Randoms w/o 11/28

kalesix3

Tuesday is the new Monday for starting threads 😅 what's up everyone? 

kalesix3

I scheduled my anatomy scan 🥳 it's not till January because MFM won't even try to do an anatomy scan before twenty weeks but having it on the books is a good feeling! 

peyts228

Have any other working mamas decided when to disclose at work? My workplace (a university) closes entirely from Dec 17 - Jan 2. Ideally I'd like to tell my immediate team before the closure, but I don't have my NT/viability scan until Dec 22. Feeling torn about whether to wait until January or not. (I'm also barely hiding my STM bump lol.)

francesgs

Anyone else already looking 20 weeks pregnant? I’m not going to be able to hide this for very much longer.. thank goodness for cold weather so I can wear baggy sweaters 

peyts228

@francesgs same over here... Already fully in maternity pants, getting real creative with layers on top!

kalesix3

@francesgs not quite 20 weeks but there's no hiding my bump at this point. I start showing so early and it would be miserable trying to hide it. I hope time flies till you don't have to hide yours anymore 🙌🏻 

potato3000

I got to hear baby's heartbeat around 170 at my first midwife appointment today and got a good video of it to show my kids which they both loved 😊❤️

@kalesix3 I just scheduled my anatomy scan for January today too! So exciting 😊 

@peyts228 Slightly different situation but I run a daycare from home in a small town so didn't want to have to try and hide it from the parents(/some of our friends) or not be able to lay down in the afternoons without the kids telling their parents or needing to explain not feeling well and/or being exhausted but not being sick in a contagious way to the kids or parents haha -- so we basically told "everyone" at 9 weeks 

@francesgs I totally thought I was fully ready for maternity pants so I tried my new little maternity fly extender with a pair of jeans this morning (anyone know where to find affordable 34" inseam maternity jeans?! 😅 ) aaaand it was still gaping a bit. There's no way I can wear any of my jeans without it though and I didn't really fill out my maternity leggings in the belly yet either so I'll be sticking to my non-maternity leggings for another few weeks, I guess haha

kalesix3

@potato3000 yay! I hope time flies but also every month closer to my due date where I haven't moved yet so I can nest is going to be stressful so not too fast 😅

ReadyForaB

@francesgs yesssss.  I am huge. There are a handful of people at work that still don't know and I think I need to spill the beans soon.  At home and with family I just let the bump shine but at work I am still covering up a bit. 

We should start a HDBD thread!

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB @kalesix3 @francesgs also feeling huge and unable to hide haha. I've been wanting to start a HDBD thread but was worried I was being overzealous haha 😂

@kalesix3 @potato3000 I'm excited for my next midwife appointment because they'll give me the info to schedule our anatomy scan for January also!! I've noticed myself thinking of baby as "she" the last few days when I feel them kick. I don't feel like, at all certain about that haha, I wouldn't be surprised either way if I found out the sex tomorrow. But now I feel a little more interested in finding out if that little inclination is right!

I've been having some really intense anxiety the last few days about what would happen if for some reason we needed to transfer to the hospital during labor (planned homebirth). I would say I'm generally a very low medical intervention kind of person, and have a lot of medical trauma that makes me uncomfortable in hospital settings. My DH, bless his heart, is very low confrontation and is the type to say yes just to be "easy". He's also just more trusting of healthcare providers, and my trauma makes that very difficult for me and at times we butt heads over it. I've been terrified that he may not be a very good advocate for me if we end up in the hospital. But I expressed my fears to him last night and we had a really good talk about it, and I feel soo much better now. It's standard for my midwife to require a birthplan in case of hospital transfer anyways, but DH and I are really going to go over it and make sure we're on the same page and he has all the research and mindset behind my decisions and won't have to guess. I love him 🥺

kalesix3

@thescarletmom I'm so glad you're better! I missed you on the boards but I get it because I would go into hermit lurker mode if I got sick too. 
I don't think you're overzealous, I thought we should start HDBD last week so if nobody else starts the thread I will 🤍 
I'm so glad you and your DH got on the same page with your birth plan b and c and what to advocate for, I know those fears and I definitely used to experience them too, it's so hard how the anxiety just shows up like that somedays. 

