November Questions thread

ladyofarlington

STMs+ will I be up for traveling to an out of town wedding two weeks after delivery? Refresh my memory. 😊 I remember going to a Halloween party two weeks after DD was born, but we only stayed for two hours and it was in between nursing sessions. I remember I didn’t want to use the restroom there (I was still bleeding quite a bit), but I had fun and it felt SO GOOD to get out and feel like me again. 

We have friends who are (finally!) getting married on 4/28. The wedding is out of town, about a two hour drive, and would require overnight hotel stays. I’m due 4/12. DD arrived two days late and who knows if I’ll go early or late this time. Debating whether or not to get an extra hotel room for either my mom or DH’s mom (or both, they live in our home town and the wedding destination is 2 hours from them and 2 hours from us so about in the middle) to help with DD and the baby. 

DH is very close to the groom and went to the pre bachelor party (yes, apparently that’s a thing 🙄) and will be attending the bachelor party in January. I want him to go no matter what, but debating if I should go (I want to!) or if in reality I will feel overwhelmed by traveling and attending a wedding at two weeks postpartum. It’s a two day affair and should be so much fun! I want to go, but is this a horrible idea?

nsk489

@ladyofarlington I know that I wouldn't have been up for that 2 weeks postpartum, but mainly bc we were struggling with feeding issues and it would have been stressful for me!

I am having a similar struggle though. My college roomie is getting married towards the end of May and I really want to go....it would be the first time in about 4 maybe 5 years that all of my college friends would be together. But it involves flying across the country 4-6 weeks postpartum (depending on when baby arrives) and I'm thinking it's not a good idea 😢

etnyah

@ladyofarlington agree with the others, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to! For me the broken sleep was the worst. I was a total zombie for at least six weeks. I remember going to a party 6 weeks pp (sans baby) and people were amazed I made it out of the house, and that was a local party!

trubaby411

@ladyofarlington I'm in a similar situation. Our friends are getting married about a month PP, and I'm wondering if it would just be too much to go or not. Unfortunately, their venue is a 6 hr drive for us, and I'm not ready to fly with a newborn that early on. Just typing all of that now seems like it probably is too much... 🤷‍♀️

scaredunprepared

@ladyofarlington knowing myself, I wouldn't be up for a wedding 2 weeks pp.  I tend to go into hibernation mode and want nothing to do with anyone for at least 6 weeks.  And my babies have been cluster feeders, so I basically have a baby attached to my boob 24/7 for 6-8 weeks lol

acleverusername

@ladyofarlington it might be my age talking, but the idea of a party 2 week PP just breaks my head! Lol. My hat is off to your for doing that with your first!

Much like everyone else, close friends of ours are getting married on April 15 (baby is due on April 1) and I’ve already declined the invite.

Honestly though, it is totally up to you! If you end up doing it, I’d take all the help I can get! 

flowerchild2022

Another wedding invitation here, but mine is a few months after due date. I did, however, get an invite to be a bridesmaid and am trying to figure out how doable that would be. I'll be a first-time mom so I really don't know what to expect in those first few months... Maybe attending won't be too tough with a 3month old, but being part of the bridal party? Any thoughts?

nsk489

@flowerchild2022 my brother and SIL were both in my bridal party, about 3.5 months after their first child was born. After I found out she was pregnant, I told her she could bow out of being a bridesmaid if she needed to but she insisted it would be fine. They were living in FL at the time and my wedding was in PA...my entire family was involved in the wedding so my parents couldn't really help watch my nephew or anything. She flew her dad and sister up from FL to take care of him in the hotel for the duration of the wedding. I don't think she was breastfeeding but I'm not sure, and pretty sure she had an emergency c-section (so a little bit more difficult of a recovery). Hope that's at least a little helpful!

