Monday Bitchfest anyone? 11/7

thescarletmom

Let it alllll out, mamas.

thescarletmom

I don't really have anything to bitch about today, but am feeling mildly whiny about the fact that I agreed to be a den leader for DS1s boyscout group like a week before I found out I was pregnant. He's a first grader and this is his first year in scouts (DH and I were both in scouts as kids) so I was waaay out of my league when I agreed to take over in the first place. And now I feel like I'm just drowning in responsibilities while at my physical rock bottom 🙃 I am 100% the only person to blame for this, and I am very grateful for the opportunity to be the involved PTA mom I have literally always dreamed of being. I just wish I didn't also feel nasty while doing it. 

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom I can totally relate to this!  I volunteered to be a library mom for DS.  It's only once a month but its a total PIA. I have to take a late lunch and his school is not close by any means.  It makes for a stressful afternoon. and its on Tuesdays which is also the only day my OB sees OB patients for checkups.  So juggling that and my work schedule.  Ugh!  Had I know, I would have never signed up this year lol. 

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB ugh! It's so hard!! The scouts meetings are on Monday nights from 7-8, but since I'm the den leader we're there early and a bit later. Which completely throws off bedtime and evening routines. Before choosing law, I actually was in the early child development sphere so I don't feel too out of my element with my ~eight 6 year olds. But planning the meeting and activities and gathering any supplies every week is just enough homework to be irritating! And I feel guilty about not loving it, because being an involved parent is so important to me and I really did always dream of the day I would be able to do this kind of stuff. Trying to shift my mindset has been rough but I'm holding on to hope that once I get some of the 2nd trimester energy it'll be smoother (probably not though haha).

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom Agree on feeling bad for not loving it.  I mean, I do love it while I am doing it.  DS is in K this year and I volunteered for every opportunity so far - library, book fair and his first field trip.  It is also something I dreamed of doing and love it. I know I need to slow my roll for the sole reason of juggling work and all these appointments is going to be rough.  Any I feel you on the late nights interfering with bedtime too.  DS signed up for wrestling and while I love that he wants to try all of the sports, the practices run until 8 THREE nights a week with meets on the weekends.  He is in bed by 8 on other nights lol.  He also does karate once a week.  It is a lot for a kindergartener but I think it messes with me more than him haha.  He seems to love it.  My DH works nights so unfortunately most of this stuff is on me.  Ughhhhhh.  It will be interesting to see how juggling a baby and all of this will be.  I'll make it work I suppose.

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB bedtime is at 8 for us too, and just the one night a week is sooo irritating! Can't imagine three! The worst part is there's always, always other stuff going on with the scouts outside of meetings. There's fundraisers on the weekends and leader trainings and campouts, etc etc. And of course as I'm struggling with this one activity he's doing, this weekend DS1 hits us with the "I want to do swim lessons again". Fuggggg. Because 1. We don't have any great options for swim lessons here for some reason?? Wild to me because Kansas City is not small, but its really just the Y and I didn't love the set up last fall when we did it. And 2. He's RIGHT. I was a lifeguard as a teenager and I *know* water safety at his age is so critical, but he cannot swim and doesn't have much basic water safety. So I know somehow we have to jam swim lessons for the kids into our busy schedules. On top of the fact that DH and I are actually both in college still and he has zoom classes twice a week in the evenings... do you think our lives could get more hectic?? Maybe I do have things to bitch about 😂

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom haha omg so funny you bring that up - my DS just started swim lessons on Saturday mornings at the Y on top of everything I said before.  But  - Yes, it can always be more hectic.  And it will be in about 7 months haha!

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB for sure, ask and you shall receive... it's all the good kind of busy though and I try to focus on that part haha. We'll probably end up doing the Y again for seer availability sake. The part I didn't love was just that DS1 was at the top of a pretty wide age group of kids (2.5-5) and so I feel like he just got nothing out of it. He's bumped up now though so maybe it will be better!

hitcj4687

We have jiu jitsu twice a week, my son does kids class and I do womens class. He just joined boyscouts which starts tonight. And they send him info on skiing and snowboarding club and he wants to do that. I had promised him we would do more swimming at the Y but we haven't gone since August.... our days are all soooo busy and weekends are often the same. We always have obligations and things to do. The Y is 20 mins from our house so if we went after work, it takes the whole night. I feel like a slacker mom! My other complaint is I feel like my husband has been so whiny. I went to lunch with a friend and didn't bring him back food so he pouted. I volunteered to work a fight for my gym last Saturday and this weekend I have friends fighting at another gym that I want to go watch and he's sooo emotional that I'll be out of the house for a few hours again. He can be so needy sometimes! 