bridgettetheboxer

@thescarletmom we are doing a home birth here too! excited for us both!
I am definitely starting to show and needing to adjust clothes. So HDBD sounds about right to me lol.
it feels like the beating has already begun for me? We painted our living room and entry hall last night and we’re up til 12:30am. I’m so happy with it though!! I’m excited to labor in the space now!

potato3000

@thescarletmom Aw, that's amazing! Such a nice feeling to feel so understood and supported by your partner especially in regards to something like that

@thescarletmom @bridgettetheboxer I'm so jealous of your homebirth plans! My first two were really great homebirth experiences but now we've moved 90min away so will be driving that long to the hospital (and hopefully making it in my time, my births have historically been very quick 😆) just to be safe rather than sorry in case anything were to go wrong. Excited to hear how they turn out for both of you when the time comes! 😊

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 I missed y'all too!! It was so good to talk it out with him, and I realized how my mind had blown it all out of proportion and made up nightmare scenarios. 

@bridgettetheboxer @potato3000 yes, I love homebirths!! Never had a fellow homebirther on my BMBs before, this is exciting! Bridgette, remind me are you a FTM or STM? This will be my third planned, and second actual homebirth. I unfortunately (?) also have insanely fast labors, and as a FTM it was less than 6 hours start to finish. (STM 3 hours!) When my midwife realized baby was COMING and she was too far away, we transfered to the hospital 2 minutes down the street so that I didn't birth unassisted (this transfer is where a tooon of that trauma comes from, they treated me so poorly for being an hbt). 

potato3000

@thescarletmom Aw, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Funny though, I actually birthed my son unassisted because he came so fast! I was in the shower and my husband went downstairs to fill the tub while a midwife was on the way but when he got back upstairs I was holding our son. I'll never forget the look on his face and his obvious shock when he saw us and asked me "Is that our baby?!" 

I actually ended up having our daughter in the shower too (with my husband and midwife there that time though) and I literally can't imagine having this baby anywhere besides a shower now 😂

thescarletmom

@potato3000 omg I can't image the look of shock! He walked away and came back and you're holding a baby suddenly! That's hilarious. My water broke in the shower with DS2 and he was basically instantly crowning, I would have been in shock myself if he just came on out right then. My poor blood-squeamish husband has had to come to terms with the fact that in the last trimester my midwife is going to start prepping him on how to catch the baby just in case! He doesnt trust me anymore to give him enough heads up when I'm in active labor, especially if this one goes any faster. Last time he was like, "babe I think I'm going to call [blank]" and I was like "no don't, I don't want to waste her time" I was in such denial I was in labor, and got mad at him for calling anyways. Then he was born like 20 minutes after my team got there haha. 

kalesix3

Reading all these insanely fast homebirth stories makes me wonder if I'm going to have a long labor like my first or a whirlwind labor like my second. I envy all of you getting to do homebirths, I know it would make things so much easier on me with us planning to move again before baby is due and not having any family or friends where we're going to help out with my son when labor happens.. (tw) but my first birth was a homebirth and while it's not what caused my baby to die, I know I can't do it again. I know someone who went on to have two more homebirths after she lost her first baby at home (undiagnosed heart defect) and I admire her and wish I could be like her but I would hate myself and I think it would be negligent and probably couldn't get in the right headspace for it or trust a homebirth midwife ever again.. so it's not a possibility for me and I grieve that a lot. I miss the hope and the peace of looking forward to welcoming baby at home. 

On a less dark random note, that old clinic I was going to before I switched messed up my due date twice on two different medical history forms and now my midwives and the MFM I see keep changing my due date based on the old messed information and I'm wondering if I should just let it go and adopt a new due date or if I should keep correcting people until it gets changed everywhere. I have to confirm it for every single ultrasound and it's getting so annoying. Sometimes it's June 2nd and sometimes it's June 3rd, technically according to LMP it should be June 2nd but I was seeing a fertility specialist and we both knew my actual ovulation date confirmed by my early dating ultrasound and the real due date according to both those things really is June 4th but bleh. I can't ever go overdue anyways because of being high risk so I guess the date doesn't really matter terribly but I'm attached to June 4th after three months of saying it so idk 😐 

kalesix3

Also I think someone else on here is planning a homebirth, I want to say her username was sunny native? I haven't seen her around in a long time though. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to make a decision like that and the grief you must feel over having the option to homebirth taken away ❤️ I think the best decision you can make is that one that honors you and your personal experiences above all else, and if honoring your story means no to homebirth, then I'm proud of you for advocating for your interests. On a way different scale, I personally feel like I can't birth in a hospital ever again because my sense of safety was stolen by the nurses and OB who delivered DS1. My PTSD was so intense I was suicidal for months after he was born, and it's still something I haven't been able to fully heal from 6 years later. I know I got a healthy baby out of my experience, but it's always felt very gaslight-y to me to tell women that that's all that matters. But that's just my little soapbox.

