Announcing Your Pregnancy !

ReadyForaB

A space to share how you're telling/how you told your partner, family, friends and/or social media! 

Are you making a big public announcement? Waiting till a gender reveal? Waiting till baby arrives? Share your plans! 

ReadyForaB

I know a lot of us are coming up on that coveted 12 week mark! Eeeeek!

We will be sharing the news with my family on Thanksgiving (barring all going right at my appointment on the 22nd).  I will be 11.5 weeks.  I ordered DS a "Big Brother" sweatshirt I plan on just putting on him and waiting to see who notices first! 

annemarie96

This time around it’s baby #3 if all goes well, and we both felt a little more chill about it. So we’re just mentioning it to friends as it makes sense. I’m 9 weeks tomorrow and we’ve told pretty much everyone we see week to week. I’ve been super sick so we didn’t want to stress ourselves out about hiding it. 

It’s also meant we have a lot of people praying for this baby, and that means a lot to us!! All 3 living grandparents are local, and have been helping quite a bit. 

We may not announce on facebook...ever? We’re not really on there anymore and anyone who hasn’t heard by the time baby’s here is truly not a real friend we talk to, they’re just random people who think they know us. We both feel slightly annoyed by this culture of people feeling like they’re owed every little update and announcement! 

I kinda like the idea of just posting a picture of our family of 5 like BOOM. Hehehe 

hitcj4687

Neither of us are on social networking so we won't share there, but I assume my mom will because she's just a Facebook queen who posts every little thing. I really dont care if she posts about it lol. But I think she will do it when we know the gender. We have told everyone in our lives at this point. I can't keep a secret and I was wayyy to excited not to tell everyone I could lmao. I realistically wanted to wait for Thanksgiving but I suck and I couldn't. Lol 

ReadyForaB

I honestly have no idea when we will announce on social media.  I feel like we will but I don't know if I want it to corollate with the New Year or maybe Valentine's Day.  I for some reason want it holiday themed haha. Something like a "_____________ Party of 4" type of deal.

puffling2023

We have told both of our various sets of parents, our respective siblings, and several close friends. Hard to keep it a secret since this is our first. Our wedding is this Sunday so we are saving the “public” announcement until after that, so we’re not upstaging our big day. I’ll be right at 12 weeks when we get back from the honeymoon so seems like a good time to tell everyone else! I’ll probably do an IG post but not until we’ve told all the people we feel deserve an in-person or phone call about it. 

kalesix3

I'm not sure when I'm going to post something on my instagram, I've announced to my friends on there each time, but after 20 weeks both times, this time I'm feeling more calm so I might do something next week when I'm 12 weeks and have my NT scan pictures if they turn out well. I've been thinking of an announcement photo idea but haven't settled on anything yet. I wish I'd asked my photographer to grab a picture of our ultrasound picture when she got family pictures but getting my toddler to stand still was taking up all my brain cells lol. 
My closest friends already know. The only family members in our lives are my partners parents, I was originally thinking a Thanksgiving time announcement but I've lost my taste for it because #1 we don't celebrate Thanksgiving and it feels weird to make it about a baby, and #2 they behaved absolutely horribly during our visit last month and now I don't want to tell them at all because I don't want to hear their stupid comments. If they end up coming out when we move I guess they'll just see the bump and that will be that. But no special announcement this time because they genuinely don't deserve it with their hateful behavior. 

babyaontheway06

babyaontheway06

We couldn’t wait to tell our friends and family. We have 3 boys but from previous spouses so this is first and probably only together. 🥹

francesgs

*TW*

This time we’re aren’t announcing until after our anatomy scan at 18 weeks. My previous pregnancy we announced at 14 weeks and then had to tx at 20+6 due to multiple fetal anomalies…and it was really hard having to announce the loss while dealing with it and I really do not want to go through that again. 

When it comes to telling our daughter we will do it around the first week of dec after we get nipt results back.. mostly because I start to show around 14/15 weeks so it will be really hard to hide from her. I think she already suspects something though. 

potato3000

We bought shirts for our kids that say "Big Brother -- Again" and "I'm going to be a BIG sister!" and that's how we told them after ultrasound confirmed a heartbeat at 9 weeks (DS, 8, was/is SO pumped, DD, 5, is a little more unsure but mostly optimistic) then we just had them wear the shirts to tell the grandparents (which they were VERY excited to do)

We told our close friends the next day at an auction where 8 of us had a table together for dinner by waiting for someone to offer me a drink or make a comment about my water bottle and not drinking alcohol (which didn't happen until we were sat down for supper so DH and I were quietly laughing about it wondering if it was going to happen at all since I don't drink much anyways and how else to casually slip our news into conversation).