cassafrass123

My SIL is visiting and the day she’s supposed to go back home is forecasted a minor hurricane exactly when and where she’s flying to. I love my SIL (she’s seriously awesome), but I also love privacy. And, it’ll be hard not telling her since we aren’t sharing yet

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 I see we all just live the same lives haha. My son wants to do some sort of karate or whatever, but we simply do not have the bandwidth for it right now. We are plenty busy without filling every weeknight with a new activity. Literally dragging my feet at the thought of signing up for swim lessons. The Y is 20 minutes from us too! I can't tell you how many of our 8am swim lessons we missed 🤦‍♀️ Welcome to scouts! 

I'm sorry about your husband. It's so frustrating when someone expects you to read their mind/doesn't communicate their feelings/wants/needs and then gets upset with you for not achieving the standard you didn't know you were being held to. Is there a way for you to address that with him at all? I know for us, anytime a big change comes up, one of us ends up in a funk and needs a come to jesus moment. At minimum, you can't do what hasn't been asked of you! And at best, you deserve clear and respectful communication and not a partner who's going to complain about perfectly reasonable things.

hitcj4687

@thescarletmom he's not usually like this! I think he's feeling emotional about a new baby coming into our lives in some way. He's very excited but he seems to want to absorb as much of my time as possible before the baby comes. Which I get! He seems to be having sympathy symptoms and I'm not sure which of us is the pregnant one anymore 😂😂 that makes me sound mean. I love him dearly lol. Pregnancy just lowers the amount of patience I have 

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 right! I would assume (with minimal information) that the big shake up of a new pregnancy would likely be the culprit for a weird mood, but that doesn't make it less frustrating! 

kalesix3

Missed opportunity not posting my clinical rants here lol. But I'm in quite a few baby/child bst groups because I'm an avid babywearer, and I love bst. A while ago I was talking about favorite baby/toddler clothing shops and this woman saw the thread and now she messages me multiple times asking me to sell her my used baby clothes, or trade baby carriers for them. It annoys me so much because I never said I had baby clothes to trade or sell. I just listed brands she has fomo about and wants in the club without spending the 💰 on them. I keep telling her I have none to sell and I'm keeping everything for the next baby but then she messaged me again randomly to say "I think you have baby clothes to trade to me?" As if my message saying no isn't right there 🤦🏻‍♀️ 
She's not even mean, just neurotic about my baby clothes that she wants that I won't sell lol. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 can you just...block her? I would go genuinely nuts. "I think you have baby clothes to trade to me?" would probably have given me an aneurysm haha. Plus I'm going to assume I have an idea of generally what brands you're talking and if you have gently used pieces, 3 or 4 of them can exceed the cost of a gently used carrier. And I'm not going to trade 10 pieces of clothing for 2 or 3 carriers (especially when I just told you no). Go to kidizen, shop sales, or just deal with your fomo friend.

kalesix3

@thescarletmom I've been thinking about it a lot, typically I only block scammers so it feels a little dramatic because she's really scatterbrained and flaky, not malicious but it doesn't make her less annoying. I even gave her several affiliate codes to get brand new clothes for a discount and it's not good enough she needs mine specifically 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣
Edit to say and yes my baby clothes are all way more expensive than her carriers lol. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 Right! For example, I have a couple of Jamie Kay pieces for our kids that I guard with my life. Not going to trade it for your ergo in a million years 🙄 and she doesn't have to be mean to be disturbing your peace! It's okay to just not want to deal with it haha.

Speaking of babywearing, what are your favorites? With DS1 I did a lot of slinging, mainly wildbird. DS2, I had some off brand wrap someone had given me that I actually loved when he was itty bitty! So looking at getting a solly for this babe. When DS2 got heftier we started using Happy Baby carriers and we loved them! I think we may still have a sling and HBC, but we had just started getting rid of baby stuff over the summer because DH wasn't sold on no.3 and we currently live in the teeniest house (damn you good school district COL) so we didn't want to keep storing stuff for years of a maybe. 

kalesix3

@thescarletmom yes!!! It's my Jaime Kay, Quincy Mae and The Simple Folk clothes I think she wants most and of course those are the pieces I consider heirlooms lol. 
I definitely got rid of a bunch of things thinking there would be no baby#3 either and it's always so sad but clutter is hard especially in small spaces. We're in a tiny townhome and bursting at the literal seams. I can't wait to be in a bigger house before baby comes. 
 