scaredunprepared

@flowerchild2022 I feel like it could be doable.  Could you bring baby if you will be nursing?  You will likely have to pump if you can't bring baby, so keep that in mind.  Will you stay at a hotel?  We booked 2 attached rooms and had my mom come with us to watch our daughter while we were at a wedding about 5 months PP.  I took a couple breaks to nurse her and was able to do most of bedtime routine.  

enw1028

@ladyofarlington @flowerchild2022 ugh I’m in a similar predicament - my best friend is getting married July 9 at a destination wedding in Rhode Island - I’m in NC. I’m already in a panic over it and trying to think through the logistics. My son would be staying with my MIL (potentially) but baby would be with me and my husband. Just seems like a LOT to travel by plane (especially if baby doesn’t have shots yet) that early on for such a big event where I likely won’t be able to stay the whole time and have as much fun as I would like. Ughhh hate these decisions and the unknown because PP can be so unpredictable! 🙃 I feel so bad feeling this way since it’s my best friends wedding but I just feels like a lot! 

flowerchild2022

Thanks for the responses above! I think we would be staying in a hotel, as the wedding is about a five-hour drive from where we will be living. My husband is not a fan of weddings and insists he can stay behind and look after the baby and let me go and enjoy my time, but I don't think I'll enjoy my time so much if I'm so far away and worrying 😅. I think the compromise would be him coming along to the city but sitting out of the wedding and/or reception. (Maybe the noise would be a lot for a little one anyway...) We'll have to sort out those details. On the bright side, my friend is very understanding of the situation and I know won't be putting lots of pressure on me either way, so I appreciate that!

@enw2018 I feel you! I really don't want to miss the wedding for a lot of reasons. Not sure if you're a first-time mom or not, but for me that lack of experience to know what those first few months are like firsthand is what is really throwing me. At the end of the day, I know it's a matter of doing what's best for baby and our family, but man... Wasn't expecting to already having to think through these decisions 😅

acleverusername

What, if anything, can I take in lieu of a muscle relaxant in pregnancy? Prenatal yoga has once again kicked my butt. 

nsk489

@acleverusername not sure if it will have the same kind of effect you're looking for, but you can take Tylenol. Also maybe try magnesium?--not sure if it will help, but my OB just told me I could take magnesium in lieu of Tylenol for my headaches

enw1028

@acleverusername I was going to also suggest Magnesium. I had AWFUL restless legs with my last pregnancy and would take the Natural Calm powder (comes in unflavored and flavored) in my water every single night!

acleverusername

@nsk489 I don’t know if it was the Magnesium (@enw1028 I have CALM already!) or the Epsom salts bath, but it did the trick! No more body aches!

knottie26dac2995a92383f

We are looking at the bradley birthing method classes told to us by our chiropractor. This will be our first birth so we shall see.

nsk489

If you have heartburn---have you found anything that helps? I've been popping Tums like candy and it doesn't help in the least bit 🙃 I had heartburn last pregnancy as well but it wasn't this bad til much later, and once Tums stopped helping I had to take Pepcid. Wondering if it's time to start up the Pepcid already (can't recall if I can get that OTC or if I need a Rx 🤔)

shoogapoff

@nsk489 this is a crunchy solution, but it really really helped me last pregnancy: papya enzyme. You can take as much as you want, and I think it really works! Plus it tastes good. 

nsk489

@shoogapoff I will look into that!! I'm surprised my midwife never mentioned it last pregnancy. Is there a certain brand you recommend?

shoogapoff

This is the kind I have. I haven't tried any other brands. I hope it works for you! 

I also would sometimes sip on unfiltered apple cider vinegar with "mother" (google that if you don't know what i mean) and that helped, but it's disgusting. 

acleverusername

Hey STM+, total newb question here: how many burp clothes, wash cloths, swaddles, PJs do I need? I realize the answer is going to be along the lines of “depends on how often you want to do laundry” but what’s a good “starting” number?

iiirene

@acleverusername
We started out with 4ish burp cloths. That one really depends on the baby. 