My Dad and MIL and our close friends all thought it was a joke at first (failed vasectomy) but were all happy and excited for us once they realised it wasn't!
 
@annemarie96 My DH and I have a lot of the same feelings -- didn't want to have to hide it, would rather have the added support if we do end up going through a loss (and not need to worry about hiding those feelings) and if I post to social media ever again I'm very pro 'Here's a recent picture of our family of five, if you didn't even know I was pregnant we're not that close' haha 

babysmithboston

This is our first pregnancy and we are at week 10. We told all of our immediate family already, just last weekend at an early Thanksgiving gathering. I would like to hear what people think about writing the announcement in a holiday card? Something at the end saying "My name, My husbands name and Baby-to-Be 2023." Thoughts?

I have had some family members who love the idea and others who say it is in poor taste.

bridgettetheboxer

We have already told family and close friends, but I will need to do a social media announcement since I abruptly left my job (boxing gym head coach) due to the pregnancy. And people still don’t know why… so I’m thinking a public announcement right around 12 weeks. Not sure how we will do it yet! I kind wish I could wait til I had a visible belly and just post a pic of that lol

thescarletmom

@babysmithboston in poor taste? What's the mentality behind that? I think it's cute and fun if you want to announce that way! If the issue is its not a very personal announcement, not everybody needs a face-to-face or phone call.

peyts228

@babysmithboston I would never think that's in poor taste! It seems like a perfectly natural way to announce! We may actually do the same, but only if I get my NIPT results back in time.

Something I learned with my first pregnancy is that people have many opinions, but it's YOUR experience. You and your partner get to decide the big stuff, the small stuff, all the stuff!

annemarie96

@babysmithboston why in the world would that be in bad taste?? They sound picky.

babysmithboston

Thanks everyone, I will definitely include "Baby X" on the holiday card.

Regarding it being in poor taste, this comment primarily came from my mother who stressed that it is my duty to call (not text, email or send a card) to my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. She said things like "I wouldn't want to find out that my niece who I witnessed being born, and grow, and attended her college graduation, wedding, etc is having her first child by a Christmas card." My mother tends towards the dramatic. Yet, a few other people did say that they generally agreed and that it might be nice to call a few friends or family before they see it on the card.

My personal opinion is that is quite cute, endearing and surprising - almost a little Christmas gift!

thescarletmom

@babysmithboston I wouldn't even know how to announce a pregnancy over phone call without sounding supremely awkward 😂 my mom also has a flair for the dramatic (and entitled...) so I get it. Plus she's in her 60s so her idea of when you should call someone is waaaay skewed. Sorry but I do not make unnecessary calls. And just because you are related to me and came to my wedding doesn't mean I'm gonna call to tell you I'm knocked up! You lose so much gravitas over the phone anyways! And I agree, it's a fun little surprise! Who doesn't love the surprise of a baby announcement? If someone complains they can get pregnant and do their own announcement.

annemarie96

@babysmithboston wow! The only people I told in person were the grandparents. They immediately told the rest of the family basically, and there’s no one else I think “deserves” a personal convo. Most people don’t really care that much. They may be like “oh that’s sweet. Happy for them.” But it’s not like it’s rocking your uncles world. 

hitcj4687

@babysmithboston I told most people I wanted to tell via text and my own father via email.  Who in the world has the time or energy to get together/call everyone individually to share their news!? You do you and tell your mother you'll do things your way and she can find it distasteful if she so chooses but you're under no obligation to accommodate her! The card is cute and kills all the birds with one stone!

ReadyForaB

I will definitely share with most friends via text after I share with my family in person next week. 

pttomato

My husband told a bunch of people (work people, friends, his sister) and is telling the rest of his family next week. So now I feel like I have to tell the kids, which mean telling everyone in the world and I’m really not ready for that ***TW especially since I’ve been having some spotting*** And I know my family will disapprove a lot and it would be nice to not deal with their negative remarks for a little longer.

thescarletmom

@pttomato I'm so sorry your family will be negative about your pregnancy 🥺 I got a less than thrilled response from my best friend when I told her and that broke my heart, I can't imagine my whole family having negative things to say. I wouldn't want to deal with it either! 

annemarie96

@pttomato I’m sorry you’re expecting a negative response! I’ve been there. MC has happened a lot in my family, including my mom, grandma, and myself. I’ve never gotten a happy or excited response from anyone pretty much because they immediately start just “praying the baby makes it” and it’s so negative. Sometimes really bothers me. 