So I'm a bit of a baby carrier nut lol. Fair warning! 
I tried Happy Baby, Sakura Bloom, Aura Leaf, Hope&Plum, Heart&Wonder, Loveheld, handwovens, wildbird, solly and tuck&bundle wraps with my son, once I tried so many different brands and textiles I really preferred Aura leaf and handwovens for ring slings, and I loved Sakura Bloom scouts and onbuhimos. 
I didn't get a chance to try eco silks, bamboo and waffle slings for the newborn stage and I never tried Aloha and Light or meta onbuhimos that are newborn approved either, as well as wanting to try the new wildbird Aerial carrier, and then I'd be thrilled to get a few floral Solly wraps too. 
A ton of people really like Naked Panda designs and Solara carriers for structure but they have too many PFA for me so 🙅🏻‍♀️ I know you can carry newborns in a happy baby onbuhimo because it has snaps but I really want to try alpha and light because silk is just way more moldable to tiny squishy babies than linen is, in my humble opinion lol. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 I've looked into maaaany carriers so I'm with you. Had a mom in DS1s bmb who had literal dozens of handwoven wraps! Very beautiful pricey ones haha. Ive heard great things about aura leaf, hope&plum and loveheld, but never tried! I tend to be a loyalist when I find a brand I like and never branch out. I haven't looked at Sakura Bloom since DS1, because they were out of my price range then (before I knew the value of a carrier, I'm sure they're comparable to Happy Baby which we bought multiple of last time haha) Tulas, I never even considered too strongly because I was in one Tula B/S/T and the people just seemed kinda crazy lol so it turned me off. DH loved HBCs because the only way we could get DS2 to fall asleep for months was for DH to walk him in the carrier every night, and they were better on his back. I'm fascinated by the aerial, but unsure if we'll try it. Definitely let me know if you do!

My preference for the teeniest babies is definitely wraps, I wouldn't love an ssc for newborns personally. Slings are 2nd place for the early weeks. I was just looking at solly's florals, they're gorgeous! But I'm sure we'll return to HBCs for bigger baby/toddler stage. Miiiight try a Sakura?

kalesix3

@thescarletmom you can definitely join the bst if you want to try Sakura Bloom but not pay full price although I do know that in December sometime they're going to do a sample sale and heavily discount their carriers on the website. Yeah I'm definitely not team ssc for newborns but I am curious to try a silk onbuhimo because it's waistbandless but we'll see what I end up actually loving this time! I don't plan on using the aerial carrier for at least the first three months and after that I'll see. 
I love those giant handwoven stashes haha, I'm not there yet but someday haha! 
There are handwoven overlay Tulas that I love but I'm hesitant to spend that much on a ssc because I'm so picky! They market has really dropped out of tula though, the mad dash to buy them on drop day finally died down! 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 Ooh love sample sales. I'm excited to get all the little babywearing things! I'll have to do some snooping and see if there's anything Ill jump ship to try. Maybe I can convince relatives to buy any of them off a baby registry 👀 plan to have a very bare bones one that will be more of a Christmas/birthday wish list than anything to direct family to haha. Ive seen some of the handwoven tulas and those are bananas! I saw somebody put theirs up on the BST for almost $700. 

kalesix3

@thescarletmom oh a baby carrier would be such a special Christmas gift! I'm not planning on telling my in laws until the spring if I can help it but now I'm bummed because there's no chance they'll be able to get me one 😭

babyrummom

@cassafrass123 I'm supposed to be going to a course for work in Florida and we were going to make a little mini family vacation out of it.. of course we fly out on Thursday right when it is hitting there 😤

annemarie96

@thescarletmom @kalesix3 okay y’all sound RICH rich. 😂 I love that for you, haha. 

It’s probably good that I don’t have the money for much baby stuff this time around. I have all that I need from the first two, except if it’s a girl this time the grandmas will buy all the little dresses and bows she could want. But if I even start looking at baby stuff again I’ll spend $100s. It’s such a tempting thing to shop for I would not be okay. 😂

thescarletmom

@annemarie96 lol noooo. There's like, 2 or 3 baby things I splurge on and outside of that, my in-laws are well off and they happily pay for the big ticket baby items haha. We live in a 2 bedroom 1000sqft< house and only got a second car for the family last year. Plus I afterpay literally everything! But I very quickly realized with baby #2 and #3 that there's a ton of stuff they just don't need! We never buy a stroller (our handful of carriers replaces this need), we cosleep so no crib, pack n play, bassinet. We cloth diaper, breastfeed, and don't decorate a nursery. It's absolutely a balance of choosing my must haves and leaving almost everything else.

