That was on the suggestion of our pastor at premarital counseling and it was really great advice -- helped us keep from "keeping score" and made sure that real issues were discussed and things that weren't as big of a deal kind of just got forgotten. Buuuut then a kid happened and those dinners disappeared, which is probably when we needed it most. I'll take a look at that article and see about implementing something like that! I think it would really help us -- I know I do things that drive him nuts too, and having a time set aside for us as spouses rather than co-parents is definitely something we're missing. Thank you. ❤️
I did my glucose screening today. Those drinks aren’t as bad as I thought they would be. They tastes like my childhood growing up and stopping at the store after school and buying them for $.25 🤣
@lmn823 yessssss! Everyone had been saying how awful it was last time, but when I drank it I was like "well that was tasty, can I have another?" To be fair, too, the night before I had forgotten about my screening and had three 24-oz Shirley temples at a sports bar while watching my husband's team on TV, and still wound up with a really low screen number. I told my OB about it and she just shook her head and was like "Good god, woman" but I still think I was just priming the pump.
Any other moms still own cream/white clothing? 😂 I’m doing some decluttering seeing what I want to donate, throw away, or try to sell and I have a few cute pants and outfits in cream or white and I love those colors but I definitely don’t wear bottoms in those colors anymore because #motherhood.
@slothstatus I didn’t see them for the first time until last year and I have lived here since 2019. Most of the time when you look at them they look like a shear cloud with no color. The KP index was super high the other night and I was able to see some green and purple with my naked eye. The camera turns it bright green. I didn’t know that when I moved here. I was riding through the mountain passes at midnight one night and it was zero degrees with a clear sky. I asked my husband why I couldn’t see the lights?! That it wasn’t fair. He looked up and said, “they are right there.” 🤦🏻♀️ Now, I can look up and tell what I’m looking at but it just looked like a regular cloud the first time I saw them.
Next glucose test is on Monday at 9am and they said to fast in the morning not even water and sit there for three hours then they take blood. And same blood work they took they told me I’m anemic my red blood count is low so now I’m going to be taking iron pills. 😐
@lmn823 Wow, a double whammy. I’m sorry you failed the glucose test. Hopefully you pass the 3 hour. I have been wondering if I’m anemic. I may see if they will draw some blood at my next appointment.
@lmn823 bummer!! Did they test your magnesium and copper levels as well? Sometimes it’ll show up as low iron when really you have enough iron, you just don’t have enough magnesium and copper to use the iron.
Does anyone watch love is blind? I’ve gotten sucked in after seeing 15 million TikToks about it. I’m on like episode 4 and I have thoughts😂😂
@justyouraveragemama no it looks like the only tested me for red and white blood cell counts but not specifically iron or even magnesium etc. my sister was telling me how she took iron pills her pregnancy and then became super constipated and then had to take stool softener. I just don’t want to be taking one thing after another after another. I’m already taking aspirin because I’m over 35 and all the OBs here suggest it
@lmn823 that sucks! Fwiw I've been on an iron supplement for a month now and was totally bracing for the constipation...but it never came. Tmi but my poop did change color a bit and smells to high heaven, but it's still happening normally. Actually I forgot I had laced my daughter's juice with Miralax the other day and took a swig (new flavor of juice and she didn't like it so I had some to see why) and the last two days it's been just a soft mess. So if you do have constipation, turns out that stuff is cheap and requires like not even half a dose to get it unstopped.
@lmn823 I was going to say, I became super blocked up when I had to take iron supplements with my first. But constipation had already been an early pregnancy symptom for me, so it was probably a me thing. I tried Metamucil to help but wasn’t a huge fan.
@justyouraveragemama YES to love is blind 😂 I have so many thoughts when you’re ready 😂 🤣
@pickle-chips yep me too my first trimester I was so blocked it was awful and drove me crazy. I don’t know I really don’t want to take iron pills I’m actually regular right now and don’t need to be going through that. I just don’t know how much iron I need to intake like can I eat enough iron vs taking iron pills hmmm
Constipation…ugh. I’m okay sometimes and then it’s not. I can’t gauge when to take anything for it because I don’t want the opposite issue. I had the same issue with my last pregnancy.
@justyouraveragemama yes to Love Is Blind! I have not watched the new season yet though. If you like that you may also like Married at First Sight. My day job requires a lot of brain power so I enjoy mindless reality tv dramas. LoL.
I cannot stand Irina, she is so rude for like no reason😅 I don’t know how Zack was like oh yeah, I want to marry her. AND SHE FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY😂 also not sure how Micah had TWO men obsessing over her. Maybe it was editing but she seemed like she has no personality and like wasn’t enjoying herself on any of the dates. She also has that mean girl vibe about herself and if Irina is your best friend on the show, that says a lot🙃 I do really like Tiffany and Chelsea though, I want to be their friend, they seem fun and actually more mature than everyone else😂
Re: April Randoms
I feel you though! I haven’t done the get away to a pampering thing but I will soon hopefully, what I’ve done to ask for breaks is have my husband take our son to the park while I stay home and just relax or he watches him in a separate part of the apartment while I workout in our room to upbeat music and then take a super long relaxing shower.
Sigh. Thanks for letting me unload. I've been married to him for almost 10 years, this isn't really a surprise nor is it anything I'm expecting to change, and it isn't a deal breaker or anything for me. It's just irritating, but I don't like speaking ill of him to anyone who actually knows him -- just doesn't feel right as a wife to tear down rather than build up. But hey, this is the internet and none of you know him so HAHAHAHA I have a loophole.
I’m reclined on the couch enjoying feeling nonstop movement from baby boy who is apparently doing some serious gymnastics right now. After my losses, I cannot get enough of this feeling. 💙💙
Aside from that, you totally deserve a real break especially on the weekends. Your husband has a job and he gets time off (even eating lunch during the workday counts as time off since for you, eating lunch with your daughter is actually part of your job and is not always relaxing!) and you need time off too. What would meaningful time off look like? Are there concrete things you can put in a list that DH can see?
@ccmrc143 that's great advice. Thanks for sharing it all! We used to do a bi-annual "State of the Marriage" dinner where we would both be very intentional about bringing both things that have been going really well or that we appreciate, and things that we wanted to see change. That was on the suggestion of our pastor at premarital counseling and it was really great advice -- helped us keep from "keeping score" and made sure that real issues were discussed and things that weren't as big of a deal kind of just got forgotten. Buuuut then a kid happened and those dinners disappeared, which is probably when we needed it most. I'll take a look at that article and see about implementing something like that! I think it would really help us -- I know I do things that drive him nuts too, and having a time set aside for us as spouses rather than co-parents is definitely something we're missing. Thank you. ❤️
I’m doing some decluttering seeing what I want to donate, throw away, or try to sell and I have a few cute pants and outfits in cream or white and I love those colors but I definitely don’t wear bottoms in those colors anymore because #motherhood.
btw beautiful pictures I’ve always wanted to see those lights, hopefully one day!
@justyouraveragemama YES to love is blind 😂 I have so many thoughts when you’re ready 😂 🤣
@justyouraveragemama yes to Love Is Blind! I have not watched the new season yet though. If you like that you may also like Married at First Sight. My day job requires a lot of brain power so I enjoy mindless reality tv dramas. LoL.