November Questions thread

nsk489

Whatcha wondering this month?

nsk489

When can we switch to a private group 🙄🙄

etnyah

@nsk489 not fast enough lol.

enw1028

Ok silly question - what is a private group and how does that work? I didn’t use the bump community with my first pregnancy so I’m out of the loop 😊

nonlinear_function

How can I have been pregnant for 6 million weeks already, yet still have so far to go? I shouldn't complain, because I haven't gotten to the tough parts yet, but the preceeding fertility treatments make me feel like I've been expecting this baby forever. April is so far away. 

Also hoping I've been active enough to make the private group team. October was rough, but I'm hanging in. 

nsk489

@nonlinear_function meanwhile I feel like this pregnancy is flying by! And I think your name has popped up frequently enough. We can decide on criteria as a group later, I'm just getting annoyed with all the drive bys! Like hello random internet strangers that I've never interacted with before, please look at my ultrasound and let me know what sex my baby is even though I'm sure none of you are trained in reading ultrasound images 🙄

@enw1028 it would be a private group on The Bump, so everything would look exactly the same except you have to either be invited or request to join the group. You wouldn't be able to see any of the content or post if you're not a member of the group. If I recall they are kinda a pain in the butt to figure out how to create, so hopefully they have made that easier over the years lol

etnyah

@enw1028 a private group is like this forum, only closed to people who aren’t members of it and you need to be approved to gain access. It usually happens a littler later in the game, so people can get a chance to know each other first! The benefits are that we can be more open (I won’t share a lot of information here since literally anyone in the world can access this forum) and we won’t have annoying random drive-by posts from outsiders. 

Usually people need to be active regularly in order to get to join, there’s no scary vetting process or anything, I think last time we accepted almost everyone that most people recognized as having contributed pretty regularly. We actually did have a catfish though! Some rando was pretending to be pregnant for whatever reason and was a regular, but another eagle-eyed member realized a lot of what she was saying didn’t make any sense so she got caught. Pretty creepy. 

@nonlinear_function I definitely recognize you and wouldn’t have any issues with you joining a private group! I’m sorry things have been rough lately, hopefully it’ll start looking up soon. 

nsk489

@etnyah omg that is crazy! Why would somebody do that 😳

nonlinear_function

@etnyah I was hoping for a catfish last time, because I love the drama, but we were all boring pregnant ladies! 

etnyah

@nsk489 I have no idea!!! It was really surreal. Looking at her post history, it seemed like she had done it before as well. She kept mentioning existing children, but in our group she had three boys and was excited to be pregnant with a girl (iirc), and then in the past BMBs she had mentioned her existing daughter. 

Then someone came along from the next BMB (we were February, this person was from March), did a lot of sleuthing and figured out not only who she was irl, but who she had stolen photos from for HDBD pics. Basically doxxed her. That post was deleted, but it was madness.

If you have a lot of time on your hands, feel free to go read some juicy drama from February 2019, ha. Her name was shellperry or something like that. 

returning_bump_member

Oh man, I feel dumb. Here I thought a private group was a secret group created on Facebook. 😅

That's what my last bump group (May 2012) did and we still have 177 active moms in it. 🤯 

etnyah

@returning_bump_member that’s what I assume is the end goal! We did private group here first, then private FB group. We’re still 35 active moms, 177 is impressive!

nsk489

@etnyah that's what we did too! There were a couple very anti-FB moms so we didn't want to switch platforms until after all the babies were born.
@returning_bump_member wow!! I don't think The Bump is quite as active as it was back then! We have maybe about 20ish in my 2021 group

scaredunprepared

My past BMB didn't have much drama, but we are much smaller (35 and 17 I think) now that we are on Facebook.  We did have someone in my last BMB that was actually stalking one of our members and harassing her for her decision to get the covid Vax while pregnant, accusing her of harming her unborn child and telling her it was all her fault that her daughter had a heart condition!  That's the most drama I've ever seen.

etnyah

@scaredunprepared she’s in my previous BMB with her first kid too, she mentioned that!! Absolutely unhinged. As if she didn’t have enough to deal with already!

scaredunprepared

@etnyah omg really???  Is she like a normal person otherwise???

etnyah

@scaredunprepared I meant the person who was stalked, not the stalker, ha! She has two kids, the oldest is the same age as my son (they actually shared a due date!) in F19 and her youngest must be the same age as yours!