kalesix3

@annemarie96 I'm definitely not rich lol, we're a 1 income household, also in a two bedroom 900sqf home right now. But everyone has good sales and affiliate codes these days and I pay really close attention and buy things when it's cheapest to do so. I will absolutely not scrimp on quality clothing items for children though because we always planned on having several little ones and I don't have family or friends I can get hand me downs from, so everything I buy I want to be extremely quality so I can pass them down to as many babies as I have. Even my baby carriers were all bargains or budgeted for during tax time or traded for so I didn't spend money on them. I try to be as frugal as possible while not completely denying myself and my family worthwhile things. I don't have much to buy for this little one in way of clothes, just some summer appropriate newborn and 3/6 month clothing since all I have is winter stuff in those sizes. 

cassafrass123

Today at work I had a patient whose wife was acting as translator (declined a professional translator that we offered). The wife asked to go back to the procedure room with the patient so she could translate any instructions on how to position himself back there. I asked the doctor performing the procedure and he said yes. So I bring her back and the anesthesiologist and the medical assistant in the room were so damn mad they went to my manager. Then my manager yelled at ME for not asking her permission?!?! Tf?!?! It’s the doctor’s room!!!

thescarletmom

@cassafrass123 from the patient's point of view.... the anesthesiologist and med assistant sound like jerks. There's a lot of reasons why someone with a language barrier may not feel trusting of translators and prefer a comforting, familiar person. If you can't do your job that way, then maybe you're not very good at your job. Also like you said, it's the docs choice?

cassafrass123

@thescarletmom exactly! There are legal reasons why the wife couldn’t be in the room through the procedure, but she was just there to help the guys get set up!

thescarletmom

@cassafrass123 good for you for doing your best to be accommodating for your patient in the ways you could! Nothing worse than having a healthcare provider who is such a stickler for "rules" and "routine" that they lose sight of patient care and comfort. Sorry you got grief for it!

annemarie96

@thescarletmom haha, I was kind of kidding, but that does make sense! In-laws having money does go a long way with cute clothes. And we all have things we splurge on. If most of our friends saw our grocery bill they would be appalled. 🥴 But good quality food is important to us!

annemarie96

@kalesix3 Yeah, okay. I’m so privileged with hand me downs. On one hand, I grew up wearing like 5th-hand Walmart quality clothing, so anytime people talk about fancy clothing it’s wild to me because it’s so different, but it’ll last forever I guess! 

But I have an old coworker who has passed down EVERYTHING from her son, and I haven’t had to buy almost anything ever for my boys. Sometimes I forget how wild that is. Such a huge blessing. 

thescarletmom

@annemarie96 all about the balance sometimes! My in laws bought our convertible car seat for DS2 and that saved us like $450 🙌 they also bought probably half of our cloth diaper stash and some other smaller things. However, no one in our families really has kids that are close to our kids' ages, so we had no hand-me-downs and were on our own with clothes and stuff. When it comes to choosing to go without some of the more standard baby things, it helps that our house is so so tiny so there wouldn't be room for things even if we wanted them! This is difficult for a recovering retail therapy kind of gal to not want to just buy everything for baby! Like you said, it's the easiest thing to want to buy for haha.

I'm a stickler for good quality, real butter and quality meat products. Everything else is whatever for me mostly haha. I can imagine your grocery bill is a gut punch, but food is so important!

ReadyForaB

My doctor's office never called me yesterday like they said they would to try to get me in for a scan.  I get maybe they were busy but a courtesy call would have been nice.  Ugh.  Also - I feel like SHIT today.  Headache, nauseas, exhausted even though I slept a decent amount.  And I am so busy at work. I just want to throw myself a little pity party right now. Ughhhhh.

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB definitely a courtesy call! Doctors offices let things like that slip as though their patients aren't waiting around all day to hear back and trying to figure out how to rearrange their schedules, etc.

My personal pity party is that I've also felt like shit since yesterday. The bump says hcg tops out at 9 weeks so most people have the strongest symptoms then, and I'm sure feeling it. I slept (fitfully) all afternoon yesterday because I felt so bad and then when bedtime rolled around I slept some more! Still feel terrible.

Oh and of course we get an email from DS1s first grade teacher yesterday that he had some behavior issues in class. She's always nice in person, but her emails are very no nonsense and they trigger me because they can come across pretty harsh. His birthday is July 29th and the age cutoff around here is Aug 1st so he's the youngest kid in his grade, and I always feel pretty defensive of him because of that (and just generally because don't be mean to my baby). She suggested he didn't feel any remorse for his actions and 1. That feels a bit intense to accuse a 6yo of and 2. I've never met a child more terrified of being in trouble than him. He shuts down and is so avoidant the instant he thinks someone *might* be mad at him (which I don't understand because we are not angry parents 😞 we try to be collaborative about making mistakes and better choices, we don't scream at him, do physical punishments, or other overly punitive things... I don't know what he seems so afraid of). He isn't unapologetic, he just lives close to shame and struggles with saying sorry. Ugh. Worst part of having a school aged kid by far.