Also we started having kids young and a couple family members were very vocal about thinking we were irresponsible. Literally told us we should have abstained from sex because our birth control didn’t work. 🤣 People are craaazzzy with the opinions on your life aren’t they?
And we’ve been extremely responsible parents, thank you very much. Agh. 

It’s amazing how upsetting these responses can be. 

thescarletmom

@annemarie96 DH and I were 21 and 22 when we got married. Four months later we got pregnant (on purpose! Not that it's anyones business). Some of the responses were like "oh so it was a shotgun wedding" um no?? We got married six months ago, I'd be practically giving birth if I had already been pregnant enough to plan a wedding then? And one person had all kinds of comments like "have you thought about how this will affect your marriage? You should have waited longer after the wedding before getting pregnant" (newsflash! We already had a 3 year old from a previous relationship). I literally can't stand anybody who responds to pregnancy news with anything other than "congratulations! I'm so happy for you!"

annemarie96

@thescarletmom Yes! A friend was just saying the exact same thing yesterday. “Congratulations” is really the only right response. 

The right age for these milestones like marriage and kids, or how many kids you choose to have is so unique to each person! 

hitcj4687

Almost no one was happy for me with my first born, I got pregnant at 18. Circumstances weren't great, but I was told very frankly that I should really put the baby up for adoption. I am grateful every day of my life for my beautiful boy. He's a healthy and wonderful 7 year old now and I truly can't imagine life without him. Even at 18, people should not be inserting comments like that! The difference in reactions to this baby was a world different. I am married now and got pregnant literally immediately after so everyone says, "oh so you were actually pregnant at the wedding?" No... we got pregnant directly after, thank you 🙄🙄 just say congrats and leave us alone! Why why whyyyyy the weird ass remarks and questions/comments!?! 

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 you and me have a lot in common! I got VERY unexpectedly pregnant at 18, gave birth right before 19 (I have severe endo, and when I was diagnosed at 14 they told me to kiss having kids one day goodbye). Nobody was thrilled for me/us except my mom. Our relationship was good and stable, and we never had to deal with comments about putting the baby up for adoption - most family on both sides came around pretty quickly but still. The initial reaction is so painful. I also looked younger than I was and got a significant number of nasty looks at the grocery store while pregnant and when he was a baby. His dad and I ended up splitting up and DH (who had been one of my best friends for years) started dating when DS turned 1. He's a beautiful 6 year old now, and while I wouldn't suggest having a baby so young, my son changed my whole life in exclusively positive ways. He was nearly 3 when DH and I got married and like I mentioned, we got pregnant right after (partially because I didn't want the age gap between them to get any bigger). It's a tough, tough journey to walk, but our family now is so beautiful and so worth what we went through to get here!

pttomato

I sort of get it with my parents, my last pregnancy was very difficult and they dropped everything to take my 2 year old full time when I was in the hospital for 6 weeks, then we stayed with them for most of the rest of my pregnancy so they could help out while I was still on bed rest. It was a stressful time for everyone. 

But also my family is against having more than 2 kids in general, especially my dad, he made a lot of comments last time about how I shouldn’t have had a second kid, it was a mistake, etc. which I could live without.

They are kind of just like that though. They were unhappy when I told them I was engaged at 25 because I was too young. The first thing my dad said when I told him I got into graduate school was “you should have applied to more competitive grad schools.”

At least my in-laws will be happy for us. My younger SIL was an oops third baby, so I’m sure they will positive about it.

kalesix3

@thescarletmom it breaks my heart that your friend was a butt about your pregnancy. Seriously nobody needs to hear dumb opinions on their pregnancy how is it still so common 🤦🏻‍♀️ 
This discussion is reminding me of when we announced to my in laws last time at 7 months pregnant and they made all kinds of stupid remarks like "you had nothing better to do in a pandemic than get pregnant?" Like just shut up and be glad for us that we finally have a healthy living baby on the way. I have zero patience for people's irritating opinions but it still sucks and hurts feelings. 

annemarie96

@pttomato @kalesix3 you guys are getting my blood boiling with these stories. 😅

And 25 to young to be engaged? Hehe I was engaged at 20 and now I’m 26 and I’ve gotten myself pregnant a whopping 8 times. They should meet me. 😂 Also was unschooled by my crazy conservative parents and still haven’t gotten my GED. 