There is no way an anti-vax stalker idiot would have survived long in my first BMB lol

scaredunprepared

@etnyah oh lol oops!  I felt so bad for her, she and her husband had gone through so much, and adding that nonsense on top of it was just unnecessary.  We moved to a private Facebook group very shortly after that incident!  People have nothing better to do than stalk people or pretend to be pregnant....ugh get a life, or at least a hobby!

etnyah

@scaredunprepared I was so mad when she told us what was going on! Imagine getting the news that your unborn baby has a heart condition, and then some jerk tells you it’s your fault, based on absolutely nothing?? And it was clear it was a random condition too. 

Thankfully she’s strong and smart and didn’t let that part get to her, but I wouldn’t have wanted to share anything else publicly afterwards either. That story for sure is a major reason I can’t wait to move over to a private group!

scaredunprepared

@etnyah yeah it was so bizarre.  Like why/how was this person so involved/ concerned??  It didn't make any sense.  I for sure felt uncomfortable and I wasn't even directly involved!  It was all so strange.  But I guess that's what happens on the internet. 

iiirene

@etnyah down the drama rabbit hole I go….

etnyah

@iiirene 🤣 don’t forget the popcorn!

trubaby411

We went looking at baby stuff yesterday, and we looked at modular carriers and strollers. DH and I were talking about whether it would be necessary to have a second base and carrier, so we have one for each car. Is this worth the money? 

scaredunprepared

@trubaby411 I say yes to a second base, but the carrier we got away with 1 and just popped it in and out of the bases in the cars/stroller as needed. 

nsk489

@trubaby411 depends on your situation! Will baby need to ride in both cars? (Ex. Maybe you drop baby off at daycare, but DH picks up). My son never needed to ride in my husband's car so for us it didn't make sense, but if baby might need to ride in more than one car it is worth it to buy an extra base (sometimes even an extra seat)

trubaby411

@scaredunprepared @nsk489 both super helpful, thank you!

iiirene

Anybody planning an unmedicated birth/had an intentional unmedicated birth? Did you take any classes or use any specific techniques? My sons birth was accidentally unmedicated because it went so quickly. I would like to go unmedicated again but don’t know if I have the willpower if it happens to take longer than with my first. 

etnyah

@iiirene following. I knew I wanted an epidural from the start last time and didn’t prepare for even the possibility of being unmedicated, but it all happened so fast they barely had time to place it (I was at 8cm when I got to the hospital). 

I plan on an epidural again, but in case the second one is even faster and there’s no time, I want to be prepared. 

scaredunprepared

@iiirene and @etnyah my second was super fast once I got to the hospital, so they barely placed the epidural before I had to push.  I pretty much felt everything, so I'm wondering if I will try unmedicated this time.  I loved my first epidural, though, so I think it depends how long it takes 😆 

trubaby411

@iiirene @etnyah I am in the process of looking into classes. I want to try and go unmedicated, but birthing in a hospital so I will have the option for an epidural if I cha ge my mind. I'm thinking about hypnobirthing classes, but still investigating what seems like the best fit at the moment. 

nsk489

@iiirene I chose an unmedicated hospital birth with my son. It was difficult but i am 100% planning on doing it again, with a doula this time (that I still need to hire lol). I did not do any special classes (looked into hypnobirthing but didn't take any classes). I did listen to podcasts (mostly The Birth Hour, primarily listening to the stories of other women who had unmedicated births but also listened to other stories too just in case, bc childbirth is wild and ya never know what can happen lol). I also read books (Ina May that everyone recommends, I thought it was just ok. I liked Mindful Birthing, as well as Nurture).
I labored at home until my water broke then went to the hospital. My labor was ~16 hours or so, which included 5 hours of actual pushing 😳. At the hospital I labored in the tub as much as possible, and honestly I feel like the contractions were not terrible. The actual pushing was where it was a little brutal, but I figure if I could survive all the interventions including forceps without any medication, I can 100% do it again.

TLDR; read some books to get your head in the right mindset, labor in the tub. Aromatherapy is helpful, I've also heard gripping on a comb? (Going to try that myself this time)

etnyah

@nsk489 five hours (!!!) of pushing, unmedicated??? My god. You’re superhuman. 

nsk489

@etnyah after breezing through the contractions and then it becomes time to push, it's too late to ask for that epidural anyway so I had no choice 🤣🤣 there were definitely tears throughout but I do think I said "I can't do this" only twice 😆

etnyah

@nsk489 ha true! I panicked when I got there and was told “if the anesthesiologist is busy right now, you won’t be able to get an epidural”. Thankfully it was 2am so he came running. My contractions were horrible and there was no relief in-between them, and I had an extreme urge to push despite not being at 10cm. Pretty sure I would have torn my cervix by uncontrolled pushing if I hadn’t gotten that epi 😬

acleverusername

Yikes! I plan on doing what my body tells me, lol. I won't be asking for an epidural at the admissions desk, but I want that option on the table 100%. I am also looking to work with a doula (there are so many options where I live, and I seriously don't know how to pick one! I emailed 5 today) and hopefully they'll have some tips on how to listen to my body. I want to have more children and really don't want my first experience to sour my desire to birth more babies, so I'm just exploring ALL OF THE OPTIONS.