kalesix3

@thescarletmom it's not just a soapbox though, how many studies into birth trauma and the long-term affects it has on babies and mothers until we drop those awful phrases. It is gaslighting full stop I agree! I'm so sorry that was your experience, it was my mom's too, we lived in a small conservative community with a backwards hospital and homebirth was illegal, I carried all her trauma and then heard even more horror stories in some of the online community so being medically abused and mistreated was a huge presence in my decision making. I had the opposite experience when I transferred in but I think about what could have happened instead and I understand the fear. I'm glad options exist for people who live in states that don't have good hospitals and don't have compassionate OBs and nurse teams. Mine at a random hospital patched my heart up in so many different ways and I'm so sad it's not everyone's experience. 
The irony of it being homebirth midwives I can't overcome the trauma from instead of doctors and hospitals isn't lost on me but at the end of the day we all just want to be heard, to be understood and have our autonomy respected and wherever you find that kind of care is amazing. 
I still don't let any male midwives or OBs near me for my care though because the patriarchy and I'm not about to willingly sign myself up to be traumatized if I can help it. And that's my soapbox haha 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 ugh! Yes! Every time I hear someone say "all that matters is a healthy baby" or anything about how birth plans are the real source of trauma because they make people "inflexible" it makes my blood boil. My little soapbox is actually massive haha... and i also could never willingly choose a man to be one of my doctors, especially OB. A few years ago I had to have a surgery, and the doctor was in the room while a nurse was trying to get me to undress to prep for it. I was awake and fully capable of doing it all myself, so I told them *TW* I was a sexual assault survivor so I didn't want them present while I changed and the male doctor said "what, did a doctor rape you?" As though that mattered at all? Trust shattered. 

Yikes, I know that was really dark 😬 I appreciate anyone who reads that rant. My medical trauma always weighs more heavily on my mind while I'm pregnant, and it's not exactly the type of conversations I can just have with anybody. 

bridgettetheboxer

@thescarletmom @kalesix3 oh man I am so sorry for the both of you! Birth trauma and medical trauma in general is so glossed over these days that some people don’t even realize they are dealing with it. I’ve been a birth doula for almost 4 years, so I feel super passionate about allll of this. I can’t imagine the grief from losing a child in the midst of poor care. Im so sorry that happened to you! I try so hard to help bridge gaps between out of hospital practitioners and in hospital practitioners. For the sake of women and children, we all need to be on each others side. 

This will be my third. My first was unmedicated in the hospital and was so incredible. I had an amazing team and a fairly text book 8hr birth. My second was at a birth center and that one was just under 3 hours. It was WILD. So home is definitely the best choice for me this time around. Especially as I’m literally 4 min from the closest hospital. I’m so excited for my first at home!

thescarletmom

@bridgettetheboxer every once in a while, I get an impulsive desire to drop out of my law studies/carrier and become a midwife or doula. I love the work I do, but birthwork is something that makes me feel so passionate, especially knowing firsthand how huge of an impact the people surrounding you at your birth are. I bet you're an incredible doula for your clients!

At this point with labors under 3 hours, I agree birthing at home is just more practical haha. One of the best hospitals in the city is less than 10 minutes from us too! I'm excited for you and I hope you have an incredible experience! I bet you have a super unique perspective having planned a birth in all those different settings.

annemarie96

@thescarletmom @kalesix3
I feel so validated reading through this. 😭
My plan is a Homebirth but I feel like my family judges me a biiit because I had a baby born at 27 weeks who went to the nicu and for some reason it doesn’t feel like they expect a “normal” pregnancy this time even though the midwife and I talked through all the factors that happened and she doesn’t believe I’m at very high risk for it to happen again. And obviously if I go into labor prematurely I’m heading to the hospital?? I’m not an idiot. 🤣

It feels like a lot of people don’t understand why someone would choose their home, but hospitals have been traumatizing repeatedly in my life. They’ve also saved my life a couple times, but those memories only serve to trigger me even more when I’m there trying to give birth, you know? 

