1st Trimester

Unplanned pregnancy, father doesn't want it


I have been in a relationship with a man who is 23 years older than me for more than fours years and we have an amazing relationship.

I am 40 and he is 63. I recently found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant despite being on contraception.

I don't want to have an abortion but my BF is completely freaking out and he is so frightened. He is frightened that he is too old, when the baby is 10 years he will be 73 and so on. He also thinks that it's immoral to allow a child to have such an old dad. He thinks he would be ridiculed and his mental health would rapidly take a down turn.

I really want this baby and the thought of an abortion really upsets me. But I feel so guilty about what it's doing to my BF.

Any thoughts and options would be great as I am so confused.

Many thanks.

Re: Unplanned pregnancy, father doesn't want it

  • Your body, your choice. He doesn’t get a say. I get wanting to value his opinion because you’re in a relationship, but at the end of the day it’s your choice. And then he’ll make a choice based on that. 
  • meggymemeggyme member
    edited December 2022
    Agreed. Depending on whether you have time to make the choice you may want to try to find a counselor you can both talk your feelings through with. It sounds like a lot of self doubt on his part. If you are dead set on having the baby then he gets the choice of being an old father or an absent one, but either way the child exists. If guilt is the only thing driving you to keep the child that may be worth discussing with a counselor as well.

    Either way you have a tough choice ahead and I wish you luck and peace in knowing that whichever you chose is the right decision for you.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • My 5yo was unplanned with my spouse who was 24 years older than me. (53 at birth). He had the exact same feelings but ya know what... I knew I wanted that baby and decided to continue the pregnancy and he is an amazing father. It takes more time for them to adjust. Good luck making the right decision for YOU!
  • If you want the baby you will spend the rest of your life missing them if you choose to terminate. Please don’t terminate a baby that you want. I agree with the others, it’s really his choice whether he wants to be an old dad or an absent one. 
  • I am usually anti abortion but it’s your body, you choice. Like everyone else said, you both need to go to counselor and talk about it. Maybe counselor can help you see both side.
  • Just sending a hug. 
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