Same # of wash cloths. We have more now because we do less laundry. 

For Velcro swaddles, we had 2 or 3 of each size. 

We used endless PJs. I really underestimated how many we would use 

nsk489

@acleverusername we had a 3 pack of washcloths and felt that was plenty, and 2 hooded bath towels. I started with a pack of 7 burp cloths and that was not nearly enough, thankfully my neighbor made me about 2 dozen flannel ones as a gift or else I would have been washing burp cloths daily!! (My son did have reflux and threw up what looked like his entire feeding, every feed even after being held upright for 30+ minutes....hence the need for so many burp cloths for us 🙃)
We had 3 velcro swaddles which was plenty....pjs I honestly can't remember. Maybe 5-7??
You'll probably also want 2-3 crib sheets, pack and play sheets, and changing pad covers (depending on the style of changing pad you use)

etnyah

@acleverusername for burp cloths, I got two 10 packs of cloth diaper inserts, way cheaper and more absorbent than burp cloths. And they’re cheap! We used them for everything from us wearing over the shoulder, wiping up messes and as a buffer on the changing table. I don’t think you can have too many, we still use them for wiping up stuff three years later.

For PJs, it depends, mostly on personal preference. I have 14 pairs of zip up sleepers in the first couple sizes because I know that’s all my baby will be wearing. I literally have no other types of clothes for newborn and size 3m. Some are new but most are hand me downs. I wouldn’t start with that many though, that’s just my preference based on what I like baby to wear and also having a VERY spit-upy baby. I’m talking multiple outfit changes a day (this is also why we had so many burp cloths).

Swaddles, I’d try just one of each type to start with. Velcro, zipper and regular. Then get a couple more of the one you like the best. I’d ask around for swaddles on FB marketplace etc, that’s how I got mine. My personal preference is Woombie Grow With Me, it’s a zipper swaddle that expands with zippers as baby grows and eventually turns into a sleep sack when you’re done swaddling. 

scaredunprepared

@acleverusername we have 3 wash cloths and 3 towels per kid.  I think we have 12 burp cloths.  We will use them to clean up boogers, tears, etc.  We have at least 7 sleepers in each size lol

beaniebaking

+1 Cloth diapers are amazing as burp cloths. Plus they are also super handy even after baby is done with them, I love them for washing mirrors and windows. 

I have a question for all the STMs ... I had difficulty breastfeeding with my first. We actually ended up back in the ER a couple of days after she was born because I was not producing any milk and was trying to exclusively BF. Baby's blood sugar dropped dangerously low and she needed IV fluids and measured formula feedings overnight at the hospital, it was so scary as a FTM. I ended up pumping so I could see how much I was producing and supplementing with formula, and I tried everything to increase my production and never managed more than an ounce or two per day. Has anyone experienced low supply with one baby, but have that change with subsequent children? Trying to get myself into the right headspace for #2. I would strongly prefer to BF, pumping sucked so badly, but I need to manage my expectations. 

nsk489

@beaniebaking I'm so sorry you had that experience with your first! Everything I've read has basically said just because you had low supply (or an oversupply!) with one baby, doesn't mean that will be the same for subsequent babies.
I had low supply with my first as well, but it ended up being due to a tongue tie that went undiagnosed for about 4 months. My supply corrected after that and I was a "just enougher" for the rest of our breastfeeding journey (which ended up lasting 15 months!). Before the tongue tie revision and for the first 2ish months after, we supplemented with formula and went for weekly weight checks bc he was not putting on enough weight! We also did weighted feeds so I could see how much he was taking in during nursing sessions.
I found the book "Making More Milk" to be helpful. Also working with a IBCLC, I wouldn't have been able to breastfeed without their help and support. I hope your (and my) breastfeeding journey is much easier the second time around 🤞

etnyah

@beaniebaking that sounds downright traumatizing for you, I’m so sorry! I only have one kid so no personal experience, but in my previous BMB, there are several moms with wildly different bf journeys from child to child. I definitely don’t think you’re doomed to always have a low supply. I’d start seeing a lactation consultant asap with new baby if you’re worried, hopefully your hospital has an in-house lactation consultant service. 