I’ve never had a chance to bond with baby very well right after birth, not even with my full term son. Bonding with the 27-weeker was a whole other story. 😭 
And I’ve never NOT been depressed and disconnected for months afterward. Looking back I can see that. I’m really hoping this time to not be processing trauma when meeting my baby and settling into having 3 kids. 

I know whatever happens we’ll be okay eventually though. It just hurts to hear of the beautiful birth stories sometimes. I know that’s terrible to say. I’m happy that some people experience that, it’s just painful!

ReadyForaB

I live in joggers outside of work (specifically Zyia) and I would really like to file a good quality maternity jogger.  I ordered a few off of amazon but they are all more of a pajama material.  Anyone know of any good quality maternity joggers?  Help!

bridgettetheboxer

@thescarletmom I was in nursing school for a bit to become a CNM and decided I don’t want to work in a hospital and quit lol. Birth work is so special! It’s so special to share such powerful moments with people. I specifically work with my clients a lot through guided meditation, I wrote unique scripts for them. It’s such a passion for me so I’m really just grateful!! 

@annemarie96 you’re definitely not crazy!! Stats actually show that home birthing is on the rise since the Vid… sending all the full term, low-risk pregnancy vibes your way!! I have so much faith that you’ll get to have a beautiful birth experience this time!!
@readyforaB I feel like Old Navy has some maternity joggers that I’ve heard good things about? Let us know! I definitely need more comfy pants.

thescarletmom

Oh @annemarie96 I completely understand. My heart goes out to you (and everyone) with birth trauma from any source. My oldest sister was an L&D nurse when I had DS1, and she told me my baby was going to die and I was going to die if I homebirthed, I was stupid and immature, etc. and she proceeded to not talk to me for a year and a half. There's other nurses in our family who I can tell withhold their judgement but still judge and its hard. When my first ended up traumatizing me, I couldn't listen to birth stories for a long time. Sometimes I still can't if I'm extra in my feelings. Giving birth is the most vulnerable thing I've ever done in my life, and I wrestled with those "why not me" feelings when I read someone's magical peaceful birth story. Not that I wasn't happy for them, but I was just so broken for me, I couldn't show up in any other capacity. And I think that makes perfect sense, trauma steals a lot from people. 

@bridgettetheboxer @ReadyForaB I've also heard good things about old navy's maternity joggers! 

ReadyForaB

@bridgettetheboxer Thanks!  I will have to check them out!  I think I have some fast cash to spend. 

annemarie96

@bridgettetheboxer ❤️❤️ I have such a love for doulas. Thank you for doing the work that you do. It’s so needed because a lot of people can’t birth at home or aren’t comfortable with that, but they need an advocate and a friend walking beside them through it. Thanks for the encouragement too! 

@thescarletmom ❤️❤️ 

annemarie96

On another note, my 3 1/2 year old has been SO excited. He always refers to the baby as his sister, to the point where I’m afraid he’ll be really upset if it’s another boy. 😂 And he said he dreamed the other night that she “came out” and a hippo and an elephant came to see her. So cute. 

He talks about her so much. Can’t wait to find out the gender so we can prep him for whichever it’s going to be! I can’t believe what a good big brother he is. My siblings and I barely got along, but our little family has so much love so far. 😭 

thescarletmom

@annemarie96 DS1 was adamant he wants this baby to be a girl! We snagged some library books about being/becoming big brothers that we've been reading to help it settle in more for DS2 as well, and DS1 wants to read them every night! He's really excited and it's really fun to see what he thinks about the baby. I'm also worried he might be disappointed if baby is a boy, and we just decided we won't be sharing the sex of the baby with family to avoid negative comments, which means we also won't tell the boys so they don't snitch 😬

peyts228

@ReadyForaB I really like Kindred Bravely's maternity joggers! I still wear mine from my first pregnancy. They transitioned well to postpartum and they are still in good shape 2 years later!