I make you look GREAT. 😂

hitcj4687

@thescarletmom I also looked very young when I had my first. I also had adult braces, so it didn't help😂😂 "oh is this your little brother??" "Are you babysitting?" Unfortunately his bio dad was absolutely awful. I was on my own from day one, but I met my now husband before Reese turned 1 and we just got married in September,  6 years later lol so we will have a pretty big age gap between the two kids, but it's just the way it played out! 

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 sometimes that's just the way! If I had had a choice, our age gap would have been much shorter between them, and at first I was really disappointed by it. But honestly now I can't imagine it having been any different. And I know DS1 will be an incredible brother to this babe as well, he's so much more knowing and considerate as he's gotten older! He'll be juuuust shy of 7 when baby arrives and I think their bond will be really special.

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom our son will be just shy of 7 when this little one arrive also!  I always wanted a bigger gap personally because I felt like I could really give each child the attention they deserve that way.  My sister and I are almost 6 years apart and I always thought it was nice.  It will be wonderful. 

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB I think in so many ways there's no "right" age gap! For me, I wanted them closer because my older siblings are 14-7 years older than me, and it made it really hard to have a connection with them. My younger siblings (twins) are 14 months younger than me, and even though we fought soooo much as kids, I would do anything for them now. And despite my experience, I can see already that the 7 years between DS1 and baby 3 won't be anything like the way my siblings and I grew up. And I was never going to have babies one year apart so 😂 I'm happy to feel confident in what our family looks like now even if it would have disappointed a younger me.

francesgs

I am so worried about the age gap. Our daughter is 13 years old.. we had her when we were super young. I was 20.. then didn’t decide to try for a sib until she was 5 and discovered secondary infertility.. I know she’ll be super excited to have a sibling because she’s wanted one for a really long time but I feel like they may not be very close as they get older. I have two older half brothers who are 11 and 12 years older than me and I’m only semi close to one. Like we occasionally talk. 

thescarletmom

@francesgs it's hard! Especially when you just have no control over the gap you end up getting. When we had all of our losses, I mourned each of those "closer" relationships I thought my kids were missing out on by not being more similar in age. But DS1 and 2 are nearly 4 years apart and adore each other, more each day, and it feels silly now to admit that I thought that wasn't possible before. I think at the end of the day, it has way more to do with the family dynamic you're able to cultivate and the individuality of your kids than anything else. I know plenty of people who have incredibly close relationships with huge age gaps! The only one of my 4 older siblings I have a relationship with is 11.5 years older, and now that we're both adults with families of our own, we don't feel so far apart.

annemarie96

@francesgs I feel so strongly that siblings with any age gap can grow up really close. The dynamic will be different than if they were 2 years apart, but not any less amazing. 

I feel that parenting plays into the sibling relationships more than anything else. If you have a loving, semi-calm home where you don’t yell all day at each other, and you encourage kindness and patience between them, they will grow up so close. 

Just my two cents from seeing siblings at any age differences bite their siblings heads off, and vice versa. 

francesgs

All great points! Thank you. I just know it’s easy for them to drift apart with such a huge age gap.. once she’s in high school next year doing her own thing.. by the time this baby starts school she’ll be an adult… it’s just something I think about a lot.  I will say she is amazing with her little cousins who’s ages range from 2-8yrs.. they follow her around and she is so patient and caring. Very protective, too! She loves them. So I know she’ll love them and be like that with her sib. 🙂 

thescarletmom

@francesgs she sounds like she'll be a wonderful big sister ❤️ 

hitcj4687

My older sister (who I only just met and knew about for about 2 years) is 10 years older than me and we've developed a really awesome relationship since we've found out about each other. The age means nothing to us as adults. My younger sister is 11 years younger than me and I think we would be closer if our family dynamic had been different. My brother and I are 3 years apart and very close. We spend a lot of time together but we also went through a lot together and have a different bond. I'm another firm believer in how you raise the children, how you keep your home, etc being the make or break in your children's relationships with one another