beaniebaking

@nsk489 Same here, everything I read talks about every baby being different, but those articles all paint such a rosy picture about breastfeeding. Those are the same articles that talk about trusting your body, and taking time to establish your supply, and no supplementing until several weeks after birth ... but all that advice landed us in the ER the first time around. The realities were so much different and more difficult than anyone ever told me. 

I worked with a lactation consultant for months after our ER trip, and unfortunately my body just didn't ever kick in to feeding mode. @etnyah I fully intend to begin with one right away in the hospital after birth this time. I am also going to bring my pump to see if I can't jumpstart things. 

Fingers crossed for all of us this time around! 

returning_bump_member

@beaniebaking I had a gf who went through a similar situation with her first then had no supply issues with baby 2 and 3 (even when she was recovering from a stroke). 

maggied26

@beaniebaking I had a similar problem with my first when it came to breast feeding. I tried so hard, drank special teas, pumped as often as humanly possible and still never produced more than lik 3 ounces a day. Then by 6 weeks it was so stressful with that and going back to work I ended up just switching to formula all together. I hope this time around it's different

acleverusername

@beaniebaking some underlying conditions, like PCOS, can cause issues with supply. Also, don't forget about being kind to yourself and just doing what is best for you and for your child. My sister's postpartum depression got so bad because she felt compelled to do everything she could to breastfeed and was "shamed" by fellow mom friends into "trying harder". Ultimately, there's nothing wrong with formula feeding if your body isn't cooperating... your health and your baby's health are more important.

etnyah

@acleverusername ugh the “try harder” sentiment is so messed up. Nobody tries harder than someone with bfing troubles. Formula is a fantastic way to feed your baby! 

My other group had all kinds of moms who made choices that worked well for them: some had issues breastfeeding first baby and switched to formula then breastfed the next one without issues, while others went straight to formula with baby 2 because they didn’t want to put themselves through that again. Then there were some who had no issues breastfeeding baby 1 but struggled with 2. 

I plan on breastfeeding again since it worked well last time, but there’s no guarantee I’ll be that lucky again. While it’s nice to have the benefits of breastmilk if able, the most important thing is having a fed baby and a happy, sane mom. Formula isn’t a consolation price, but an amazing option.

nsk489

One of my fav perks of formula (besides a happy fed baby) is that somebody else can take a feeding and let mom get some much needed rest.
I had to stop following my local LLL group on FB bc there was way too much emphasis on "breast is best" and making me feel like a failure for having to supplement with formula, as though I wasn't trying "hard enough". I fully intend on keeping some sample cans of formula handy this time around, bc no way am I triple feeding again for as long as I did with my son

nsk489

Has anyone found maternity pants that sit under the bump (so not full belly panel) that actually stay up? All the ones I have fall down/my butt hangs out of. I have full belly panel pants that work, I just don't always love something over my bump bc it makes me feel claustrophobic/hard to breathe 😬 I usually end up folding them down so it sits under my bump anyway, just wondering if anyone has found any other good options!

maggied26

@nsk489 I found a pair at target that are like thick leggings almost but I have yet to actually wear them so I'm notnaure if they'll stay up well or not. I'll let you know, I'll test them out tomorrow haha. My over the belly ones fall down on me a lot and I find I have to pull them up too

beaniebaking

@nsk489 My husband's sweatpants with a drawstring! Tie the drawstring under the bump but over the hips. Annoying when you have to pee so bad, but they are warm, comfy, and stay up!

etnyah

Favorite support belly band? I never used one with my first pregnancy, but in the evenings I’m a lot more sore now than last time. Hoping some support might help, especially since I assume it’ll get more sore later on!