kalesix3

Sorry in advance for the book, I'm so behind but I want to at least try to respond because there's so many lovely thoughts on here. 
@bridgettetheboxer oh wow I have so much respect for the work you do, I wish I'd hired a doula with my first, it probably would have made everything better. Not for the pain management but so that I had literally anybody on my side. I was pushing with my first and the midwife was still adamantly refusing to believe I was even in labor because I wasn't screaming. Something I now have so much trauma about and every midwife I see I have to tell them constantly that I'm not emotional in labor and you will not see me having a hard time but don't you dare discredit me or brush me aside because I know my body and I deserved to be listened to. My partner tells them too and thankfully when I showed up in labor all the midwives at the birth center knew that while I didn't look like I was in labor at all I was actually in transition and they took me seriously. I hope wherever I end up birthing this baby I can find similar care but also this time I have way more confidence in myself to advocate for myself in labor if they don't. That being said my last labor was 3 hours too from first contraction to baby born and he arrived less than an hour after we got to the birth center AND I don't think I'm going to get lucky and have a shorter drive moving out of this awesome area so I'm low key stressed I won't even make it. But we'll see, I know sometimes they say third labors mimic first labors instead of second and are a wildcard but everyone I know personally had a shorter third labor than their second so who even knows haha. 

@thescarletmom your soapbox is justified and I'm sorry for how traumatizing your situation was in the past. And don't worry about being dark, all this stuff is so much more present in pregnancy with the added vulnerability and we're all here for each other. Also I definitely want to become a Doula someday when I have more time to devote to it! 

@annemarie96 the judging is so hard, I'm ridiculously judged and shamed for all my experiences too so I sympathize with your situation so much. I feel like whenever anything doesn't go according to plan everyone just assumes you'll give up and just get a c section because it's obvious you can't do it anymore. It really hurts. But in my personal experience my two different births couldn't have been more different and I always say that the best thing to do is to let go of what happened just enough that you're able to visualize the next birth going completely different, every baby is different and every story of how they were born is different and if you and your midwife are on the same page about the risks not even being being present this time then you can believe in that, because at the end of the day your experience matters more than anyone's random opinions. You've got this! 

@ReadyForaB I keep looking at Pink Blush maternity joggers but I haven't made the plunge yet. It's hard to imagine anything being more comfortable than my dresses but they look so cozy. 

Also randomly speaking of maternity things, I was in target last night and their maternity clothes section was incredible, they've really upped their game, I wanted to buy one of everything I saw and usually I hate everything lol. I do need to get a new pair of jeans, I wear pants so infrequently that I still have one single pair of maternity jeans from 2018 haha. Three pregnancies later the belly band is so stretched out it won't stay up 🥴 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 omg the *same* thing happened when I had my first. I didn't scream or even talk at all while I was in labor (I was so focused on my breathing and feared if I stopped my rhythm, I would die instantly from the pain - I had back labor and so the pain from contractions never paused or took a break the entire 7 hours). A lot of people told me I didn't "look" like someone in labor. I think it's why I spent all of my labor with DS2 in straight up denial. I wish more people in birthwork would acknowledge the unequivocal power they have to shape someone's entire birth experience. Take some responsibility, show some reverence for this control you have over me that I didn't choose to give to you.

I'm insanely jealous of your target because right now mine has the most miniscule maternity section and I'm so bummed! I just want some more maternity tanks and tunics to go over all these leggings! Also you mentioned this forever ago probably, but I think I'm in the minority when I say I have hated literally everything I've gotten from blanqi?? All the leggings I tried pilled so bad instantly the first time I wore them. Maybe I just got some bad stuff but I was really disappointed.

sunny_native14

Hi everyone!! 
I'm finally coming back to life after being so awfully sick. Not quite 100%, but I think I'm finally getting better. Legit thought I was going to be hospitalized due to my asthma and this horrible chest cold. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow and possible chest x-ray, so hopefully I can move on after all that. 

And yes! I'll be doing another home birth and could not be more excited! I also have suuuuper fast labors, my 2nd was under 2 hours with about 10 minutes of actual pushing. We almost didn't get the birth tub filled in time and my partner and midwife had to heat pots of water on the stove to get it filled faster 🤪. Needless to say, we are going to be really ready to go at the absolute first sign. 