scaredunprepared

@acleverusername that's such a good mindset!  I went into my first wanting unmedicated birth, but after pitocin kicked things up I couldn't handle it and was begging for the epidural.  I am so grateful I chose it because I could actually relax and get some rest before having to push.  It was definitely the right choice for me in that moment. 

etnyah

Agreed @scaredunprepared, going in with an open mind is key! I have friends who went in with very specific plans and then things unfolded in a different direction. That was close to happening to me too! 

I think especially for people wanting an unmedicated birth, if anything else happens it’s easy to feel like you failed. You’re not failing yourself or anyone if you ask for pain relief of any kind, it’s there to help you. If you need it, take it. Labor is hard enough without making rigid and unnecessary rules for yourself.

nsk489

@scaredunprepared ohh I've heard pitocin makes your contractions worse so I definitely get the desire for an epidural!!!
@etnyah and yes I def agree! While it's good to have a "plan" of what you want or don't want, it's much better if you think of it as birth "preferences" instead since soo much can happen during labor.

Also for anyone thinking they don't want an epidural, you could see if nitrous oxide is an option at your hospital. That was something I considered using during labor

iiirene

@trubaby411 hypnobirthing is something I’m looking into as well. 

@nsk489 thanks. I’ll look into those books and definitely the podcast! I read a book my friend sent me about the Bradley method. I liked knowing about the physiological part of birth but when I was actually in labor I just remember thinking “wow. That book was bullshit.” 😂 I hope you don’t have to experience all those interventions again. You are one badass lady for getting through that without meds!

@acleverusername I think that’s a great way to approach birth. I had a similar mindset going into labor with my son and was so happy/empowered by the way it all went. 

shoogapoff

@iiirene I plan to try for an unmedicated VBAC. My son was supposed to be an unmedicated, out of hospital birth, and ended up being an emergency c-section. I took classes with his pregnancy, but I'm not sure if I want to try another method this time around. We just did general comfort measures classes and education classes on what to expect during the stages of labor. I'm curious about hypnobirthing. 

ladyofarlington

@returning_bump_member I thought a private group was a FB group too 🤣 My first BMB went to FB and we still have 60+ active members from 2018

@etnyah OMG I can’t believe you had a catfish! How? Why? So glad you caught them! Like who even has time for that?! I can barely keep up with this group and my OG BMB now on FB. Catfishes and the whole concept just totally blows my mind. I get that it happens, I’m not naive, but I still wonder WTF people and why they want to waste their time! 🤯 

@scaredunprepared a huge side eye 😒 to the harassing member - WTF is wrong with people!?!

@nsk489 in my first BMB we kind of operated in both this group and the FB group for a few months as we approached delivery. A few members decided not to join, but a couple also created alias style FB accounts specifically to join the group. Also, 5 hours of unmedicated pushing - wow - you are so incredibly strong! 

@trubaby411 I’d get the extra car seat base, but only one car seat - just take the car seat wherever baby goes and leave it at daycare during the day if you alternate drop off / pick up - around here most daycares have a place to store car seats (and strollers) for that exact reason!

@iiirene I do not intend to have an unmedicated birth, but *might* consider it depending on my Drs advice and an anesthesiologist friend’s advice.

With my first, the epidural only numbed half of my body and I had to have a repeat epidural. DD would have probably been born a couple hours sooner had that not been the case. Once the second epidural took, I had a “dead leg” and lost all feeling and movement control in the side that had originally numbed (I couldn’t feel the contractions and the nurses had to monitor them and tell me when to push). I wouldn’t mind not feeling things again, but in addition to that… 

I had another epidural before a spinal tap last year while hospitalized to try and diagnose medical issues and wound up with a spinal fluid leak. I had the worst headache of my entire life and was on bed rest for a week. Ultimately, I had to return to the hospital for a blood patch procedure to stop the leak. If there is any chance that could happen again, I *might* consider skipping an epidural. The spinal headache was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced and I cannot imagine going through that while also caring for an infant, trying to establish a breastfeeding relationship, and recovering from childbirth. Anyway, will keep ya posted if I go that route bc I will also have a million questions!