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom exactly.  I was planning what excuse I was going to use all day to sneak out.  honestly though, it's okay.  I have an appointment two days before Thanksgiving and I will ask for one then. I feel alright about it.

And yes, I am feeling the 9 week peak. 

Ughhhhhhh on the struggles of school agers.  That age is so so hard.  My son has an early August birthday with a September 1 cutoff.  We held him for purely emotional reasons.  He is very sensitive.  He is in K this year and his teachers have been in contact about him getting upset easily, etc.  It is just who he is and always has been.  I'm not worried about it.  

kalesix3

@annemarie96 I totally get that about different experiences! I grew up really really poor, like didn't have shoes and never enough to eat poor and making sure my kiddos have quality clothes that fit right and are seasonal appropriate really heals my heart. 
I'm a mix of fancy and utilitarian with groceries but it truly wouldn't matter because we live in one of the most expensive places in the country and our grocery costs are ridiculous no matter what I buy! 

@thescarletmom that's is so sad and heartbreaking about your son struggling in class and the teacher suggesting he didn't feel bad at all, even children who don't outwardly show remorse still feel it, they just struggle to express emotions or don't feel safe enough to. I'm sorry that happened, I know I would feel absolutely awful in your shoes, I hope the bumps can be smoothed out and the rest of the year goes better. 

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB we chose to send him purely for personal anecdotal reasons. I was held back a year with an early September birthday and I was so bored in school and generally unchallenged. It made my experience a lot harder, and we figured worst case scenario if we sent him and he wasn't ready, we'd pull him out and try again next year. Ours is a very sensitive/emotional kid too, but it doesn't seem its affected him too much in school? The hard part is that I firmly believe the current structure of schools is not the most conducive to children learning. So while I understand that she's upset that he's disrupting math time by talking, I'm also generally unconcerned about a 6yo who can't control his mouth just yet. He doesn't have impulse control, his brain literally isn't fully formed in that area yet. We still talked to him about it and made sure we stressed the importance of learning from our mistakes and being respectful when people are talking, etc. I just feel like a lot of the things they make out to be huge behavior issues just aren't. 

cassafrass123

@thescarletmom I feel you with having the youngest 1st grader in the class! I feel like I’m in constant communication with DD1’s teacher about behavioral expectations! I have been very transparent with the school about not being sure whether she belongs in the grade she’s in but they said academically this is the right choice for her, and that she’s not actually bad- just requires a lot of support.

I’d suspect that maybe your son’s teacher has been trained to write those emails with no embellishment. I hope when you talk to her she is more positive!

thescarletmom

@cassafrass123 right, DS completely exceeds all grade level expectations academically, so pulling him back wouldn't help, and he's not "bad" either. Just impulsive, and she's told us before he's not the only kid who struggles so I know he's not the only one in the whole class. And yeah, I'm sure she doesn't mean anything by the way the emails are worded. When I responded to her, she told me today that he's had a lot of progress already so I'm content that she's looking for the growth and wants to see him in a positive light. I always have this little fear in the back of my mind that him "causing problems" will make her not like him or treat him differently, but she's never acted that way at all. Just me being nervous.

@kalesix3 I don't know if you responded before or after my second post about the school thing, or if my app is just messing up but I'm just now seeing it! It totally broke my heart that in the moment it felt like she assumed the worst of his behavior. And I know he's my baby so I'm biased, but he's just a little guy 🥺 he's trying his best even when it doesn't seem like it, and he's not a sociopath or anything. So the "doesn't feel remorse" comment really hurt me. Also, I grew up super super poor and have the same experience as you ❤️ being able to buy my kids well fitting clothes every season always makes me want to cry.

kalesix3

@thescarletmom I think we posted within a few minutes each other but the refresh doesn't work very well automatically! I don't mind, but yes I'd be upset if someone implied my kiddo had what a consider a sign of a serious mental illness like NPD. I'm sure your son did feel remorse 🥺 I definitely don't think you're out of line to feel sad about what happened. I hope it doesn't become a normal occurrence. 
Yeah I don't typically have a "my child must have everything I didn't have in life" philosophy across the board, but when you didn't grow up with anything but abuse and trauma it doesn't take much to give your child everything little you always wanted! I cry about it frequently haha.