I'm excited to get to know everyone and get back on the boards! 

francesgs

A home birth sounds so nice… for me I feel safer in a hospital unfortunately.. I’ve hemorrhaged twice because my uterus sucks sometimes. 😬

bridgettetheboxer

@kalesix3 I am so sorry, that does not sound like a very supportive midwife or birth team!! There are plenty of ways to know if a woman is laboring that don’t include noise. I can’t imagine how invalidating that must have been for you! I hope if you seek out a doula this time you find a really great fit! I have always been lucky in that department.
@sunny_native14 our labors sound the same!! I also was only in the birth center for 45 min and pushed twice! Precipitous labor is a whole different beast lol. I am also hoping for a bit longer this time around.
I did end up hemorrhaging after my labor at the birth center. My midwife managed it so so well, I didn’t need fluids or lose consciousness at all. I was super careful in selecting my time this time around in case I hemorrhage again. But, my whole thing with alll the clients is informed consent. I don’t think there is a wrong way as long as you get to be the person making the choices about your body.

cassafrass123

I’m so sorry for all the trauma you’ve all endured. As a nurse it can be hard not to judge. We live in a liminal a space closer to death and tragedy than most people can even contemplate. Our thought processes tend towards the awful that we’ve witnessed, At the end of the day, though, good care is about preventing whatever bad outcomes we can and limiting those we cannot prevent. Bad outcomes for the mom matter too! A lot of nurses also seem to equate home birth with free birthing. Home birth with prenatal care and a qualified professional on hand is wildly different from a free birth with no medical care, and we do a disservice when we don’t recognize that! I guess I had my soapbox too!

in other news I’ve caught food poisoning or a stomach bug. I suspect food poisoning since the rest of the family is fine and I ate different food than them yesterday. I’m pretty damn miserable.

kalesix3

@bridgettetheboxer well my birth center with my son has doulas on standby always so my plan was to call one with him but I had zero time lol. I'm considering hiring one this time but I don't know what labor will be like or if they will be enough time. I'd like to though. 

@thescarletmom yeah that's my big issue with a lot of the older generation of midwives, they can't see past arbitrary boxes they stick all their patients in or keep an open mind because they've already decided how your labor will go based on their perception of your personality and number of babies you've had. I hate it. Plenty of ftm have fast labors, plenty of first labors don't stall, but in the god complex they all give themselves they lose sight of what their care philosophy is supposed to be. I couldn't have said it better than you about how much responsibility someone has over your whole experience.  
Also I have no idea what happened with Blanqi, my leggings from them I got in 2019 so maybe their fabric changed but they've never once pilled, even wearing my high top boots, they look brand new, I just wanted some more colors and now I'm scared haha. My target used to be like yours but they remodeled and now the maternity section rivals the baby section for size, it's amazing, hopefully yours does the same! I hear amazing things about bravado and hatch tanks if you're still looking. 

@sunny_native14 yay I'm so glad to see you back around and I'm so glad you're feeling better and hopefully you can move on from all the sickness asap! I missed seeing you around, so glad everything is okay! Also I'm sorry I got your username wrong! 

@francesgs I think the most important thing is that you feel safe wherever you give birth, my hospital here is so amazing I know I would have the best experience there if I didn't want to or couldn't do a birth center again. I hemorrhaged with my first so I understand how scary it can be. I hope your uterus hits it's stride this time and you don't have any hemorrhaging 🤞🏻 

@cassafrass123 I agree with your soapbox so much. I wouldn't blame any of the nurses I had if they were decidedly anti homebirth after my situation. 

thescarletmom

@cassafrass123 I have definitely had the vast majority of people assume that I'm giving birth willy nilly in the backyard or something, and not that my midwife is a medical professional who just works outside of a hospital or clinical setting. She is a licensed CNM and has many years of education, just isn't an MD. I think painting a picture of any birthing setting as a whole with a broad stroke hurts everyone, because nobody should be demeaned for their informed medical choices ❤️

Oh no food poisoning! I got food poisoning during my last pregnancy and it's a new level of terrible. Fingers crossed it passes quickly for you and you feel better soon!

francesgs

@kalesix3 thanks me too! 

And yes it’s super scary! I ended up needing blood transfusions and so I hope my body does what it’s supposed to this time. 

@thescarletmom my cousin is one of those uneducated people that think that.. I realized she just never learned about it and how it actually works and just made her own assumptions and was just spewing all that misinformation. Which like you said does not benefit anyone.